Blonde Jokes

[Halo]

Blonde Handywoman

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing the neighbourhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. 'You finished already?' the husband asked. 'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added ... 'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.'

 

[ladylore]

Re: Blonde Handywoman

:lol:

 

[Gene53]

She was Soooooooo Blonde

She was Soooooooo Blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' she wrote 'Sagittarius.'

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept
She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
Under 'education ' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'Concentrate.'
She told me to meet her at the corner of 'WALK' and 'DON'T WALK.'

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She studied for a blood test.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Written by an ex-blonde who has now turned grey.
:dance:

 

[Mari]

Smart Blonde

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Smart Blonde

This is the best blonde joke I have read in a long time

 

[NicNak]

Re: Smart Blonde

I agree with Daniel, Mari. It was a real good joke! Thanks for sharing Mari.

 

[white page]

Re: Smart Blonde

That is very good . Thank you Mari

 

[Halo]

Re: Smart Blonde

That cracked me up :rofl: Thanks Mari for sharing it....never heard it before but love it :lol:

 

[SoSo]

Re: Smart Blonde

Good one...thanks for the :rofl:
Feistyeek:

 

[Into The Light]

Re: Smart Blonde

that's a really funny one :thankyou:

 

[NicNak]

The Irish blonde

The Irish Blonde
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES, YES, I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid; not all blonds are dumb; but all men are men.

 

[Jazzey]

Re: {adultish joke} Irish blonde joke

:lol: I like it! Thanks NN.

 

[Halo]

Q - Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A - She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

------------------------------------

One day a blonde was having trouble with her computer, so she calls tech support.

"Hello how can I help you?," the tech support woman says.

"Yes, I am having trouble getting my computer to do anything," the blonde says.

"What window do you have open?"

"Are you crazy! it's freezing cold outside!"

------------------------------------

In the morning, a blonde enters a restaurant with a carton of orange juice. She puts the orange juice on the table and stares at it.

The store is about to close down and the blonde is still staring at the orange juice. A waiter comes and asks the blonde, "Excuse me, we are about to close for the evening, I'm afraid your going to have to leave."

"No" They blonde replies.

"Why not?" questions the waiter.

"The carton says "concentrate".

 

[white page]

:funny: Love it Halo thanks !:clap:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Blonde Pregnancy Test

YouTube - Blonde Girl Pregnancy Test - Funny Ad

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Blonde Pregnancy Test

...:dramaqueen: Like, I'm SOOO hoping that like her baby boy doesn't like, get her smarts?

But, can you say grody man...Like, I'm so definitely keeping my ipod away from boys. I didn't know that, like, iPods, could like, get you PREGNANT!!! Or is that something that, like, her boyfriend got through like, maybe iTunes?

Now I'm like, a little all nervous - I use that thing, like gosh, like every day???

 

[Jazzey]

Blonde joke

Blonde in Warehouse - Blonde Jokes

One day a blonde office worker comes out to the warehouse to walk around. As she is walking she looks up and sees a co-worker hanging upside down from an I-Beam in the ceiling.

She asks "What ARE you doing"?

The co-worker says "I need a few days off but the boss won't let me have them so I'm hanging upside down from this I-Beam acting crazy. The boss will see me, think I need rest and send me home for a few days".

The blonde says "That won't work...uh ohh...here comes the boss now, you're in for it".

The boss spots the blode looking up and sees the man hanging up there and asks him "Just WHAT do you think you are DOING?!!"

The man says (in a "crazy" voice) I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb"

The boss says "Buddy, you need some rest..take the rest of today and tomorrow off and get some sleep".

As he is climbing down he winks at the blonde showing her it worked.

The blonde thinks about this for a moment and starts to follow the man out the door.

The boss asks her "WHERE do you think YOU'RE going?"

The blonde says "I can't work in the dark".

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Blonde joke

Helicopter Lessons
One day a blonde gets free helicopter lesson. So she drives to the place and asks the instructor if she can have the lessons.

The instructor teaches her the controls and tells her: "Call me on this radio every 2000 feet".

So she goes in the helicopter and takes off. At 2000 she called him. At 4000 feet she calls him. At 6000 feet she calls him. But, at 8000 feet she does not call him.

He was wander what was going on when he heard a CRASH from behind him. The instructor ran over to the crashed helicopter and asked the blonde what happened.

She replied: "It got really cold, so i turned off the big fan".

 

[Banned]

Bad Blonde Joke

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

 

[white page]

Re: Bad Blonde Joke

Great joke Turtle, I don't think it's bad at all