Blame Game

[codenameeagle]

I spent most of my life getting pushed to the limit of what a typical person might endure to the point of breaking. I feel like I have become completely desensitized, so I developed an anti-social defence mechanism to dealing with any kind of interaction with people. In fact, I ****ing hate people and can't stand being around people in general. I just want to be alone and do my own thing. I don't know why I feel this way but I just do. The ironic thing is that I used to be a social person, I used to like being around people and spending time with my friends, "there was never a dull moment". Its being gloomy day after gloomy day for for 4 years now, I feel like I'm trapped in this fog of anger and sadness and I want to move on and get better, I don't really know what to do at this point.

Everyday I try getting to the heart of my problem and it feels like this enormous entanglement of blame I wish I could just forget about and move on. At this point I have come to realize that I am just going to have to deal with these things and truly heal, but I just can't find the means. Its really painful when I try to speak from my heart, especially to loved ones. I hate feeling this way, but I have become so used to it.

Lately I've felt like I've being making some decent progress in digging deep into the heart throbbing roots of myself, but then I can't sleep at night. I often have terrible dreams, and I just won't put myself through it so I stay up all hours of the night. As a result I spend a lot of my night just trying to cry out the hurt, which I find so hard to do sometimes because its so painful. I feel like I will die from choking on so much bottled up anger and remorse built up in my chest.

 

[Domo]

Are you seeing a therapist or digging into these problems on your own?

 

[codenameeagle]

Myself.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Are you seeing a therapist or digging into these problems on your own?

Myself.

Perhaps it's time to consider trying Plan B?

 

[forgetmenot]

That is very hard for one to heal themselves. A therapist would be so helpful to you in that he/she can guide you when the pain does come out. A therapist has the skills to help you see what sometimes is not so clear to us. It is good you are trying to heal to deal with the pain but sometimes it gets to overwhelming and that is when a professional can step in and control just how much pain comes out and is able to shut down the pain appropriately until next session. Is there anyway you can get some professional help to guide you in your healing process. It truly helps.

 

[codenameeagle]

Therapists are paid to listen to you, the idea of it is so insincere.

 

[Domo]

Everyone has to make a living. They would not be in the profession if they didn't really care.

I dealt with the same feelings too but quickly learnt otherwise.

 

[Banned]

That's alot for someone to deal with, CNE. And, it doesn't seem to be working for you.

I hope you'll consider the advice of Dr. Baxter and Violet and consider getting someone who has the knowledge and skills to help you through this. There are alot of really good people on this earth and it would suck to go through life so jaded and closed to valuable relationships. But...it sounds like you're shouldering alot of pain and it isn't going to go away on it's own...so give some therapy some thought, ok?

 

[Banned]

Therapists are paid to listen to you, the idea of it is so insincere.

That's where the therapeutic alliance comes in...when it's there, you and your therapist become a team, working towards your goals to improve your quality of life.

Yes, you pay your therapist...they need to eat and pay their mortgage too. You're also paying for their knowledge - they spend a long, long time in school to develop the knowledge and skills to help you live a fruitful life. No matter what kind of expertise you're seeking in life - mechanic, dentist, computer repair guy, dog trainer, swimming instructor...they all come at a price.

 

[Murray]

I agree with what everyone else has said. A therapist may really be able to help you. You shouldn't have to keep suffering like this on your own. Therapists do get paid of course, but I believe that they really do care, or they wouldn't do this for a living.

 

[Banned]

Therapists do get paid of course, but I believe that they really do care, or they wouldn't do this for a living.

Yup. It's ALOT of school to go through and to be successful, they have to care. It's just not optional.

 

[forgetmenot]

My psychologist is worth every cent i pay him His skills have kept me alive kept me here so i could take care of my family members He cares he loves his job if he did it just for money he would not be as affective as he is. You will see a therapist will help you heal and i never begrudge any money i have to spend on keeping me stable I am coping because of it.