More threads by HotthenCold


Hi there,

I'm really worried about my personality. Sounds dumb I know, but I really have to say that a constant aspect of my social life is people noticing right away that I'm different. I talk quietly, say weird things at odd times, my timing in conversation is awkward, i get flustered in social situations and end up laughing too much or saying something just for the sake of saying something, I'm kind of dumb a lot of the time;I really thinks it's partly because I dissociate froms situations so regularly that I don't pay attention to what other say, and what's going on around me and so I seem dumb. Though recently I've come to wrry very greatly that I am a lot dumber than I thought, since it's a constant image others have of me in many different social circles. I know I'm damn smart in some ways, and others don't/won't recognize this because they like to have a punching bag, or so I've come to believe. gah. I always seem to muck up social interaciton to the point where people are either annoyed, weirded out, or just amused at the freak that is me. It's a crap feeling but I can't "be normal". I'm me, and I know that that's not gonna change, but "me" is kind of pathetic and I hate my self sometimes. Not completely, like I don't think I'd kill myself, though I have though about it.
It's a depressing situation because all of societies demands are things I (for the most part) can't fulfill in social situations; i'm worried because people are quick to exclude and label. The social darwinist perspective constantly beats me in the face and makes me feel warped.
Not sure how, or if, I can "make my self over" for good, but I really need to change. If you don't like who you are, and "you" is a fundamental unchangeable being, then what do you do?


Re: always awkward

I'll come back to this later when I have more time, but I just wanted to say how much I can relate.
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