Any help for my brother?

[BMissouri]

My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his early 20s, he is now 38. When he was younger he would make up lies, he was paranoid that everyone was out to get him, he would hide in the bushes with guns because he believed that people were coming to kill him. One night he went to work, claimed he had weapons, and said that he was going to blow up his workplace, the sheriff's office and then he would kill himself, my dad (a police officer) and another officer found my brother hiding in the bushes, they took him to the hospital where they found drugs in his system and diagnosed him with schizophrenia. He stayed in the hospital for about a month and then went to live in a sort of half way house. He didn't stay there long because the half way house had rules and he will not obey rules. He has gone to college and kept steady jobs. Here is a list of his actions.

• he replaced his old life for a new one. He made up lies on his resume, even bought false documents to support his lies. He does not know that his family knows this. He has created an entire 20 year career in the military. My brother has never been in the military!
• the family is not allowed to speak to anyone that he does for fear of exposing his lies.
• he turns everything around and exaggerates. For instance, the other day my mother mentioned to him that she was thinking of buying a flat screen computer monitor for herself. He comes and tells me that our mother want him to buy her one because he stole her's .
• he is terrible with money. He wastes his money on computers, games, movies, stickers, radios, and stresses out and does not understand why there is no money for rent.
• he hates women. He believes that women are all stupid and good for nothing. He hates people outside the usa. He believes that all people other than himself are stupid.
• we were raised christian, he now believes that god is not real and that the bible should be burned.
• he makes up stories to get people to feel sorry for him. He believes that he is always right, and if you prove him wrong, he gets mad, throws things around the house and storms away.
• if we do not answer our cell phones when he calls us at work, he believes that we hate him and don't want to talk to him.
• we can not watch movies with certain actors/actresses in them because if he hates that actor/actress then he complains throughout the whole movie and says we are stupid for liking that actor/actress.
  [/list:u] The list goes on. It is so hard just to be around him. We have to watch what we say and do for fear of making him mad and setting him off.
  
  Here is my question. Is there anything that I can do? He had denied that he has schizophrenia. He believes the doctors only put that label on him because they hate him. He has never and will never take medication. If we bring up the subject of schizophrenia, then we hate him and are trying to say that he is crazy so we can get rid of him. This is so stressful on the family. My mother feels bad because she doesn't enjoy being around her son anymore. Is there anything at all that we can do?

 

[BMissouri]

My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his early 20s, he is now 38. When he was younger he would make up lies, he was paranoid that everyone was out to get him, he would hide in the bushes with guns because he believed that people were coming to kill him. One night he went to work, claimed he had weapons, and said that he was going to blow up his workplace, the sheriff's office and then he would kill himself, my dad (a police officer) and another officer found my brother hiding in the bushes, they took him to the hospital where they found drugs in his system and diagnosed him with schizophrenia. He stayed in the hospital for about a month and then went to live in a sort of half way house. He didn't stay there long because the half way house had rules and he will not obey rules. He has gone to college and kept steady jobs. Here is a list of his actions.

• he replaced his old life for a new one. He made up lies on his resume, even bought false documents to support his lies. He does not know that his family knows this. He has created an entire 20 year career in the military. My brother has never been in the military!
• the family is not allowed to speak to anyone that he does for fear of exposing his lies.
• he turns everything around and exaggerates. For instance, the other day my mother mentioned to him that she was thinking of buying a flat screen computer monitor for herself. He comes and tells me that our mother want him to buy her one because he stole her's .
• he is terrible with money. He wastes his money on computers, games, movies, stickers, radios, and stresses out and does not understand why there is no money for rent.
• he hates women. He believes that women are all stupid and good for nothing. He hates people outside the usa. He believes that all people other than himself are stupid.
• we were raised christian, he now believes that god is not real and that the bible should be burned.
• he makes up stories to get people to feel sorry for him. He believes that he is always right, and if you prove him wrong, he gets mad, throws things around the house and storms away.
• if we do not answer our cell phones when he calls us at work, he believes that we hate him and don't want to talk to him.
• we can not watch movies with certain actors/actresses in them because if he hates that actor/actress then he complains throughout the whole movie and says we are stupid for liking that actor/actress.
  [/list:u] The list goes on. It is so hard just to be around him. We have to watch what we say and do for fear of making him mad and setting him off.
  
  Here is my question. Is there anything that I can do? He had denied that he has schizophrenia. He believes the doctors only put that label on him because they hate him. He has never and will never take medication. If we bring up the subject of schizophrenia, then we hate him and are trying to say that he is crazy so we can get rid of him. This is so stressful on the family. My mother feels bad because she doesn't enjoy being around her son anymore. Is there anything at all that we can do?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

He stayed in the hospital for about a month and then went to live in a sort of half way house. He didn't stay there long because the half way house had rules and he will not obey rules. He has gone to college and kept steady jobs.

This is always a tricky issue because in a sense, consciously or not, he is using his illness to manipulate the rest of you. The problem is that if he managed to finish college and hold down steady jobs, he probably does not meet the criteria for involuntary treatment (which would require that he be certifiable as mentally incompetent to make decisions for himself and/or an imminent danger to self and others). On the one hand, it would be difficult for the family to feel that they had "abandoned" him. On the other hand, by giving in to his manipulations and/or symptoms, the family is enabling him to cope without treatment that could eliminate most of the symptoms you describe.

At some point, you and your family may have to take a "tough love" approach which will lay down clear boundaries about what you are prepared to accept and what you are not prepared to accept in his behavior. He may refuse to cooperate in treatment but it may be helpful for you and your family to see a psychologist to get some concrete advice for how to cope with and manage his behavior.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

He stayed in the hospital for about a month and then went to live in a sort of half way house. He didn't stay there long because the half way house had rules and he will not obey rules. He has gone to college and kept steady jobs.

This is always a tricky issue because in a sense, consciously or not, he is using his illness to manipulate the rest of you. The problem is that if he managed to finish college and hold down steady jobs, he probably does not meet the criteria for involuntary treatment (which would require that he be certifiable as mentally incompetent to make decisions for himself and/or an imminent danger to self and others). On the one hand, it would be difficult for the family to feel that they had "abandoned" him. On the other hand, by giving in to his manipulations and/or symptoms, the family is enabling him to cope without treatment that could eliminate most of the symptoms you describe.

At some point, you and your family may have to take a "tough love" approach which will lay down clear boundaries about what you are prepared to accept and what you are not prepared to accept in his behavior. He may refuse to cooperate in treatment but it may be helpful for you and your family to see a psychologist to get some concrete advice for how to cope with and manage his behavior.

 

[BMissouri]

Thank you for your reply. I was afraid that was what you were going to say, but I did expect it. I appreciate you answering my question for me.

 

[BMissouri]

Thank you for your reply. I was afraid that was what you were going to say, but I did expect it. I appreciate you answering my question for me.