I have experienced depression before, and successfully received treatment via antidepressents and therapy for about a year. It has been 5 years since I was severely depressed, but I do indeed remember what it was like.
My ex-boyfriend who is now one of my closest friends was diagnosed with severe depression in September. He is currently taking antidepressents and going to therapy.
I feel that I have been very supportive. I'm there for him on his bad days and his good days. I'm understanding of his mood swings and I gently encourage him to take care of himself and to do things that he finds pleasure in. I know that I am one of the few people he confides to as well. While he avoids talking to most people in his life, he will always pick up the phone when I call, and he also calls me at least once a week just to chat. I enjoy doing nice things for him like dropping off homemade cookies or inviting him out for dinner. We usually have a positive and pleasant time together.
The problem is that he can be incredibly self-centered and inconsiderate of my feelings. While he is down, I understand that feeling that low will make it hard to notice other people's feelings and care about them. But even when he is feeling really good, feeling better, he doesn't treat me with respect. I know that on one level he does appreciate my presence in his life, but mostly I think he just takes me for granted because I have consistently been there for him since he was diagnosed. I care about him very much and I want to help, but sometimes he hurts my feelings and I wouldn't put up with this from any of my other friends. It almost seems like he uses his depression as an excuse to be a jerk to everyone, not just me. He said he has been feeling a lot better lately and it seems the better he feels, the worse he treats me.
I am conflicted about how to handle this. I am normally very patient and this weekend I simply became fed up. I didn't get angry, but I told him very clearly that he hurt my feelings and although his apology was appreciated, what I really would like is for him to try to be more considerate. I explained that I normally try not to take his mood swings and flakiness and sour attitude personally, because I know he is depressed. But that it does put a strain on my friendship and I often wonder if he would even care if I stopped checking in with him, stopped initiating things for us to do together. I said that if it wasn't for my effort, I probably would never see him again and he wouldn't even care. He replied, "You're probably right." Ouch. Then, he started crying and we could not finish the conversation. He said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I treat you so badly" and then refused to talk any further.
I feel bad that I made him cry. I care about him and I don't want to abandon him, I think he needs my support. But how can I do this without becoming a doormat?
My ex-boyfriend who is now one of my closest friends was diagnosed with severe depression in September. He is currently taking antidepressents and going to therapy.
I feel that I have been very supportive. I'm there for him on his bad days and his good days. I'm understanding of his mood swings and I gently encourage him to take care of himself and to do things that he finds pleasure in. I know that I am one of the few people he confides to as well. While he avoids talking to most people in his life, he will always pick up the phone when I call, and he also calls me at least once a week just to chat. I enjoy doing nice things for him like dropping off homemade cookies or inviting him out for dinner. We usually have a positive and pleasant time together.
The problem is that he can be incredibly self-centered and inconsiderate of my feelings. While he is down, I understand that feeling that low will make it hard to notice other people's feelings and care about them. But even when he is feeling really good, feeling better, he doesn't treat me with respect. I know that on one level he does appreciate my presence in his life, but mostly I think he just takes me for granted because I have consistently been there for him since he was diagnosed. I care about him very much and I want to help, but sometimes he hurts my feelings and I wouldn't put up with this from any of my other friends. It almost seems like he uses his depression as an excuse to be a jerk to everyone, not just me. He said he has been feeling a lot better lately and it seems the better he feels, the worse he treats me.
I am conflicted about how to handle this. I am normally very patient and this weekend I simply became fed up. I didn't get angry, but I told him very clearly that he hurt my feelings and although his apology was appreciated, what I really would like is for him to try to be more considerate. I explained that I normally try not to take his mood swings and flakiness and sour attitude personally, because I know he is depressed. But that it does put a strain on my friendship and I often wonder if he would even care if I stopped checking in with him, stopped initiating things for us to do together. I said that if it wasn't for my effort, I probably would never see him again and he wouldn't even care. He replied, "You're probably right." Ouch. Then, he started crying and we could not finish the conversation. He said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I treat you so badly" and then refused to talk any further.
I feel bad that I made him cry. I care about him and I don't want to abandon him, I think he needs my support. But how can I do this without becoming a doormat?
