Any ideas?

[handybendy]

Hello everyone,

There may be some answers to my questions already here on the forums, but I'm not sure what to type to search for them, so I thought I'd just ask anyway!

I have a great deal of trouble engaging in things that I need to do. That is things that I have committed to or require some commitment. It seems that I get bored with these things easily and then need to push myself to get going again. Sometimes I procrastinate to a point where I am extremely frustrated, angry and upset and that tends to bring on depressive feelings.

More specifically: I'm studying for a distance learning degree and find I fall asleep reading the text books, become bored writing the essays and just generally find I don't want to drive myself to succeed. The subject matter coupled with my own experience levels mean this should be a walk in the park for me, but I just can't engage. I have always ended up quitting ahead of succeeding as I feel that I'm going to fail (seems to be an automatic response to anything for me) and I want to change this.

It's not just the studying either. I find I have trouble engaging at work too, to the point that I end up not fulfilling my potential and sliding into a supporting role that I don't want. This has happened all my working life and I'm frankly tired of it. I feel I just need a little push in the right direction and the problem will go away forever. I've tried removing distractions, but I keep on falling back to simple distractions that I actually am bored of, they just become a time waster that keeps me from doing what I need to do. If I could just convince my mind to get a task done first, I could spend as much time as I like being distracted later.

Does anyone have any methods or techniques for removing procrastination or getting things done (swallowing the frog)? I'll try pretty much anything, but even trying new techniques can be really difficult for me to get engaged in.

Thanks in advance,

H

 

[PrincessX]

Hello handybendy. I will try to reply based on personal experience. If you find that you are not doing something, because you fear to succeed, as you said it happens with your studies, it might be that you are afraid of success, due to false beliefs. You might be prone to believe that generally you don't deserve success. Maybe adressing distorted thoughts and believes that stand in the way of completing tasks can help. Fear of undeserved success is something I have experienced. It stems from the belief that I might not be worthwhile as a person to get rewarded in the form of succeeding. This is just one of the reasons that could be behind procrastination. Perfectionism and fear of failure I think could also lead to procrastination. They also stem from low self-esteem in my case, or the fear of being criticized if something is less than perfect and taking other people's judgements and opinions as superior to mine. Hope this helps. Good Luck. Use time management techniques if you can. Some people make schedules, timetables, set deadlines and so on. Or do the most important things in the morning.

 

[handybendy]

Thanks for that PrincessX!

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, the distorted thoughts problem is one that I struggle with a good deal (I fortune tell to the point that I can't function sometimes) and the low self esteem has always been a problem (although that's getting better now).

I think I also need to get past procrastinating about doing something about the problem - I put off making (and sticking to) schedules etc as I see them as a possible route to failure too. I feel like it's all so ingrained in me that I can't get rid of it. However, the fact that I know what the problem is and what I should do about it is even more frustrating when I can't drive myself to fixing it. Hence the frustration that then leads on to all the other false thoughts etc.

Even so, having written about it here, I do feel a little more actively ready to do something about it. Let's see what I can manage today?

Thanks again

H

 

[PrincessX]

You are very welcome. Hope at least some of what I shared helps. In my opinion, a lot of people have these issues. The difference is that some people choose to do something about it. Admitting the problem and thinking of possible ways to overcome it is half the success. And being able to acknowledge thought distortions that lead to it.
For myself, I find, the most helpfult is not only realizing distortions, but trying to calm down about everything that needs to be done and trying to have some confidence in my abilities. The way, I can achieve some confidence is by being kind to myself and endlessly repeating to myself that I am a good person, I am stronger than whatever needs to be done, this is nothing for me, I have enough will to do whatever I want to or deem necessary to be done. And, most importantly, I try to repeat to myself that I love myself for the good person I am, regardless of what happens during the day. Even if I "fail" to keep up to schedule, that is OK. I still have my worth as a human being. Then I try to say to myself, that even though I could not do this thing right away, I can do it the next time when I have a chance to and so on. Sometimes I do not "believe" my self talk, but the more I repeat it in my mind, the more true it sounds. I do not really care if people who read this think it is weird or crazy or whatever. I care about what works and I am sharing it with the hope it works for other people too.

 

[handybendy]

Thanks, I think the "believing" in myself is the part I can't get right (I just can't convince myself I'm worthy of anything). I need to practice ...

 

[annie1967]

Hi H,

Procrastination is something that many people don't even want to admit to having. You are aware of having difficulties with it and that's good knowing that you need to change something in your life to avoid it. My thoughts are procrastination happens because we're not into doing a particular thing. When it's not something we enjoy, we put it off. Could you try making a deadline with the distant learning degree or a weekly checklist to show each thing you need to accomplish then see the results visually with a checkmark? Pace yourself, start with 30 minutes, work in an atmoshere that is stressfree, no distractions, comfortable. It might help to reasearch what your learning style is, maybe you are more hands on and need a different approach to stay interested and focused. Take 1 task at a time, don't boggle yourself down with too many projects as this will overwhelm you. The distractions sound like they are an escape for you to avoid doing what you want. Start with ne small thing at a time. Tell yourself "I can do this, I want this for myself" Self discipline is hard and takes work. Taking small steps is the first step. Don't pressure yourself to succeed and thinking you will fail. Just focus on what is in front of you at that moment. That's the first step.

 

[handybendy]

Thanks again for that.

I've tried a good deal of the simpler suggestions (making deadlines, checklists) and I end up not following through (due to procrastination) and abandoning the controls. I often can't concentrate for more than ten minutes, so event trying to do something for thirty minutes is a huge challenge.

HOWEVER, since the original post, there have been some huge personal upheavals that have left me emotionally very unstable right now, but this has somehow forced me into action. I've managed to remove a good deal of the distractions that I had originally, and I'm structuring my day better too.

This has all come about due to there being "nothing left" in my life at the moment. I'm uncomfortable about socialising, so I avoid it; distractions are upsetting me, so I'm managing to avoid them; the vision of a future with nothing in it and a life out on the street are making me concentrate on the here and now and the simple things that I need to do to get past this particular hurdle in my life.

Basically I am concentrating on finding a job that pays enough for a living wage and then building from there.

Procrastination still creeps in though on the bad days, when I'm too depressed to eat and can't pull out of the negative self feedback that I experience.

I'm seeking local professional help, but it will take a few weeks for that to materialise. In the meantime, I just need to keep working my part-time job so I can eat and hope that I can land some new job to allow me to move on and physically away from this.

 

[annie1967]

Hi H!

You may think you've regressed or taken 2 steps back but you haven't. You're making changes and know what you need to do to move forward. That's wonderful that you are seeking local professional help. I find that getting professional help gets you balanced and helps to make us understand why we feel or do the things we do. Sounds like there's more to your procrastination than just a matter of not doing things; there's reasons for it and once you find out what the reasons are and work on improving them, it will get easier. Keep posting on here, there is so much support and people who care and to offer suggestions and coping skills. You're right, they are hurdles in your life, we are all experiencing them personally speaking, but you are reaching out and working at overcoming them. Good for you! Keep it up H! Hope that I can help you any way I can.