HotthenCold
Member
I know a diagnosis is impossible without in depth personal interaction with a therapist, but I've made some disturbing insights about myself that I don't know how to overcome.
I read the articles on psychpathy and anti social personality disorder, and I'm worried that I have too many traits associated with some egocentric disorders in that realm.
Basically this is why:
I spend a huge amount of time obsessing over my looks and attractiveness. I take rejection very hard and I need constant affirmation of my attractiveness.
I try and avoid talking about myself but once someone finds that catalyst I seem to say way too much and be too self interested. In fact I can tell from otehrs responses towards what I say that I must over estimate the importance of my opinions and of my self to other people.
I have very strong emotions tied to peoples actions towards me and all it takes is a slight dirty look to send me in to a deep depression and rage.
I always think people are talking about me, and it's always derogatory. If I see someone smiling in my direction I usually interpret it as a mocking smile. I honestly believe they are talking about me no matter how unrealistic it is that I make that much of an interpretation on other people. I commented earlier on the spotlight effect articel, but my ability to let go is only sometimes. It still has the power to send me in to a self hating episode.
When I feel wronged by someone I have immediately plot ways to sever all ties with them, even family members. I usually let the important people back in to a degree, but there is really no on in my life who I don't harbour a great deal of animosity towards for previous slights towards my ego and to whom I don't harboud revenge fantasies.
I can barely make myself want to participate in most of normal life. I hate most pop culture, I find most peoples conversation to be very boring or stupid, I can barely find any joy in interacting with other people.I tend to look down on a lot of people for their stupid behaviour.
I usually am secretly overcome by how meaningless and terrifiying human life is. Sometimes I feel on top of the world, but more often I just feel sad and empty, and the craziness of life combined with the terror of inevitable death, as well as the lack of a connection to something eternal and comforting just fully occupies my mind. Sometimes I can distract myself, but the void seems to hang over ever though and every second.
When I want something I can be extremely focused on getting it and when things get in my way I tend to have little patience for dealing with them.
It's not all bad, but the bad days are unbearable and I'm worried becausewhen I'm down I become very self destructive and constantly think of suicide.
Some help please...
I read the articles on psychpathy and anti social personality disorder, and I'm worried that I have too many traits associated with some egocentric disorders in that realm.
Basically this is why:
I spend a huge amount of time obsessing over my looks and attractiveness. I take rejection very hard and I need constant affirmation of my attractiveness.
I try and avoid talking about myself but once someone finds that catalyst I seem to say way too much and be too self interested. In fact I can tell from otehrs responses towards what I say that I must over estimate the importance of my opinions and of my self to other people.
I have very strong emotions tied to peoples actions towards me and all it takes is a slight dirty look to send me in to a deep depression and rage.
I always think people are talking about me, and it's always derogatory. If I see someone smiling in my direction I usually interpret it as a mocking smile. I honestly believe they are talking about me no matter how unrealistic it is that I make that much of an interpretation on other people. I commented earlier on the spotlight effect articel, but my ability to let go is only sometimes. It still has the power to send me in to a self hating episode.
When I feel wronged by someone I have immediately plot ways to sever all ties with them, even family members. I usually let the important people back in to a degree, but there is really no on in my life who I don't harbour a great deal of animosity towards for previous slights towards my ego and to whom I don't harboud revenge fantasies.
I can barely make myself want to participate in most of normal life. I hate most pop culture, I find most peoples conversation to be very boring or stupid, I can barely find any joy in interacting with other people.I tend to look down on a lot of people for their stupid behaviour.
I usually am secretly overcome by how meaningless and terrifiying human life is. Sometimes I feel on top of the world, but more often I just feel sad and empty, and the craziness of life combined with the terror of inevitable death, as well as the lack of a connection to something eternal and comforting just fully occupies my mind. Sometimes I can distract myself, but the void seems to hang over ever though and every second.
When I want something I can be extremely focused on getting it and when things get in my way I tend to have little patience for dealing with them.
It's not all bad, but the bad days are unbearable and I'm worried becausewhen I'm down I become very self destructive and constantly think of suicide.
Some help please...
I have a nasty habit of pushing everyone out of my life. I always assume that people are talking badly about me behind my back - and so sometimes, I can lash out when maybe they weren't even talking about me.
