Balancing therapy and personal functioning

[Into The Light]

i've been working very hard in therapy and it all kind of came to a head recently, resulting in a bit of a break from the intense issues. this break was very much needed but i didn't realize this until after i got it. i'm now wondering how to balance the work in therapy a bit more. it's been intense and has affected my daily functioning, and being somewhat back to normal in every day life for a bit has been nice, but i need to return to the work in therapy (things are starting to come up again).

i guess i am trying to understand how do you know if you are getting too intense in therapy and it's time to slow down again? is there a way to do the work without it quite being so intense? maybe i pushed myself too hard? but at the same time i'm afraid of not making any progress and i don't want to stand still either. at times i feel like progress is too slow and i get impatient.

does anyone have any thoughts on this?

 

[Jazzey]

Hi ITL,

I understand the concern about not making progress and therefore, wanting to push through doing a lot of hard work. Personally, I listen to my emotions. If I'm starting to feel frantic, or shut down, I usually back away from it for a little while. The danger is staying away from it for too long - I try and find the balance here.

I think you have to follow who you are. I know that, if and when I'm pushed too hard, I run away and my emotions 'runneth' over.

Again - listen to your heart.

 

[ladylore]

I had a couple of sessions where I left my T's office pretty ungrounded but didn't realize it, and it seemed to affect my week. So now we stop 5 minutes earlier and we always to a grounding visualization, whether it be going to my safe place or simply grounding.

Could your therapist do something like this with you ITL? It has made a huge difference. I may still have a difficult week but it does help me to contain and close off the session properly so that I can function in the world again.

 

[Lana]

I don't really know why I handle intensity the way I do, but for what it's worth, I thought I'd share and add to the great advice from Jazzy and LL.

Whenever I take on a task that has a potential of becoming intense, I always enter it with the mindset that at some point in time, it can get uncomfortable. I feel it prepares me. If nothing comes up -- great! If something does come up, that's fine too, I'm ready.

Second, when discomfort comes, I tend to "fasten my seatbelt and get ready for a bumpy ride" if you will. I think I do that because I'm an avoider and if I get away now, chances are good that I won't go back. I'd find another way (I can be pretty resourceful) or I'll find a way to live with whatever it was I was trying to deal with. The danger is in when I try to fix the problem myself. Knowing that about myself, I know that when I hit that discomfort zone, it means something is happening, some change is about to manifest itself, that something is going to be addressed, whether I like it or not. So, I grin and bear it. Trust me, it's not as tough as you think.

Thing is, I know I'll run given the chance. I also know that "space" to me equates with avoidance and..well...yeah...ditching the whole thing. So for me, either I deal or I don't. So when I enter into anything intense, I have to be committed to it until I come out the other end. I have learned that intensity never sustains itself for long. You either come to accept what you learned, or you find a resolve. It's not a permanent thing. But if I avoid it, it is sure to come back twich as intense...not my kind of "fun".

So, to end this "book"....I stick with it with full knowledge that intensity won't last, that that ease and release is close...much closer then ever betore and I focus on that. It's like taking a deep breath and jumping into the water, knowing that once the cold shock wears off, it'll be beauuuuutiful.

 

[Banned]

I absolutely understand what you're talking about, ITL. To add to what Jazzey, Ladylore, and Lana have written, for me, I don't do more than two or three intense sessions in a row. I just can't handle it. So we do a few really hard and difficult ones, and then we have one or two lighter sessions that are less about progressing in the work and more about making sure I'm ok and grounded before moving any further forward. Kind of like resting and regaining some emotional strength before continuing, but without taking a total break from therapy because that's not beneficial for me. I hope that makes a bit of sense.

 

[Into The Light]

thanks for all the replies, they give me something to think about.

i think i need to find a way to not withdraw from daily life when things get hard. that is a real challenge for me.

i guess i am wondering if there is a minimum threshold of distress that i need to experience in order to work through things. i mean that's the point of therapy, to bring out those feelings and emotions and work through them and release them. but if we don't bring them out properly then they can't be worked through. so i don't want to just poke at them and not have them be resolved.

 

[Jazzey]

My psychologist had a few words of wisdom for me recently (as she always does) - sometimes we just have to force ourselves to do the things that we used to enjoy, even if it's only 20 minutes at a time. Eventually, your mind will remember why it is you used to enjoy that particular activity...putting it to practice as of tonight - for 20 minutes. I'm wondering ITL if getting back to some of your favorite things, even for a short time, won't bring you back to living your life?

I'm someone who withdraws completely in difficult situations, difficult conversations. Sometimes, being honest about ones emotions and thoughts can take a lot out of someone. And yet, I always come back to the same question: "isn't that part of getting back to living life? And to feel every emotion / sentiment that comes along with it?" Otherwise, for me at least, I'll always be giving in to my coping mechanisms - withdrawing all together. Then, what will I be missing?

Sending you lots of support ITL and hoping that you won't feel as withdrawn very soon.:support:

 

[Into The Light]

yes, i think you are right, i need to force myself more to do things that are enjoyable and even make myself relax (i have a really tough time flipping that switch in my head). it's just that therapy has been all consuming to me and my mind is always churning and anything else is a distraction from me feeling what i'm feeling and what i am working through. there's so little time left in the day for that purpose if i do all the things i am supposed to be doing.

so, i don't know, i don't have the answer for myself just yet, but i'll keep thinking this over and hopefully i'll figure it out.

 

[Jazzey]

You've just described to a "T" where I've been recently ITL - cut off from everything and completely sucked into the vortex of self-analysis (where I don't miss an opportunity at beating myself up, I might add).

None of the normal, day to day routines have been accomplished lately. That's why I'm grabbing on to this idea of forcing yourself. So - here's my wish for you:

In the next few days to come, pick a time, any time, where you will force yourself (irrespective of how you're feeling at that particular moment) to do 1 activity that you used to really enjoy. Maybe you can even start tonight by writing out a list of all the activities that made you really happy in recent times? Force yourself to carve out those 20 minutes and just do it.

It's easy to get sucked into the vortex of therapy. And while, for me, I need to reflect on my sessions, I know that there is more to me than those sessions. They're intended to assist us in rediscovering who we are, truly (at least that's the way I choose to look at it).

I'm not convinced that staying there ALL THE TIME is of any assistance to us. We need to pull back - even for those 20 minutes. If you want to come back and think about the session after those 20 minutes - by all means. But, I'm guessing, for you and for me, that once we get into the practice of getting back to our likes, pulling away from the in-depth analysis involved with our sessions, we'll quickly be reminded that we don't "always need to go there". (that's my hope - for both of us).

So tonight - homework for you - sit down and write a list of all the things you used to really enjoy...it's a start right? And, hopefully, you'll be able to slip out of the vortex for the duration of this activity. With time, the duration might even increase?!

 

[Into The Light]

thanks jazzey, i'll give it a try and see where it all leads

 

[Jazzey]

Let me know how it goes ITL - I'll be thinking of you!

 

[Into The Light]

i will, although in thinking it over i am not sure if i'll be able to do this. baby steps, and one day at a time - i have to keep reminding myself.

 

[Jazzey]

Absolutely ITL - baby steps all the way.

 

[ladylore]

My therapist gave a brilliant suggestion today - In a safe place where its ok to throw things and not have it considered vandalism or mischief; get some eggs, write on them a frustration or feeling that you want to release (optional) and throw the eggs. Apparently the sound of the eggs smashing releases alot of tension.

I know the exact spot where I am going to take a few eggs.

 

[Jazzey]

...remember Ladylore, I don't think that part of the exercise consists in vandalism...

 

[ladylore]

True. It was a caution she gave me. Example: throwing eggs in my neighbour's alley.

 

[Jazzey]