I really need out of the box ideas

[kelsischanging]

I tried, I tried really really hard. I did everything right. I saw my therapist, I tried to see my psychiatrist (but she had to re-schedule twice, I see her Monday), I talked to my best friend but in the end I ended up on an SI spree. Since I have had gastric bypass surgery and can no longer use eating as a coping mechanism, I am finding it harder than ever to resist the urge to SI.

My therapist says that I need to find more positive ways to cope (obviously) but I just can't seem to find ones that work. I have been trying to find more positive ones since I was 14(when I started using negative coping mechanisms) and that was 10 years ago. For some reason I just crave, need, only respond to the ones that alter my mood quickly (drinking, drugs, eating, cutting, those are the big ones). I refuse to give up though. I didn't go through with gastric bypass surgery and changing my whole life only to fall on other unhealthy coping mechanisms. I didn't loose 140 pounds just to continue to scar up my body.

I'm looking for any idea you have, have heard of, can think of...I don't care if it sounds like the most bizarre thing ever, I will try anything that will keep me from drinking, over using my pain meds, SIing, ect. I want to be healthy!

 

[Banned]

Hey Kelsey,

Let me throw this back at you. You mentioned you can't seem to find positive ways to cope. To avoid reinventing the wheel, what have you tried and why didn't it work?

 

[kelsischanging]

I've tried journaling, talking to friends, exercising (all kinds like yoga and cardio like walking), distracting activities like painting my nails, some types of art (i'm not artistic but things like scribbling, cutting papper ect), shopping (which kind of works but honestly I can't afford this one), going for a drive, cooking (although this is no longer a good one since my bypass surgery), listening to music, playing music ( I play the piano, drums, guitar), crafty ideas (knitting, beading, scrapbooking).

I feel like most of these things don't work for me because although they distract me they don't altar my mood...I"m looking for a "high" a "good feeling", when I reach to SI my mood stinks and I'm looking for something to help my mood. Food used to do that...no longer an option.

 

[Banned]

Can you be pro-active and identify what causes your mood to sink to the point that you want to SI? Is it an addictive behaviour for you because you crave the high - no matter where it comes from?

The problem with finding something that gives you that high is that it will inevitably be followed by a low, which will lead you back to self-destructive behaviours to try and get back to the high.

Im obviously not a therapist but I would think finding a neutral zone that you can operate within, rather than fighting highs and lows, would be a better option.

 

[kelsischanging]

I think part of it is the addictive factor. I do crave the high. I think part of that comes from my bipolar disorder. I've spent so much of my life living in the extremes that it's hard to find and live in that neutral zone (although I agree it would be more benefical to find that neutral zone and to live in it). Ahhh, I just hate how my brain works. I get sick of fighting it.

 

[Banned]

Have you discussed the highs with your doctor to ensure your medication is correct? Most methods of achieving the highs, at least in my experience, are on the self-destructive end of things. I don't know why that is, just that it is. Our brains are sophisticated little machines that sometimes do odd things.

 

[kelsischanging]

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'll definitely bring that point of searching for highs up to her!

 

[Banned]

Good idea.

 

[kelsischanging]

Talked to my psychiatrist today. Doing lab work to make sure that everything is where is should be and when we get the results from that (should be a day or two) will adjust accordingly. Trying to hang on for now...trying.

 

[Banned]

I am glad you wee able to have that conversation. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

 

[kelsischanging]

Thanks Turtle, I'll keep you posted. I signed up for a 5K so I've been back in the gym much more regulary which has been helping a bit. Plus my psychiatrist mentioned that it will be good to get my blood levels because losing 143 pounds can affect med doses ( makes sense )

 

[Banned]

That makes total sense. I'm started a 5k training program too, now that I've been cleared to run again! You sound like you've made some really admirable progress. Great job!

 

[bloodwood]

Hi Kelseym, I'm Peter.

Earlier you mentioned Yoga and walking. Now you are looking at the gym and running. No doubt you know of the "high" you get from stronger exertion. From what I understand exercise does a great deal of different beneficial things for us. More so when the exertion level is raised a bit or sustained. After a good but healthy work out do you feel any better? Does it feel like it satisfies some part of that need?

I always find that when I exert it has a marked affect on my mood, perspective, sense of being and unhealthy compulsions. I'm not always good at getting off my butt though.

I do want to salute your continued effort and commitment to doing whatever you can to move forward. It sounds like it has been a very long haul and you have come a long way so far. Your determination is inspiring. I hope you give yourself an occasional pat on the back.

Peter

 

[kelsischanging]

Hi Peter,

As I continue on my journey through weight loss through weight loss surgery, I am finding exercise to be more and more beneficial for many things. Not only does it boost my weight loss but it helps with my urges to cut. After a good work out if nothing else sometimes I just too pooped to do anything but relax. So either from endorphines or just being too tired it does the job! Yoga has also been quite beneficial. It doesn't hurt having a sister that teches yoga!

Thank you for your imput!!

 

[kelsischanging]

Hi!
Just a quick update! I'm doing much better! Through combination of yoga, exercise, music (I'm a classically trained pianist) and actually being willing to share with two good friends...I've broken through this bought of SI. I still have some things I use to SI in my posession but I think I should be able to get rid of them soon...Also, my medication was changed and I think that's starting to help!

 

[bloodwood]

This sounds like nice news kelseym. I am happy the wind is blowing in the right direction for a change. It sounds like you work very hard.

 

[Banned]

So glad to hear that. Thanks for the update.

 

[forgetmenot]

Happy to hear you are doing so well hun way to go for being so proactive in getting you back to being well again hugs I hope you can get rid of all your tools now hun just do it ok hugs

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Wow! Sounds like great progress to me!