Another new one

[greenstarz]

Hi, I don't know how to start this....

Well. I'm new here obviously, but I've been a member of other message boards before and still frequent one of those sometimes about self injury. I joined one on abuse but I've found it to be too triggering for me....so, I'm hoping to fit in here. I suppose I am just looking for people to communicate withh because I have zero friends in real life--too hard to be around people--and because I deal with a lot of psychological issues. I also find psychology very interesting so that's another reason I joined here.

I'm 29 and a female, and my dxes are Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD and Social Anxiety Disorder. I was diagnosed with all those except the PTSD about 10 years ago, and the PTSD was diagnosed as I eventually began to tell the professsioonals about things that have hapopened to me. I take Trileptal, Geodon, Welbutrin and Trazadone, and I guess they're working for some of my problems. I haven't had a manic episode in years at least. But other then relief from mania, I still am struggling a lot--I'd almost like to feel some mania sometimes. I have been seeing my current therapist for 4 years and I feel like I can trust her, although i still have a lot of fear when I tell her somethng new about myself. It wasn't until about a year ago that I finally felt what trust feels like which was when I realized I could actually trust her---it was scary on one hand, but it also felt so freeing in a way. I just started seeing a new psychiatrist a few months ago, so I don't know about her yet, but I think she's nice at least. I also go to a Bipolar support group that my therapist holds twice a month. I guess another reason I joined here is because I am sooooo attached to my therapist right now and I need some kind of support between sessions becaue I miss her so much inbetween when I see her. It's really unhealthy I think (how I feel about her) but I don;t know how to feel less attached to her. I feel so abnormal abotu that.

Well, I don't know what else to say...I hope I haven't scared anyone away wiht my ramblings...i look forward to posting here and meeting everyone!

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: another new one

:welcome:

 

[Dragonfly]

Re: another new one

".... because I am sooooo attached to my therapist right now and I need some kind of support between sessions becaue I miss her so much inbetween when I see her. It's really unhealthy I think (how I feel about her) but I don;t know how to feel less attached to her. I feel so abnormal abotu that.

Well, I don't know what else to say...I hope I haven't scared anyone away..."

Very much welcome to psychlinks, greenstarz. To start at the end - no. You haven't scared anyone away. I am hoping that by writing you feel .... better and less scared yourself.

I believe that I understand how attached you are to your therapist, and how terrifying that likely is for you. But I don't believe that it is unhealthy. Your therapist is very important to you. You tell her the most intimate things about yourself and presumably she is kind, compassionate and helps you feel better. How very nice - and in the long term, healthy for you - that you can bond to someone who behaves this way towards you. Even if your thoughts / feelings towards your therapist are sexualized, this still is normal. Even if .... Please let me repeat myself greenstarz. It is normal.

Is there a way that you can begin to talk with your therapist about how important she is to you? It might seem (really, really) scary .... but the more that you can talk about what is going on with you, the better for you. I would also encourage you to try to focus a tad less on trying to un-attach yourself from her. That will happen with time, when you are ready. But it can't happen until you have fully attached / bonded ....

take care. Please let me / us know how it is going.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Re: another new one

Hi greenstarz,

Welcome!

Nope, it would take a lot more than that to scare me off.

I am also interested in psychology although I don't have a degree in that, I have a teaching degree -- but I don't teach anymore. I actually work at a call centre. lol

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcpme to Psychlinks, greenstarz.

 

[Always Changing]

:welcome2:

 

[Jazzey]

:cheerleader: welcome

 

[greenstarz]

I appreciate the welcomes, daniel, dragonfly, jollygreenjellybean and david baxter, displaced adn always changing!


Dragonfly, it IS very terrrifying for me to feel so attached to my therapist. I don't know how to deal with the feelings of depending on someone and trusting them to the point where I'm truly vunerable. I'm afraid to let myself feel so attached to her because I'm not going to be able to see her for the rest of my life and will eventually have to stop seeing her for some reason. I'm also afraid to be attached because I'm afraid she'll tell me she can't see me anymore because of something I say or do which is why I want to be less attached to her so it won't hurt so bad if she says that. But on the other hand, secretely it feels good to feel attached to her and care...but it feels like I'm obsessed with it and can't leave her. I hate that she sees other people and I actually get mad about that and wish she didn't have any other clients....now, THAT is abnormal. It makes me feel like I'm not as important if she sees other people. She doesn't know I feel these things though. She has no idea how much I truly depend on her. I feel like I'm some kind of obsessed crazy stalker or soemthing because I think about her so much. Urgh, I'm going to stop now.

Sorry if I wasn't supposed to go as in depth about my thoughts in the intro part of this board... anyway, hope to see eveyone around!

 

[Jazzey]

Dragonfly, it IS very terrrifying for me to feel so attached to my therapist. I don't know how to deal with the feelings of depending on someone and trusting them to the point where I'm truly vunerable.

Yes, it is. But I agree with Dragonfly - I do think it's normal to feel that trust, that attachment. And as you've expressed here yourself - it feels good to trust again. The vulnerability is scary. But it doesn't outweigh the gain of having someone with whom you can share all of those fears, those thoughts...

I'm afraid to let myself feel so attached to her because I'm not going to be able to see her for the rest of my life and will eventually have to stop seeing her for some reason.

I'm plagiarizing from Dragonfly now but, when the time comes, you will be ready. That's the thing. Your T won't let you drift off until you're ready.

I hate that she sees other people and I actually get mad about that and wish she didn't have any other clients....now, THAT is abnormal.

Is it? According to whose standard? Just wondering. I think there's a difference between recognizing your feelings versus acting on them. You seem to be quite lucid to what's going on. So I think you're doing just fine

Dragonfly suggested that you maybe talk to your T about all of these things. I thought that was a rather good idea. A little scary but, given the good relationship that you have with your T - maybe worth the conversation?

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi welcome to PL

 

[greenstarz]

Well, maybe in time I could talk to my therapist aobut some of this. But it will have to take a lot of courage and preparation onmy part. But I will keep in in my mind for the future. It's just too scary to think of rigth now.

And you are right, the fear about trusting her does not outweigh the fact that I have someone who will listen to me and for me to talk to. I never knew how good it would feel---eventually---to tell someone what's inside my head. She honestly accepts me and what I say as ok. But it just keeps popping up like a knee jerk reaction to feel afraid that she will never want to see me again if I say the things I have inside of me. But I say them anyway most of thetime, and that's where I've learned to trsut her to accept me.

 

[AmZ]

Welcome