Can anyone help?

[MikeinOttawa]

When I was a kid, I was always teased about two things: my weight or my ears. I guess my ears were a little bigger back then, however I'm not concerned about them anymore (thankfully).

I'm really more bothered because of my weight.

People calling me fat (even my grandmother), I could name names over and over and I remember specific instances.

My weight is always on the back of my mind. I hate taking public transportation because I feel so fat. I don't want others to judge me. I catch their looks whenever I step onto a bus and I always have negative thoughts. I think that people are talking behind my back about my weight or that they don't enjoy my company or something. Just walking down the halls in school takes the utmost courage from me right now. I see glances and I know exactly what they are thinking.

My school attendance has suffered because of this. I enjoy class once I'm in class, but the process of getting there is what kills me. I'm always so worried about what other people think of me. Excuse my language, but its ****ing retarded, I know, but I can't help it. It's always in the back of my mind. I always have such negative thoughts about everything!

I've tried telling my mother about my issues a little bit, I told her I have trouble taking the bus but I don't think she understands.

Be it work or my love life (I needed to be constantly assured that my partner loved me; we've since broken up and it feels like things have gotten worse.)

I hate working out in front of people because I know they are judging me. I sometimes get so wrapped up in my own thoughts about whether people like me or if im doing okay that I just get loss and can't concentrate on whats at hand. I always feel so awkward around females, specifically. I want them to 'want me'; even if theres no attraction to them. I don't understand it.

I am sick of these negative thoughts, and have tried turning them around and telling them to shut-up but it doesn't seem to be working.

My doctor gave me these anti-depressants (they start with a Z I think...) but I couldn't sleep. They were 120mg doses. I took two pills but thats it.

When I tried to sleep, my brain would be WIRED. I'd have a voice just repeating over and over how much better my life would be if I was skinny.

"It'll all be okay when I'm skinny. Can you imagine what it will be like? Girls will just fall all over you. You just have to be skinny. Everything will be better."

just over and over and over. I couldn't sleep because of it. It disturbed me.

What kills me is I have a large frame. I doubt that I'll ever be skinny but I can't continue to live like this. It is destroying my life.

I always catch glimpses of myself in mirrors or make sure I look good or even wake up my brother at 7am in the morning for him to tell me the back of my hair looks okay.

I even pick up shiny objects to check my hair out to make sure I look my best.

I have a hard time talking about this (I guess the internet is a good medium to let feelings fly) and I doubt I could explain it well in person without breaking into tears.

I hate my body and I always feel like it's holding me back. I know I can do great things in life but I'm having such a hard time.

It seems like life is always a big struggle. I'm sick of swimming up current. I feel like my patience is running out. I have thoughts of suicide, but I can't hurt my family like that. It feels like my life is never going to get better.

I'm sorry this was so long but I guess I had a lot to get off my chest.

I'm not sure what to do or where to start. I've looked around for support groups but there doesn't seem to be any nor do I know what exactly is wrong with me.

I just want a normal life and to go one day without worrying about what people are thinking of me or judging me.

 

[Meg]

Firstly, welcome to Psychlinks, Mike

It must be very difficult to go through each day with so many thoughts about people judging you negatively. I'm really glad that you took the initiative of going to see your doctor about it. Did the doctor suggest any kind of psychological therapy or offer you a referral to a mental health professional? There are types of psychological therapy that specifically target the kind of negative thoughts that are causing you so much distress and result in good outcomes for many patients. I think it would be a really good idea for you to find out some more about it.

I'm not exactly sure how the system works in Ottawa, but I imagine you could either find a psychologist for yourself in the phone book or go back to your doctor and ask for a referral. There are many people from Canada on this forum, including Dr Baxter himself, who may be able to give you more assistance with that.

I know that the internet is a much more attractive option in some ways, but it's got its limitations. I understand that showing emotion in front of someone else is difficult, but that's what they're there for. They're not there to judge you, just to help you.

You might find it helpful to check out this thread: The Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

 

[Into The Light]

one thing i notice is you are convinced everyone around you is judging you. that would mean that every single person you are in the vicinity of would have to be looking at you and thinking about you.

i bet other people who are worried about being judged may be thinking you are judging them. but you aren't, because you are too worried about yourself - i am trying to make the point here that people have a lot of other things that go through their minds and that you aren't necessarily the focus of their attention.

it sounds like you may possible be depressed, have you spoken to your family doctor about how you are feeling?

 

[Into The Light]

sorry, i missed that you did talk to your doctor.

it might be an idea to go back again and talk a bit more about things.

 

[Mari]

:welcome2: MikeinOttawa

I took two pills but thats it.

If you stopped the medication after only two pills then I am not sure you really gave it a chance. I agree with Meg about going back to your doctor and specifically requesting a referral to a mental health professional. Post as long as you like - we are here for you and to help if we can. :dimples: Mari

 

[MikeinOttawa]

:welcome2: MikeinOttawa



If you stopped the medication after only two pills then I am not sure you really gave it a chance. I agree with Meg about going back to your doctor and specifically requesting a referral to a mental health professional. Post as long as you like - we are here for you and to help if we can. :dimples: Mari

Mari:

after the results of taking those two pills... lets just say im better off without them.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Mari:

after the results of taking those two pills... lets just say im better off without them.

Not necessarily.

First, starting many new medications may result in "adaptation effects" which typically diminish over the first 5 to 7 days.

Second, if that particular medication resulted in intolerable or lasting side-effects for you, a better option would have been to return to your doctor and request that he prescribe a similar medication which would not have those side-effects.

You were probably taking Zoloft, by the sound of it. There are newer and better anti-depressant medications available these days and with some patience and a bit of trial-and-error, you probably could find one that works for you without the side-effects.

A large scale study of SSRI medications in the US has shown that the vast majority of people can be helped by the second or third medication they try within that family. And of course, some are lucky and find that the first one they try works without side-effects.

 

[Halo]

Were the side effects that you felt that bad? Have you thought or talked to your doctor about possibly another one which may be better on side effects? There are so many medications on the market that it really is a trial and error when it comes to finding the right one.

 

[MikeinOttawa]

Were the side effects that you felt that bad? Have you thought or talked to your doctor about possibly another one which may be better on side effects? There are so many medications on the market that it really is a trial and error when it comes to finding the right one.

I described it in my post... basically I had some nasty thoughts running through my head. I was wired. Like I drank 1000 cups of coffee in 5 minutes.

I was taking Cymbalta. I thought it started with a Z but i guess i was wrong.