optimizeRu
Member
Hello, My name is Boris, I'm 21 y/o, I live in Israel. As many of you know or may not know, it is an obligation to serve 3 years in the Israeli army. Today, I'm 9 months after my demobilization. During my service, I struggled with lot kind of problems, I had problems with spending the night in the base instead of going home, I had a sick mother at home who needed my help in almost everything, I had problems with my job (I was a heavy truck driver) I had some orthopedic problems in my back and my knees because of this job and it affected me in the long-term, I didn't like the people I had to communicate with (not all of them), I hated the hypocrisy so much. Anyway, everybody ignored my problems and I started to hurt myself to get days off. After a 6months period of meeting with a psychologist/psychiatrist, I got kicked out for misdiagnosis of "psychosis, susp. schizphrenia".
Here is the problem - when I was still in the army, I was somehow struggling and doing my job and keeping myself together. The first month out, I was like a zombie, I didn't speak to anyone, didn't eat, didn't feel anything positive, I was depressed. I couldn't process what happened, it was a shock for me, I didn't expect this and didn't want this either. I only had half year to finish my fullservice. After a month or so, I went to psychiatrist and started treatment, I was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety, later on they suspected that it's not just depression because I couldn't talk about my feelings, I couldn't name my feelings, and I couldn't even explain what am I thinking about. They did some exams, more meds, more meetings, and they changed the diagnosis to Acute polymorphic psychotic disorder with suspect of unspecified schizophrenia. It seemed like the right diagnosis, fit my symptoms, everything. After a while, I started getting better, I could think straight and I felt better but I still kept experiencing those 'nightmares'. Every time I go to sleep, it takes me at least 30mins to fall asleep, and in the meantime my brain works and always leads to memories and thoughts about the army, not only at nights, sometimes when I am at work, I reminisce moments from the army, thing is they're not necessarily BAD moments, but I feel bad about them, I can't think about the presence when it happens, I'm 'away'. I very often reminisce the last moments in the army, with a psychiatrist that was mean to me, very aggressive with his questions and attitude, and it makes me feel anxious, if I'm sitting/laying when it happens I feel like I'm reliving the exact moment, like I'm having a conversation with him except there are no actual words that I actually hear, I only imagine them, but the feelings are real.
with that being said, I experience some feelings of derealization sometimes, like living in a dream, in a video game or a movie, like everything is just my imagination. I also have some soft paranoia, when in a bus or in a social place, I sometimes think people intentionally watching me and thinking bad things about me, the feeling is always there I can't fight it, but I'm not falling for this and I always try to remain as calm as I can because I know it's just me. .
I'm currently off the meds, and only seeing a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. since I'm not comfortable to ask my therapist about that if it's possible that I have a PTSD or not, so I'm asking you guys in the forum here.
There may be lot of spelling mistakes, so sorry for that :2thumbs:
Thanks a lot, Be well !
Boris.
Here is the problem - when I was still in the army, I was somehow struggling and doing my job and keeping myself together. The first month out, I was like a zombie, I didn't speak to anyone, didn't eat, didn't feel anything positive, I was depressed. I couldn't process what happened, it was a shock for me, I didn't expect this and didn't want this either. I only had half year to finish my fullservice. After a month or so, I went to psychiatrist and started treatment, I was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety, later on they suspected that it's not just depression because I couldn't talk about my feelings, I couldn't name my feelings, and I couldn't even explain what am I thinking about. They did some exams, more meds, more meetings, and they changed the diagnosis to Acute polymorphic psychotic disorder with suspect of unspecified schizophrenia. It seemed like the right diagnosis, fit my symptoms, everything. After a while, I started getting better, I could think straight and I felt better but I still kept experiencing those 'nightmares'. Every time I go to sleep, it takes me at least 30mins to fall asleep, and in the meantime my brain works and always leads to memories and thoughts about the army, not only at nights, sometimes when I am at work, I reminisce moments from the army, thing is they're not necessarily BAD moments, but I feel bad about them, I can't think about the presence when it happens, I'm 'away'. I very often reminisce the last moments in the army, with a psychiatrist that was mean to me, very aggressive with his questions and attitude, and it makes me feel anxious, if I'm sitting/laying when it happens I feel like I'm reliving the exact moment, like I'm having a conversation with him except there are no actual words that I actually hear, I only imagine them, but the feelings are real.
with that being said, I experience some feelings of derealization sometimes, like living in a dream, in a video game or a movie, like everything is just my imagination. I also have some soft paranoia, when in a bus or in a social place, I sometimes think people intentionally watching me and thinking bad things about me, the feeling is always there I can't fight it, but I'm not falling for this and I always try to remain as calm as I can because I know it's just me. .
I'm currently off the meds, and only seeing a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. since I'm not comfortable to ask my therapist about that if it's possible that I have a PTSD or not, so I'm asking you guys in the forum here.
There may be lot of spelling mistakes, so sorry for that :2thumbs:
Thanks a lot, Be well !
Boris.
