• Quote of the Day
    "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
    Nelson Mandela, posted by Daniel

braveheart

Member
Joined
May 8, 2005
Messages
1,485
Points
36
The bullying I experienced, mobbing from a group of 20+ girls in my year group over a period of 10 years, day in day out, hurt me.

Sometimes I was assaulted physically.
But all the time emotionally.
Things thrown at me.
Ink flicked over my shirt.
Hit on my back with a chalky wooden backed board rubber.
My things hidden.
Being called spas, among other things.

It hurts. I feel so sad.

They made me feel like a nobody, noone. Not worth caring about. A piece of garbage. Just an object to be ridiculed and laughed at.

Teachers did NOTHING.
They ignored it all.

And so I became voiceless. So my voice often doesn't feel like my own.

Dissociation. Depersonalisation. Agitation. Hyper-Vigilance. Depression. Panic attacks. Low self esteem. Extreme social anxiety. Irritability. Avoidance.
All caused by bullying.
And I'm gradually healing all these symptoms. Slowly but surely.

I was emotionally abused and emotionally neglected at home, too.

I believe bullying can be peer abuse.

I'm close to tears as I type this.
I cried a lot in therapy today.
My therapist is helping me break through the steel door holding my emotions in.
Back then I had no voice, no sense of my right to exist.
And it aches with a raw painful ache in my chest.

I really need validation and reassurance right now. Please.
 
Joined
Oct 14, 2004
Messages
8,521
Points
48
Re: bullying hurts

it aches with a raw painful ache in my chest

I hear you. You're a real, valid, special person who didn't deserve any of those awful things. I'm sorry you're hurting. I can relate to that feeling of the raw ache. I'm glad you have a wonderful therapist to help you along in this journey.

:hug: :hug:
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
36
you have a voice braveheart. we hear you and see you, and those bullies had no right to do what they did to you. the teachers had no right to turn a blind eye. they are just as much responsible for your hurt and suffering as your peers. every adult person in your life at that time did fail to protect you.

i am glad you had a productive session today. it is hard, but it is healing. you're doing a great job :hug:
 

Garrett

Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2007
Messages
38
Points
6
braveheart, I had no idea that had happened to you. Someone should have been there to support you. The school turned a blind eye and did nothing. :mad: Your support at home was no better. I'm really sorry to hear about this. I can tell you this: Not everyone would have ignored you. If I were there at your school it would have stopped! I guarantee you that. I don't know why no one ever stepped in to protect you, but they should have and it's not your fault.

I'm sorry to hear your home wasn't much better. This, if any place, is where you should have had your support. No one deserves to be brought up in that type environment.

Good luck to you and let us know how things are going. :)
 

braveheart

Member
Joined
May 8, 2005
Messages
1,485
Points
36
Thank you.

Something happened today to stir up those feelings of being worthless and useless and nobody. I'm really hurting and upset right now.

The lake of utter aloneness is deep and treacherous. I mustn't fall in. Just feel it. Hold compassion for myself. Be tender.
But it's hard. Really hard.
 

Garrett

Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2007
Messages
38
Points
6
Thank you.

Something happened today to stir up those feelings of being worthless and useless and nobody. I'm really hurting and upset right now.

The lake of utter aloneness is deep and treacherous. I mustn't fall in. Just feel it. Hold compassion for myself. Be tender.
But it's hard. Really hard.

Most everyone has something to give. You are not worthless and useless and you are somebody. If anything, what was done to you made you a better person. A sensitive, passionate and caring person. How many people can reach deep down to their most innards and express in words how they feel? It takes a special person to do that. Not everybody can. You can rise above the hurt that was done to you. You have it in you to do this. You can help others and be more understanding of their pain; their wants and needs. Sometimes it helps to help others. Just being there for some one can help us on the road to recovery.

You are someone. Keep repeating that! I am special. I am someone. :)
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
36
you are a wonderful person braveheart. you are very caring, compassionate, sensitive, insightful. from your own experiences you are able to help others and you do help others. you touch upon other people's lives in a very positive way. that is anything but worthless or useless. :hug:
 

sister-ray

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2005
Messages
2,017
Points
36
you are a wonderful person braveheart. you are very caring, compassionate, sensitive, insightful. from your own experiences you are able to help others and you do help others. you touch upon other people's lives in a very positive way. that is anything but worthless or useless. :hug:


I'll second that:hug:
 

braveheart

Member
Joined
May 8, 2005
Messages
1,485
Points
36
I don't know what to say.
It's hard from part of me to accept you believe in me. That anyone believes in me.
I'm feeling very desolate today.
I'm sorry.

Rationally I know people believe in me. Well, some people.
 

Halo

Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2005
Messages
7,475
Points
36
We do believe in you Braveheart and always will :hug: You need to trust that especially on days when you are not feeling as well, like today. We care about you so much and will support and believe in you always :heart::heart:

Take care
:hug: :grouphug:
 

Garrett

Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2007
Messages
38
Points
6
Everything will be fine. You're stronger than you know. God only gives us what we can handle. Keep that head up. :)
 

uzma

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2007
Messages
11
Points
1
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. just believe in yourself and trust your instincts... believe in "i am somebody". When you do so you will have faith in yourself and you will overcome any obstacle that you have in your way and with the time everything will get perfect as you want.
Just be patient and the world will be yours.
Best of luck....
All our wishes are with u braveheart.

cheers...
 

lallieth

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2007
Messages
831
Points
16
Braveheart-the name you chose for yourself says it all.You are really a BRAVE HEART :)
 

Top Bottom