I think I am a malignant narcissist like Sam Vaknin. I do think I need help for my anger and jealousy issues as well as my vindictiveness and lack of empathy.
Here is my story. What do you think?
I moderate a forum for abused people, along with a few other people. One moderator has Aspergers. She seems to be devoid of empathy, too and definitely lacks social skills. The other moderator/owner frequently solicits compliments about his photography as well as frequently self promotes himself to sell his books, just like Vaknin. None of us have any higher education or psych degrees, yet we run a website that attracts abused people. I think I and the other moderators may be malignant narcissists or maybe at least I and they are behaving like malignant narcissists. I do not know why I was attracted to people like the other moderators, but I always am. We are all cyberbullies on our forum, and enjoy railroading and controlling other members who diss us in our minds. Can you even imagine the ruthlessness and irresponsibility of appointing a person with Aspergers syndrome to moderate a forum for people who have been abused? Is that irresponsible? All of the moderators seem to become particularly angry if someone points out that we have no psych degrees, yet we appear to be diagnosing people and encouraging members to diagnose others, like parents and spouses. I personally become really angry if someone posts a link to a legitimate educational site that shows that my opinion is controversial and does not meld with current psychological literature. Or, if someone points out, no matter how gingerly, that it is wrong for people without psychology degrees to run a website for abused people. I fool myself by arguing that the site is meant to help people.
On the forum, filled with abused emotionally fragile people, I use multiple names to moderate under so that people think there is more than a handful of moderators. All the moderators also post under various member names on the forum I moderate. I use the information I gather about members from their forum posts to hurt and humiliate members who trigger my anger or make me feel inadequate. Usually, if I think they are too smart or too wealthy or too pretty, or too educated, this will trigger my rage. After that, I try to destroy them by embarrassing or humiliating them. It does not matter if they are right or wrong, I will provoke them behind the scenes to try to make them look crazy. I then have my many moderator personas and member personas, as well as encourage the other moderators to post messages that provoke them and then we all inform them that many board members have claimed that they have violated forum rules. ( this is usually not true) I will also change forum rules so that somehow no matter what they do they have managed to break a new rule that I recently changed. Most people do not remember the original rules, so that is easy to do. The fun part is the target of my rage usually will futilely try to defend themselves, but they will not know that the game is stacked in my favor. I will use my power as a moderator to ban them when they try to defend themselves after being provoked continually by me and my other moderator/member personas.
I will NOT make it known to the other more compliant/worshipful members that the targeted person has been banned so that the rest of the members will not be able to see through my games. I will just send the banned person a private note and prevent them from logging in because I know that most other members will not think that the target of my rage deserved to be banned, based on their posts. On the forum, the banned person shows up as signed in, and their account active, but they can not sign in. I do this in hopes that it will frustrate the banned person and hurt them. I get great pleasure out of playing with peoples' heads this way. The forum I moderate is for abused people so I have a wealth of fragile people to play with. I feel no remorse about behaving so unfairly when I am jealous of someone, and whenever someone triggers me, I seek to methodically set them up. I am jealous of people who are better than me through no fault of their own. In real life I have a new lack luster job that pays peanuts and that I hate. My private life is also in shambles, I am a divorced mother. I do not get along with my own mother, and no one respects me the way they should, not even my children. But on the forum i moderate, I am God.
Am I a malignant narcissist or just have anger issues?
Here is my story. What do you think?
I moderate a forum for abused people, along with a few other people. One moderator has Aspergers. She seems to be devoid of empathy, too and definitely lacks social skills. The other moderator/owner frequently solicits compliments about his photography as well as frequently self promotes himself to sell his books, just like Vaknin. None of us have any higher education or psych degrees, yet we run a website that attracts abused people. I think I and the other moderators may be malignant narcissists or maybe at least I and they are behaving like malignant narcissists. I do not know why I was attracted to people like the other moderators, but I always am. We are all cyberbullies on our forum, and enjoy railroading and controlling other members who diss us in our minds. Can you even imagine the ruthlessness and irresponsibility of appointing a person with Aspergers syndrome to moderate a forum for people who have been abused? Is that irresponsible? All of the moderators seem to become particularly angry if someone points out that we have no psych degrees, yet we appear to be diagnosing people and encouraging members to diagnose others, like parents and spouses. I personally become really angry if someone posts a link to a legitimate educational site that shows that my opinion is controversial and does not meld with current psychological literature. Or, if someone points out, no matter how gingerly, that it is wrong for people without psychology degrees to run a website for abused people. I fool myself by arguing that the site is meant to help people.
On the forum, filled with abused emotionally fragile people, I use multiple names to moderate under so that people think there is more than a handful of moderators. All the moderators also post under various member names on the forum I moderate. I use the information I gather about members from their forum posts to hurt and humiliate members who trigger my anger or make me feel inadequate. Usually, if I think they are too smart or too wealthy or too pretty, or too educated, this will trigger my rage. After that, I try to destroy them by embarrassing or humiliating them. It does not matter if they are right or wrong, I will provoke them behind the scenes to try to make them look crazy. I then have my many moderator personas and member personas, as well as encourage the other moderators to post messages that provoke them and then we all inform them that many board members have claimed that they have violated forum rules. ( this is usually not true) I will also change forum rules so that somehow no matter what they do they have managed to break a new rule that I recently changed. Most people do not remember the original rules, so that is easy to do. The fun part is the target of my rage usually will futilely try to defend themselves, but they will not know that the game is stacked in my favor. I will use my power as a moderator to ban them when they try to defend themselves after being provoked continually by me and my other moderator/member personas.
I will NOT make it known to the other more compliant/worshipful members that the targeted person has been banned so that the rest of the members will not be able to see through my games. I will just send the banned person a private note and prevent them from logging in because I know that most other members will not think that the target of my rage deserved to be banned, based on their posts. On the forum, the banned person shows up as signed in, and their account active, but they can not sign in. I do this in hopes that it will frustrate the banned person and hurt them. I get great pleasure out of playing with peoples' heads this way. The forum I moderate is for abused people so I have a wealth of fragile people to play with. I feel no remorse about behaving so unfairly when I am jealous of someone, and whenever someone triggers me, I seek to methodically set them up. I am jealous of people who are better than me through no fault of their own. In real life I have a new lack luster job that pays peanuts and that I hate. My private life is also in shambles, I am a divorced mother. I do not get along with my own mother, and no one respects me the way they should, not even my children. But on the forum i moderate, I am God.
Am I a malignant narcissist or just have anger issues?
