• Quote of the Day
    "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness by
    giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged."
    Dale Carnegie, posted by Cat Dancer
Joined
Mar 2, 2006
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I've been thinking about this site for a while, building up the nerve to post. It's difficult to confess, I usually try to distract myself when I will.

Here it is. Don't know where to start so I'll begin with the obvious.

I have agoraphobia. It's fairly recent, began around late August '05, and it gave me a lot of time for retrospect and introspect. I've done a lot of research and philosophized like a moron. Forgive me if my thoughts are scattered.

I'm 19, live in Northern California. I haven't spoken physically since midsummer. For as long as I can remember I've had depression and "ignored" it. I guess it catches up. I developed a paranoia and insomnia soon after which I fell in love with. I guess one becomes accustomed to such things that it becomes normal. Through my depression I developed an interest in personality disorders. I'm not sure why. I think the knowledge did more harm. As time passed, I began to show obsessive compulsive tendencies (washing my hands 10 times a day with soap and very hot water, fear of doorknobs, a paranoia induced ritual in which I thoroughly inspect a room upon entering, and I assume others I'm not aware of).

Sometimes I feel so lonely, I stay up watching TV, sometimes losing myself in fantasies of everyday life. Interruptions makes me want to break something as my heart twists. I've been to the edge of seeking help, the words on the tip of a pen, yet I pussy out at the last second and distract myself with video games, message boards, TV, whatever makes me stop thinking.

I know I'm going to regret this post tomorrow. No need to reply.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,405
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Welcome, Amethyst. I hope that this will not be something you regret but maybe the first step toward positive change.
 

Halo

Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2005
Messages
7,475
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Hi Amethyst, I agree with Dr. David and I also hope that this is not something that you are going to regret. I know for me it has turned out to be a safe and caring place which just might be what you need.

Welcome again!
Take Care
Nancy
 

^^Phoenix^^

Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2004
Messages
656
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Welcome Amethyst, no need to regret. We're here when you need us, and you can close the window when you don't.
;)
take care
 

ThatLady

Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2004
Messages
4,104
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Welcome, Amethyst! We're glad to have you here and hope you will not regret posting. It's a good, caring community. :)
 

Rosa

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2006
Messages
414
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Just wanted to say welcome and glad your here.
Rosa
 

foghlaim

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2006
Messages
1,549
Points
36
I've been thinking about this site for a while, building up the nerve to post.
i'm glad u had the "nerve" , it takes some strenght to "talk" to others about how u feel.. i (and i believe a lot of the others here) have felt the same way as you did. (will I \won't i?) but u did it!!! and i am glad u did.

Sometimes I feel so lonely, I stay up watching TV,
i do this too, flicking the channels not really watching anything.

I know I'm going to regret this post tomorrow.
i hope u haven't\won't regret your post. and that u will come back and let us know how u are getting on.


nsa
 

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