Addicted to being tired?

[jjman]

I have been trying to search these forums and google for some people in my situation, but i cant seem to find the right words for any results i am looking for. Sleep,addiction,drug and many other words in any order come up with things like "Tired of addiction, lack of sleep" and that's not what I'm looking for.

I will not go into a full life story, so in short my mother is in a wheelchair now and my father committed suicide a few years back. Since then i have done nothing but sit on my computer for twenty hours a day for the past 5 years. I have severed all ties to any friends/family outside my computer world so that i will not be interrupted or asked to take part in social events. This as you know takes years to do because people don't give up on you at first, but eventually they finally forget about you and leave you alone.

Now that you know a little background i am wondering if anyone has heard of someone being addicted to lack of sleep. When i was brought up i was the one kid that actually took the advise about drugs and alcohol and waited a very long time to try either. Around 19 (i am 21 now) i tried both and i quickly learned that the aftermath (hangovers/Burnout) was not worth the fun i was told i had last night by my friends.

Instead of things that potential hurt my lungs (im a runner) i stay up 20-48 hours straight in one place until my i am so tired that i become numb and at any time of my choosing i can pass out. Now this feeling, no freedom to sleep exactly when i want to is probably the best feeling i could have, better than weed,alcohol even sex. When i stay awake long enough i can get to the point where it feels exactly like i am on some type of heavy drug where i cant even remember the last few hours i was awake. One thing i am wondering is the affects this might have on my brain.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Do you have a history of depression or other mood disorder, jjman, diagnosed or not? Or is there any family history of depression or bipolar disorder? (I know you mentioned that your father committed suicide but there might be other reasons for that).

 

[jjman]

I was placed in hospitals throughout my teens for OCD, intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. I have outgrown all of my rituals and the OCD altogether. My current problem is that no matter what i do or how hard i try i CANNOT stay motivated even if it is something i enjoy like running. Anytime i get excited about doing something outside my room be it school,work or a course I'm taking i will always be looking for the first reason to quit. I too thought of depression, but i am generally really happy until i have my bad moments where i realize what ive been doing and it needs to change. Problem is when i go to make change i start thinking about how it will effect me and i come to the same conclusion... If i try to make a life for myself with a girlfriend and a job sure it will be something new for a while, but once it becomes the norm ill want something different or something more. I figure why not skip the whole grass is greener thing and be happy where i am. I know it is not our nature to just be happy with what we have, i know we need ambitions,dreams or something to chase after but i just cant keep the motivation without thinking my way back out of it.

(Edit)Yes my family does have a history of mental issues/disorders but i can personally vouch to say that most of them are due to their upbringing. I am not sure how much of it is chemical and how much is just being messed up from how dysfunctional the entire family seems to be.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I was actually addressing the issue of "addicted to being tired".

Years ago, while working in a therapeutic community program, I noted that sleep deprivation with depressed patients would temporarily relieve some of the symptoms of depression (I'm taliking about acute sleep deprivation rather than chronic insomnia, which often has the opposite effect). While the mechanism for this effect is unclear, I wondered if perhaps you suffered from dysthymia or some form of chrnic depression that might be relieved in this way by periodic sleep deprivation.

Another alternative is the known lack of sleep in bipolar patients in a hypomanic or manic state.

And a third reason some people like to stay up for long periods of time, especially overnight, is that most people are asleep for most of that time, so it provides you with extended solitary time without any expectations for socialization or interaction with another person.

 

[jjman]

And a third reason some people like to stay up for long periods of time, especially overnight, is that most people are asleep for most of that time, so it provides you with extended solitary time without any expectations for socialization or interaction with another person.

I agree this is one of the major reasons for being awake during these hours.