Don't Ignore Back to School Jitters
Ottawa Citizen
By Katherine Dedyna, Canwest News Service
August 31, 2009
Some children fear something bad will happen to them or their parents while they're apart
On the first day of school, you want your kids to be geared up, not threatening to throw up.
But back-to-school anxiety is responsible for a lot of queasy tummies, sleepless nights and all-too-often silent dread. For too many kids, the return to school is "tense and fearsome," and it doesn't have to be, says Victoria, B.C., psychologist Jason Walker.
Common fears include social exclusion, especially if they've been excluded or bullied before; a return to regimented routines; over-scheduled after-school time; and the pressure of success at schoolwork after a summer off.
"It's a big shift," Walker says. "All kids feel anxiety about school, even the ones who seem really successful and carefree." But a week or two into the schedule, that should subside. If it doesn't, parents need to find out why.
One of the first questions he'll ask an anxious child going back to school is: "Tell me about your best friend." Fear of not being accepted is one of the major triggers for anxiety, and unfortunately, social anxiety makes it less likely that kids will be able to make friends. As well, special needs kids -- whether living with a learning disability or a physical one -- face more social exclusion.
"We all know how kind kids can be," he says dryly.
There's even a 21st-century disconnect between kids whose parents can afford a lot of techno-toys and those who can't. That can be "a dividing line for playmates and for some kids. Sometimes they feel inferior."
One of the keys to allaying a child's anxiety is to listen, Walker says. Acknowledge the problem, but put it in perspective. Ask them: "What are the three things you're most worried about; what are the three things you're most excited about," he suggests.
Left unchecked, "anxiety can be devastating," Walker says, affecting the ability to communicate, perform schoolwork and get along with classmates. A child whose anxiety is out of control may withdraw, act out or believe something is fundamentally wrong with them, he says. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine says one in five U.S. children is affected by anxiety disorders.
Kids with obsessive-compulsive disorder and a fear of contamination, for example, dread using crowded school bathrooms. Some kids experience separation anxiety -- a pronounced fear that something bad will happen to them or their parents when they're apart.
"People don't grow out of anxiety; they grow into it," says Melisa Robichaud, a psychologist with AnxietyBC. That's why kids need to learn coping skills.
"The best thing parents can do for children with anxiety is to model brave behaviour," she says. Tell them about an upcoming adult worry, by saying, "I'm a little anxious doing this, but I'm going to do it anyway."
If the child says he is afraid, don't say "don't be afraid" or "everything will work out." Tackle the fear step by step, including how they'd deal with their worst fear coming true, Robichaud says, noting that for both adults and kids, fears are often exaggerated.
Learning how to "face fears and move forward in life" is something children need to do, she says. And if what you're doing at home isn't working, seek professional help.
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10 Tips to Curb Back-To-School Anxiety
Complete Home Toolkit
Ottawa Citizen
By Katherine Dedyna, Canwest News Service
August 31, 2009
Some children fear something bad will happen to them or their parents while they're apart
On the first day of school, you want your kids to be geared up, not threatening to throw up.
But back-to-school anxiety is responsible for a lot of queasy tummies, sleepless nights and all-too-often silent dread. For too many kids, the return to school is "tense and fearsome," and it doesn't have to be, says Victoria, B.C., psychologist Jason Walker.
Common fears include social exclusion, especially if they've been excluded or bullied before; a return to regimented routines; over-scheduled after-school time; and the pressure of success at schoolwork after a summer off.
"It's a big shift," Walker says. "All kids feel anxiety about school, even the ones who seem really successful and carefree." But a week or two into the schedule, that should subside. If it doesn't, parents need to find out why.
One of the first questions he'll ask an anxious child going back to school is: "Tell me about your best friend." Fear of not being accepted is one of the major triggers for anxiety, and unfortunately, social anxiety makes it less likely that kids will be able to make friends. As well, special needs kids -- whether living with a learning disability or a physical one -- face more social exclusion.
"We all know how kind kids can be," he says dryly.
There's even a 21st-century disconnect between kids whose parents can afford a lot of techno-toys and those who can't. That can be "a dividing line for playmates and for some kids. Sometimes they feel inferior."
One of the keys to allaying a child's anxiety is to listen, Walker says. Acknowledge the problem, but put it in perspective. Ask them: "What are the three things you're most worried about; what are the three things you're most excited about," he suggests.
Left unchecked, "anxiety can be devastating," Walker says, affecting the ability to communicate, perform schoolwork and get along with classmates. A child whose anxiety is out of control may withdraw, act out or believe something is fundamentally wrong with them, he says. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine says one in five U.S. children is affected by anxiety disorders.
Kids with obsessive-compulsive disorder and a fear of contamination, for example, dread using crowded school bathrooms. Some kids experience separation anxiety -- a pronounced fear that something bad will happen to them or their parents when they're apart.
"People don't grow out of anxiety; they grow into it," says Melisa Robichaud, a psychologist with AnxietyBC. That's why kids need to learn coping skills.
"The best thing parents can do for children with anxiety is to model brave behaviour," she says. Tell them about an upcoming adult worry, by saying, "I'm a little anxious doing this, but I'm going to do it anyway."
If the child says he is afraid, don't say "don't be afraid" or "everything will work out." Tackle the fear step by step, including how they'd deal with their worst fear coming true, Robichaud says, noting that for both adults and kids, fears are often exaggerated.
Learning how to "face fears and move forward in life" is something children need to do, she says. And if what you're doing at home isn't working, seek professional help.
- - -
10 Tips to Curb Back-To-School Anxiety
- 1. Encourage children to share their anxieties and reassure them that it is normal. Talk about it in a private spot, giving your undivided attention.
- 2. Coach your child on how to cope with and interpret scary situations, both real and imagined.
- 3. Role-play to help kids make a plan. Let them be the demanding teacher or bullying classmate while you act appropriately to cope and calm down.
- 4. Get them to focus on positives at school, even if coming home is the only one they can think of.
- 5. When saying goodbye in the morning, say it cheerfully -- once!
- 6. Don't reward crying or tantrums by letting kids stay home. Instead, in a calm tone, say, "I can see that going to school is making you scared, but you still have to go. Tell me what you are worried about, so we can talk about it."
- 7. Teach and practise coping skills such as calm breathing making "coping cards." Enlist your child's help in wording them: "I can boss back my anxiety. I have done it before."
- 8. Ask kids if they want to take a special object to school to remind them of home.
- 9. Put reassuring notes in their lunch.
- 10. Most importantly, praise and reward your child for brave behaviour.
Complete Home Toolkit
