Are some people not cut out for therapy?

[moonriver]

Hi you guys.

I recently went back to see a therapist because I had fallen off track with regards to feeling able to socialize and be around people. I am very shy and nervous around people. but I had made alot of progress. Well, I have been to three sessions with the therapist and now I am afraid to stop my sessions for fear that the anxiety I have around people will return. It is all I think about, like somehow she is keeping me from being a reclusive. I am so worried about getting to my next session I can hardly think of anything else. This has been going on for 2 weeks now where it is building and building in me and I worry about it all the time. I dont think I am doing it on purpose. Are there some people that just should not be in therapy because they are too obsessive? But I am not a dependent person and I dont think I am needy so why the anxiety over this? Honestly I am starting to treat it like an anxiety drug or something. Do you think I should quit going?

 

[Daniel E.]

Do you think I should quit going?

No I may not fully grasp what you are saying in your post, but I would point out that, with therapy, the patient is doing most of the work, and the results are long term. And there is always the possibility of maintenance therapy, i.e. going back to therapy to help stay on track.

Are there some people that just should not be in therapy because they are too obsessive?

I think I know what you mean. Therapy does seem to make people more self-conscious in certain ways, at least initially. But I haven't heard of that being a good reason to stop going. (For me, it wasn't much of an issue because if I am not obsessing about one thing, I am obsessing about something else.)

Of course, you can discuss these issues with your therapist.

 

[ladylore]

Here is my :2centsn the subject Moonriver.

I defintely don't think you should quit therapy over this. My guess is is that you had been suffering quite a bit with these issues and your therapist was the first one that could help take the anxiety away. She/he is teaching you tools to help you control or eliminate the anxiety. Sometimes this gets confused with the thought the therapist or the therapy was what helped you out and without it everything will come back. Its looking at the external to change the internal.

What counselling does is to help people talk about things that need to be talked about and gain skills in managing life situations better so the anxiety doen't effect you the way it does now. These tools will be with you for the rest of your life - so in fact, your the one doing the work. Most of the answers are inside of you already, the therapist is just helping get to them.

I know this subject intimately - I had to struggle with the same issue over therapy. Hang in there though. And we are always here for a bit more support.

 

[moonriver]

Thank you for your thought, its just this feels more like an obsession now than it does with me feeling anxiety, although I guess obsessions are a form of anxiety. The worry does not leave, its always there, every waking minute. ladylore, did you find you had this worry on your mind every minute of the day? Is this normal anxiety?

 

[Banned]

Moonriver,

I went through this with my first therapist. It was agony...every hour of every day all I could think about was my next appointment. I would email my therapist constantly, afraid that if I didn't he'd forget about me, or that I had another app't. It was making me crazy.

Interestingly, I switched therapists, and then all the anxiety went away. I'm not saying for a moment that you should switch therapists, but when I think back, my new therapist was challenging me in ways that my old therapist wasn't, and I felt much safer talking about more things with her. As a result, I wasn't obsessing over my sessions, I was gradually able to just make them a part of my life instead of allowing them to take over my life. She taught me how to ground myself and cope, which helped between sessions. I didn't have that with my first therapist.

I still think about my appointments alot - I really look forward to them, and I hate the time that passes in between, BUT, I don't obsess over them anymore and I can function in between, which I couldn't do initially.

All this goes back to what's already been said - talk to your therapist. Perhaps she can give you some suggestions on coping with the anxiety in between appointments, so that it is not so difficult. Definitely don't stop going though.

 

[moonriver]

Thanks BG, yes, the way you described it is just how I feel. I kind of like your idea. I will see if it gets better and maybe I might try the same thing.

 

[ladylore]

Thank you for your thought, its just this feels more like an obsession now than it does with me feeling anxiety, although I guess obsessions are a form of anxiety. The worry does not leave, its always there, every waking minute. ladylore, did you find you had this worry on your mind every minute of the day? Is this normal anxiety?

As with what BG has said - yes it has felt like an obsession at times too. I fortunately had the chance to add another therapist on specifically to deal with trauma and it works.

How long have you been seeing your therapist?

Incidently, sometimes things feel worse for a bit just before they get better. It's ok that your therapist is your lifeline right now. Your feelings are valid. But yes, talk with your therapist about it.

 

[moonriver]

I thought about it and I have cancelled my next appointment. This feels like an OCD obsession or something, all day every day without any break from the thought. I am not sure there are ways to get it out of my mind other than to avoid the situation I am obsessing about. Besides, I got lots of tips from you guys and I don't obsess about your tips. I can't afford to be obsessing about my therapy session 24 hours a day when I need to be concentrating on my job and I have alot of detailed work to do. I don't know why I was obsessing so much, I wish there was a way to drive thoughts from your mind when they become repetitive. I tried letting them go through me as was suggested to me in the past on the forum, but I can't seem to make that work this time. It's kind of a shame I failed at therapy but I guess I have to learn to live with anxiety at some point.

 

[ladylore]

Were you able to talk with your therapist first before you cancelled the appointment? It just may have been something you could work through.

 

[Halo]

Moonriver,

I am sorry to hear that you have cancelled your appointment. I really would encourage you to try and make another one and not give up. I know you feel that you are obsessive about your appointments but I can tell you that I have done that as well and still do at times.

There are times when all I can think about 24/7 is my next appointment and the only thing that I hang onto is the thought and knowledge that I have an upcoming therapy appointment. What I find for me is that when I am dealing with things that are intense, fearful or distressing those are the times that I begin to obsess and use my therapist as a lifeline more. I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing.

Do you know what exactly you are obsessing about? Like do you know if it is actually being in his/her office, is it talking, is it the topics, is it your therapist specifically? Can you pinpoint exactly what it is?

Again, I think that if you kept your appointment and talked to your therapist about it she/he may have been able to give you some additional coping skills in order to decrease the obsessing.

 

[Cat Dancer]

:goodpost:

I just wanted to add that I am obsessive too over my therapy. I would encourage you to not give up on therapy totally. I know it takes a lot of energy out of you. But it's worth it in the long run. Have you thought of trying another therapist?

 

[moonriver]

Thanks for your thoughts all of you, I like your name Janet, that's cool.

I like your questions Halo, you made me think. I think I am a little bit scared of the therapist, its kind of intimidating to sit there and feel like you look like a fool, although I am sure they have heard it all before.

Mainly I am afraid the converations will stay trapped in my mind if I keep going. They play over and over like a record player that is stuck. Partially I want to go to get relief of the thoughts but they just get stronger. So I go back looking for relief of my anxiety but it gets worse and the thoughts get stronger.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Do you feel like this would happen no matter who the therapist is? I'm sorry you're suffering like this. I have OCD and I can relate to the obsessing over and over and over.

I like your name Janet, that's cool.

Thanks!!

 

[Halo]

I like your questions Halo, you made me think. I think I am a little bit scared of the therapist, its kind of intimidating to sit there and feel like you look like a fool, although I am sure they have heard it all before.

They have indeed heard everything. Therapists are not there to judge, humiliate or critisize. Their job is to listen and offer help. As I have recently learned, there is nothing that you can't say to your therapist that they likely haven't already heard or that would make them pass judgment on you. Yes it is intimating to sit across from them but remember that they are regular human beings just like you and me but with additional knowledge and education who can and want to help.

Mainly I am afraid the converations will stay trapped in my mind if I keep going. They play over and over like a record player that is stuck. Partially I want to go to get relief of the thoughts but they just get stronger. So I go back looking for relief of my anxiety but it gets worse and the thoughts get stronger.

I know you are afraid that the conversation will stay trapped in your mind and play over and over but I wonder whether they are doing that already. Do you find that certain thoughts and memories keep playing over and over and that is what brought you to therapy in the first place? I understand that you want relief from these thoughts and in all honesty you will get it but it is a process and it takes time to work through the process. In my experience, in order to move past the thoughts and memories you need to move through them and just dumping them out in the open once doesn't make them go away (as much as I wanted to believe that). Talking about them and yes even having them consume my thoughts for a while is exactly what I needed to do in order to process them properly and then be able to move past them.

The thoughts will not stay with you forever and I believe that working on them together with your therapist is the way to let them go.

Take care

 

[moonriver]

Thanks for your thoughts Halo, I know you are probably right, but I feel like I am sucking all the life out of my self and sucking the energy from you kind people on the forum. I feel like I should just deal with my anxiety on my own from now on without burdening others with it. The more obsessive I get with my thoughts, the harder it will be to control my anxiety about it and I can't stand the thought of ranting to you guys about it every day and frustrating people that are decent and kind. I am going to try and not post for awhile and try to find a way to handle the repetitive thoughts on my own. I really appreciate all your help and advice, I guess I feel like I need to quit relying on others as a way to calm down, I need to do that for my self somehow.

 

[Halo]

Moonriver,

You are not sucking the energy from us on here nor are you burdening us with your posts. We are happy that you are reaching out to us in your time of need to help you deal with your anxiety and obssessive thoughts and if we can do anything at all to help you, we will. That is exactly what this forum is here for. To support each other and offer suggestions. It doesn't mean that you aren't doing the hard work yourself but having a helping hand and listening ear when you need it makes things a little easier sometimes.

Don't cut off your means of support here by not posting and thinking that you need to deal with this on your own....many of us have and are going through much the same thing and can relate.

Keep posting and talking.

Take care

 

[ladylore]

I agree with Halo Moonriver.

From my own experience, I can tell you that my brain gets caught on one thought or another at times. Not as much as it use to though. If I wasn't constantly thinking about one thing it would start over again as soon as the first thing was resolved.

Therapy helped to stop that from happening as often. And no you are not a burden. I was glad when I started seeing you around here again. I do hope you reconsider regarding the therapy and keep posting here. As Halo said, it's why we are here.

 

[Into The Light]

don't stop posting here. we like helping people, that's what this site is here for

i've also learned the hard way that for some things in life we need to talk to others because we can't solve them or figure them out on our own.

you aren't a burden, or draining us, or anything like that. we answer because we want to. i have often found in answering someone else that the answer i give out is something i can apply to myself when i am having similar thoughts or feelings, and it just kind of sinks in with me, which is :cool2:!

 

[moonriver]

Thanks alot for your understanding, I am feeling a little better. I still have the non stop obsessive thoughts but I am just trying not to get worked up about it and accept that this is just the way my mind is working at the moment. I am also thinking I was trying to change too much too soon, I have decided to work on one thing at a time in regards to being around people. Every day I go sit down at the pool where people are just to get used to it and feel more comfortable, so thats something, usually I avoid all places where people are. I also went to the lake yesterday and there were lots of people there and it was ok. It would be nice to be able to talk to people, I am not sure how to go about that one, but maybe in time. I read the suggestions I got from you and Lana on the other thread I made and maybe if I take your advice I will get there. I don't feel comfortable going back to the therapist, maybe simply because I have to talk to her, I guess I can try and work back up to that.

 

[Into The Light]

that's a great way to approach things, just focus on one thing at a time and work on that at a time. i find it very difficult to make myself slow down and try to only change one thing at once, i tend to want to change a lot in one go but those changes never last and i just seem to burn myself out in a day or two. so i too am trying very hard to not overdo it and to just go easy.

keep working on going to the pool and relaxing don't worry about talking, that'll come once you've got the being around people under your belt.