• Quote of the Day
    "Worrying is like a rocking chair: It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."
    Van Wilder, posted by Daniel

^^Phoenix^^

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Re: Benzodiazepines

Hence..now i have to wean off..with no help..and try and make this appt. at the ROH when it does come..with nothing..when i think and feel that i do need help med wise..

Weaning off by yourself, because you are being forced to, does seem like not the best choice. Perhaps taking her advice and going to the emergancy ward would give you the oppertunity to keep the meds you are currently on until you get a chance to get the ROH appointment?
 

David Baxter

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Re: Benzodiazepines

Do you have anyone - friend, family member - who could go with you to the emergency department? If so, they do have a short time anxiety disorders crisis unit at one of the ottawa Hospitals - I think they can only give you 6 to 8 visits but they can make a referral for followup.

If you do get to see or talk to someone, see if you can get a referral to Dr. R. Kraus at the ROH - he doesn't see patients regularly but he does consultations regarding medication issues.
 

jkb

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Re: Benzodiazepines

bare with me for i have had ohh 5hrs sleep in total ..don't know why..just one of those nights..rare ones thank goodness..and me and no/lack of sleep don't mix ha..

um if at all possible i wanna avoid the hospital...it triggers anx. for me..it is a trigger..something which i'll go into maybe tom/later.

was told though that since my perscription right now..until i get the one early next week with the reduction on it..it says now take up to 10 tablets daily..(which i never took) so i would be looked at like i'm just some junky wanting more???..which is not true..obviously..

um poss. my dad could take me..if needed..only on certain nights and times during weekends..

i want to avoid that place if i can..though

i had emailed the head guy from medvisit about my situation, saying how i was agora etc..and would they/any doc help me for abit with my meds etc..since getting out is hard right now for me and i need guidance/help . ..well i recieved a? response..here is the main part:

Unfortunately I am not aware of any family physicians who routinely do housecalls for patients with your disorder. If you require a visit on an acute basis for your anxiety disorder or other acute non-emergency medical problems we will continue to do our best to help you.



can i take this route? meaning would this be an ok idea to try the next time they have a doc in ottawa..next week? and ask to about that doctor referal? or?

sorry just wanting to avoid the H place..if i can..

also what would i say? the whole story? or..

will write more to..when awake..just trying and needing to take abit of break..and get abit of rest

i know i have a few questions..just my brain is not working right now..

and i do want to read through some other posts to in awhile..

tyvm for your help/replies..means alot.
 

^^Phoenix^^

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Re: Benzodiazepines

Just to let you know that ive read your post, and am waiting for you to finish it...
(lol - not nagging you or anything, just wanted to let you know I was here)
 

jkb

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Re: Benzodiazepines

I haven't forgotten either to write..more..but unexpected night last night..which has led to another night of little sleep..and not to mention one heck of a headache..

Was all relaxed..and drifing asleep just about at about 8..when the fire alarm went off. I live in a apart. building..anyhow it is loud etc..Well it scared the u know what out of me..it startled me big time..i got up..got into my sweats but began to panic..i was beathing..or trying to lol..and by some miracle..a friend i had met online along time ago called me..i answered (she knows all about panic/anxiety agora etc) and she stayed on the phone with me the whole time it was going off and while i was in a pa..

I tried for i think 20 mins to calm down..to breathe etc..to but i culdn't shake this pa..i didn't care..so i reached for .25mg of xanax..took that..and with that and having somemone on the phone just 'there'..i calmed down enough within 15 mins.

point being is that i didn't want to take it..cuz i know i have limited amont now..but i just could not shake it..usully i ride through them..i feel bad..but it helped..and let me 'move'.

anyhow..after an hour it stopped..all false thank goodness.

Happned again at 245am..till 330 or almost 4..was ok sine i had been in a deep sleep..but am very tired, muscles are all tensed and a wicked headache..so i will be resting today..i need to..2 nights with lack of sleep..not good.. :eek:

i feel so guilty taking that .25mgs of xanax..but..i just couldn't shake it..i tried..i really did.. :(

will write more asap..

ty
 

jkb

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Re: Benzodiazepines

Just to add to the pile..



ok back to wherever this was/is going..

first i do have external stressors..and right now one of them is 'acting' up..just got a call..my mom had to go to hspital due to her migraines not going away..now this is one of my external stressors with causes me upped anxiety over the last few months or so cuz she is sick anyhow ..she has emphazima (can't spell)...along with other health probs. Just awhile ago..a month a go..there was a huge scare she had lung cancer,..came back negative thank god..she already beat breat cancer back in 98 i believe..so this is abiggy that is ongoing..and hearing this today..just upped my anx. ..:(..i pray she will be ok..and i pray that my dad, can keep his strength up to since he has a very demanding job on top of all..

-don't feel comfy to talk about why the hospital is a big trigger for me..not now..to much..

-i want to avoid this route at all costs

-any thoughts about the email i recieved from medvisit?

-do you think me trying one last time this weekend at some point writting to my doctor about all this is worth anything? Explaing..asking..etc..again..even to see if she'll just leave my meds alone till this appt. at the roh?

-i'm sorry for writting so much..i need to keep calm..like i said i truely bel. these external stressors are not helping at all..and that i'm sorry that IF i have a bad pa..and can't stop it..i am not gonna feel bad anymore if i need ABIT of xanax that does work..to help me further calm..yes..only if it is a big one..ONLY..i don't want to seem like i'm just popping them for the heck of it..cause i'm raelly not..:(

ok..gonna do some breathing exercises..want my mom to be ok

one of a few stressors? in my life..:(..i hate these calls..

ty..sorry for writing so much.
 

David Baxter

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Re: Benzodiazepines

do you think me trying one last time this weekend at some point writting to my doctor about all this is worth anything? Explaing..asking..etc..again..even to see if she'll just leave my meds alone till this appt. at the roh?

Possibly. Since she is telling you she will no longer see you as her patient, it would seem to me that the ethical and humanitarian thing to do would be to leave you on the current medications until you can be transferred to another doctor. She may feel she has good reasons to be doing it her way, of course.
 

foghlaim

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Re: Benzodiazepines

hi JKB.. just wondering how u are feeling today..
thinking of you ok.
 

jkb

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Re: Benzodiazepines

David Baxter said:
do you think me trying one last time this weekend at some point writting to my doctor about all this is worth anything? Explaing..asking..etc..again..even to see if she'll just leave my meds alone till this appt. at the roh?

Possibly. Since she is telling you she will no longer see you as her patient, it would seem to me that the ethical and humanitarian thing to do would be to leave you on the current medications until you can be transferred to another doctor. She may feel she has good reasons to be doing it her way, of course.

I'm not sure if its worth trying again..but i will..
I really don't see why this is occuring..why this is all nec...i really don't...i may never know..
 

jkb

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Re: Benzodiazepines

notsureanymore said:
hi JKB.. just wondering how u are feeling today..
thinking of you ok.

TY for asking..i'm ok..my mom is having problems bad migraines and is been in and out of the hospital..she was told that if not better today she has to go back...

this and all is not helping my anxiety..

just trying to keep calm and releaxed
hanging in..
 

foghlaim

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Re: Benzodiazepines

hello again JKB.. how are you these days? how's your mom doing?
any update on info from your doc?

hope you don't mind me asking..

hope you are ok.
 

jkb

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Re: Benzodiazepines

hi..been abit..just things going on..not feeling so 'hot' and i guess kinda hiding..and trying to deal w/all alone..without complaining..

thanks for asking nsm :) I hope you are well.

well..faxed letter to doc on monday..asking if she could leave my dose as is until i can be seen by a spec, i also had siad that i had a lot going on..and also wrote in there that if she wasn't going to be my gp since still not clear, could she tell me or suggest to me whom i can get my ODSP form signed cuz if it isn't signed again..i lose a lot of money off chq and won't be able to stay living where i am ..well with about 50 mth after rent...and that i needed my health card exemption form signed since i can't get to an office myself due to agora etc..and it is expired. i also asked what do i do if i have a bad pa..since before i was alloted abit if i could not calm it down myself...

no reply in any way..none..

now what kind of doc is that..

anyhow..been very stressed out..having hard time even dropping .25mgs..since my mom isn't good..over this last week she has been in and out of the hospital..they don't know what is going on..my dad is burnt out..and his job culd be at risk since he has had to take so much time off..

i'm having some finacial issues..so no phone as of today sometime..till not sure when..

i have headaches(not sure if from stress or reducing/trying to, xanax)....i feel stressed/anxious..and i have had to take abit extra .25mgs a few times over the last week and abit..(never had i had to do this this much..) and i'm supp. to drop down?..i just don't know..i'm trying desp. to hang in..

i haven't forgetten about you all..nor this site..just ..i don't know..

I will write mmore..i do read on and off..just..been resting as much as i can..and trying to keep my hope up..

i don't know..

All i gotta say is that this doctor is heartless..and unproff. imho..and well i just don't know.

sorry for rambling....tired....and trying to cope.

ty
 

foghlaim

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Re: Benzodiazepines

hi JkB.. i'm so glad u replied.. and thanks for the update..? with all this going on tis no wonder you are feeling kinda stressed out and tired .
I really hope your Dr prob get sorted soon.?
maybe just updating us here every now and again.. getting whatever support everyone can give you will i hope help you to continue hanging in there.

thinking of you... ( and your parents)


trying to deal w/all alone..without complaining..
JK You don't have to do this on your own...? this forum is here for you and me.. and all the others too..? ok.
 

jkb

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Well..got a call from receptionist i thiink on thrus..and she said that my dr. said tough luck..that i have no choice but to decrease..didn't give me any answers..didn't answer my q as to how to deal with pa's..the bad ones..how yes she was going on direction of this other shrink re: the xanax and if i didn't like it tough..that she could of just made me stop it cold trukey :confused:..gosh so much was said..so It is rough..very rough..no answers..nothing..

She didn't care that i had said that my anx. was more up due to my loss of a frien and my mom still yes being in and out of the hospital..she has decided for whatever reasons ..god only knows..that she refuses to leave my dose the way it is until i have an appt. at the ROH ..so..i don't know. I still don't get how she can by law alloswed to share myinfo etc..with another without consent..without me even ever talking to her..anyhow..

I'm really hanging in..really tough times..and well..i just don't now what to do..

I'm just trying to keep as calm as possible.to quiet the anxiety..rest..and i don't know right now..so much going on.
 

foghlaim

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JK: i agree it is rough at the min,, getting no direct answers from the Dr, The loss of your friend and panick attacks.. and the anxiety.. and i'm sorry it is so rough..


I think you are handling all that is going on very well and i'm glad that you an come here and talk to us.
You will get thru this.. ok..

thinking of you ..

nsa.
 

jkb

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ty for your well wishes..

I have been ok..i did get a call from the rec. again a few days back saying that even if i do have a bad PA that i am not allowed to take abit of xanax to help calm, and to go to the er everytime i have one (haha nooooooo :(..not a place i likewill talk abut that still at some point..). so that is another reason why i have been quiet ..among also that things with my mom are still bad..they don't understand why she isn't getting better and has/ is going through alot of tests (mri's and spinal tap etc). :(

I was simply told that there is no way to add or begin any new med while the xanax being in my body..I do not understand this at all. :confused:

I called the ottawa hospital, pysch clinic, and even if I could get there.the woman whom answered said there is no crisis anxiety unit there any longer. She also asked me a few questions, what med i was on and how in the world do i support myself with agora etc. I was kinda surprised by the last question. I told her i was on xanax and she goes "OMG xanax? we don't even have that here nor presrcibe such medications here" I was shocked at this for the way in which she said it was like i was searching for it when i'm not at all..and as well it shows in my opinion the stigma atached to benzoids still..yes they are addictive, yet people like I are NOT abusing them and very few do.

I hate meds..but hey when i'm really panicky/having a bad pa or if i'm trying to do my baby steps with this agora..knowing that i was/had been /could take .25mgs to STOP the panic eased my mind..and it did indeed helped a lot. While ssri's do not stop those pa's..anyhow..i'm rambling..

I will be trying to search out some other help..for trying to keep the anxeity away and mostly the BAD pa's when i do get them..is very hard to do on my own..so I have been resting alot...yet i still feel that this all isn't right.

anyhow off i go for a rest..my anxiety level rises to when it is pms time and blah it is that time. :eek: :(.

ty for listening :)
 

jkb

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No luck with finding a doctor..a new one..i'm tired of fighting something that ishouldn't have to..

This all is just going to get harder and harder as i drop more isn't it?..i'm alreadly having problems with the first decrease..i hate this all..i wish that i never made that call at the beg. of feb to her..If i hadn't..i wouldn't be here..even worse off.

I am trying to manage the best i can..but it is so hard..i want to suceed..i just don't know how.

I keep at the baby steps..but now am more behind for the fear has grown more intense wiht the reducution of the xanax..making my baby steps harder to do, due to the fear she has put on me, or that is how i feel.

I know so many people on 2 diff. meds..if not more..hence why im so lost.

there isn't much i can do..right? i mean its doctors orders and i tried to talk to her.

anyhow..this is where i'm at...the same..if not worse.

I did end up taking abit of xanax the other day.. :cry: Ihad a bad pa and the more and more i thought about having to go to the hospital..the worse it got..so i took a tad..a half of .25mgs..i feel guilty..yet in reality i really shouldn't..or maybe i should.

anyhow enough..just rambling and still seeking out help.
 

foghlaim

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I am trying to manage the best i can..but it is so hard..i want to suceed
i'm alreadly having problems with the first decrease. I keep at the baby steps..

Jk. just want to say well done!! for decreasing,, despite the problems, you have done it..are doing it!!
and you are still taking your baby steps.. and manageing as best you can..
well I think you should be proud of yourself.. as hard as it is... you are still ploughing away..
You are a lot stronger than u think.. well done..

keep seeking.. eventually u will find.. ok.. ((hugs))


nsa
 

jkb

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Thanks NSA.? :) Your positve thoughts and comments means alot. I hope you are doing well.

I still haven't found further help/aka..a doc or..? I'm yes still struggling with all... The reduction of xanax with nothing else in my aka situation hasn't made things easy at all. I am here..and most days they have been filled with anxiety and pa's. I haven'tin my life ever felt as anxious etc as I have over the last what? 2.5 mths? It is sad..and it is sick? IMHO.?

I talked to the roh anx. clicnic the other day and she was saying that i'm only going to be seen for a short duration there after this assessment, however i will get there,..anyhow and how that after the recommendations that are given are given to my doctor. sighhhhhhh. So if she doesn't agree with lets say meds..then she can say nope..so this all worries me more.? I guess I need to figure that out to..

Most of my pa's/anxiety I just suffer and I do my breathing etc. Most times it works after a long time..yet many of them i haven't been able to calm lately and yep i have taken a bit of xanax. Not much..but i just do not want to when i'm in that bad pa mode to 'suffer' needlessly you know I mean..grrrrr. Anyhow hence to say that yes i'm still struggling here.?

My mom is still quite ill to. They do not know what is causing her migraines for 3 weeks now. Shw was back in the hospital the othr ight for more tests..and another mri. I pray that they find out what is going on..and are able to help her.

On another note..today was a good day ..one that wow..i didn't expect..and haven't had in a long time. For the first time in months and months I went around my building. It isn't a far walk..but i have NOT done this in so long..I just knew..i just had to get outside..i had to. Yet unfort. yep i did end up taking a wee bit of xanax (a half of .25mgs) . I ended up popping it as i was half way around my apt. building for i was beginning to get anxieou. BUT I did it..and you know i have no regrets. This is how it all started for me last spring/summer..how i began making HUGE strides in my agora. I had at that time, the being allowed to take abit of xanax if needed, I had my phone which i carry with me, and i had a support network. ALL this is how i made it to the store for the first time in a year or more last year..and then it became that I didn't need that tad extra xanax..and i was going to the corner store and more quite abit. I was able to just simply sit and be outside for a good hour or more..I was doing really good till the relpase happened and some other events came into play shortly afterwards.? I guess my point to this all is if one, like i needs a med, to help 'get out' litterally is it really that bad? Why such guilt? ( i wasn't made to feel like this then or ever..just since all this began over the last few months.?

Soo i sit here proud of what i accomplished today...yet feeling guilty cuz i ended up taking abit of my med to help. Now how strange is that ..and how ..i don't know..

Yet i am happy..but tired. It is simply amazing how when you do things outside your comfort zone, (being agora etc..) how tired it makes you..just doing the simplicist things...I do know it goes, and it becomes better for the more I was aable to do this last year..the less fatigued I got..the better i felt..in all ways.

To go back in time..wuld be nice.

TY for listening.. :)
 

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