I've been through so much diagnosed with PTSD, major depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I'm just trying to make something of my pathetic life. And the road has and is not at all easy for me. Everyday day is so hard and a struggle.
Well to add to it all, I was assaulted and thrown to the ground and robbed of my purse and groceries. This caused a severe panic attack and the police and ambulance were called. I just spent 7 days in hospital just got home. I no longer feel safe, who gets robbed in the daytime. I am just angry. My blood pressure was 160/100 nearly had a stroke. I couldn't get my heart rate back to normal, meds helped. My faith in the world is gone with all I've been through. I really didn't need more pain and trauma in my life.
Friends and family have asked me to come out. Right now I don't feel safe leaving my house. I don't want to talk to them because I feel embarrassed, shameful, and guilty. Why?.. That's just my brain thinking. I never did anything wrong or to deserve this yet I am just hating myself.
I did manage to text my therapist to say goodbye. I didn't want to live anymore. I've had it, I just couldn't take anymore. I attempted suicide a few weeks ago, took a whole bottle of oxy pills. My husband unfortunately found me in time. So I told my therapist that today when I tried to say goodbye. He was just closing up his office and called me and pretty much demanded I come see him. So I agreed. I was crying when I walked into his office. He came to me and just held me and hugged me, and I just felt that things were going to be ok. And I was honest and told him so. I've been seeing him for two years and he is just awesome. And yes I told him months ago I had feelings for him and said I was going to quit therapy because I was so ashamed. So we then talked about that and he said it was normal and we talked about transference. So then I felt better.
But today I just decided to give up, it seems just when I am feeling strong something else happens. The assault and robbery was my last straw. But talking to my therapist today just reassured me how incredible of a person of a therapist he is.
And that I feel blessed to have found him. He just kept saying that I was not alone that together we can get through this that we can get through anything. Today I truly believed that. His compassion, caring, and empathy are just so heartfelt.
We talked for two hours. I said you need to go home your family needs you, he said no, that he's there today as long as I needed him. He said call or text me anytime 24/7. I said no can't do that. He said well I will call you this weekend. I promised him that I would not harm myself that as long as he wouldn't give up on me that I wouldn't give up on myself. I will keep that promise to him and me.
So knowing that, I am feeling better. Just feeling physically and emotionally sick. Chest pains, rapid heart rate, stomach aches just all jacked up.
Any words of encouragement are welcome.
Thanks for listening.
Well to add to it all, I was assaulted and thrown to the ground and robbed of my purse and groceries. This caused a severe panic attack and the police and ambulance were called. I just spent 7 days in hospital just got home. I no longer feel safe, who gets robbed in the daytime. I am just angry. My blood pressure was 160/100 nearly had a stroke. I couldn't get my heart rate back to normal, meds helped. My faith in the world is gone with all I've been through. I really didn't need more pain and trauma in my life.
Friends and family have asked me to come out. Right now I don't feel safe leaving my house. I don't want to talk to them because I feel embarrassed, shameful, and guilty. Why?.. That's just my brain thinking. I never did anything wrong or to deserve this yet I am just hating myself.
I did manage to text my therapist to say goodbye. I didn't want to live anymore. I've had it, I just couldn't take anymore. I attempted suicide a few weeks ago, took a whole bottle of oxy pills. My husband unfortunately found me in time. So I told my therapist that today when I tried to say goodbye. He was just closing up his office and called me and pretty much demanded I come see him. So I agreed. I was crying when I walked into his office. He came to me and just held me and hugged me, and I just felt that things were going to be ok. And I was honest and told him so. I've been seeing him for two years and he is just awesome. And yes I told him months ago I had feelings for him and said I was going to quit therapy because I was so ashamed. So we then talked about that and he said it was normal and we talked about transference. So then I felt better.
But today I just decided to give up, it seems just when I am feeling strong something else happens. The assault and robbery was my last straw. But talking to my therapist today just reassured me how incredible of a person of a therapist he is.
And that I feel blessed to have found him. He just kept saying that I was not alone that together we can get through this that we can get through anything. Today I truly believed that. His compassion, caring, and empathy are just so heartfelt.
We talked for two hours. I said you need to go home your family needs you, he said no, that he's there today as long as I needed him. He said call or text me anytime 24/7. I said no can't do that. He said well I will call you this weekend. I promised him that I would not harm myself that as long as he wouldn't give up on me that I wouldn't give up on myself. I will keep that promise to him and me.
So knowing that, I am feeling better. Just feeling physically and emotionally sick. Chest pains, rapid heart rate, stomach aches just all jacked up.
Any words of encouragement are welcome.
Thanks for listening.
