• Quote of the Day
    "For most people, transformation is slow. It happens without you realizing it."
    Marsha Linehan, posted by Daniel

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
Messages
552
Points
16
He has sent me two e-mails and left me a voice mail at work that I should call him and that he still considers us friends. We aren't friends :(
Why is he doing this after all this time? Just because I ran into him, but that was over a month ago. I am doing ok lately, I don't need this.

I feel sick to my stomach, I want to hide out in my house under a blanket. I don't want to deal with this. I guess if I ignore the messages he will go away, but why would he get in touch with me, I guess he is worried I might say something to his girlfriend if I run into him again and he wants to act like we are friends or something, I don't know. I don't care. I just want to turn my phone off and stay in my house and never leave.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,968
Points
113
Suppose you send him one email saying something like the following:

We are not friends and, as you are fully aware, there are very good reasons why we will never be friends. I do not wish to see or talk with you or communicate with you in any way whatsoever. Please respect my wishes in this matter and leave me alone.

Otherwise, I may have no choice but to take whatever legal action may be available to me to ensure that you do so.

If he commuinicates with you further after that, ignore him. If he is persistent, talk to a lawyer about filing harrassment charges.

There is no reason for you to have to hide in your home. Hold your head high and refuse to give him any power at all over you. Yiou have done nothing wrong. He is the one who should be hiding in his home.
 

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
Messages
552
Points
16
Thank you for the suggestion and for drafting a response, I will cut it and paste it and send just that now.

You are right of course, I can not hide out in my house, even though I feel like it a little. I guess I need to show a little more strength of character, its just hard to do that sometimes for some reason. Especially with people that have the ability to make you feel bad about yourself but I suppose its me doing that.

Thank you again.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,968
Points
113
Especially with people that have the ability to make you feel bad about yourself but I suppose its me doing that.

It really is. He (they) doesn't have that kind of power unless you give him that kind of power. Sometimes the best victory is not to give that power, not to react, not to let it get to you or touch you. He then becomes invisible to you - someone who just doesn't matter at all - and that can be the sweetest victory of all.
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
36
i just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and i really hope the email will help you feel like you've got your power back. take care.
 

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
Messages
552
Points
16
Thank you both, I feel like I am always thanking you both, but your support always gives me a healthy perspective, something that I often lack. This has been a really trying few years but I realized I am alot better, I have worked really really hard on myself and given up alot of my bad habits and I thought yes I can send the e-mail just the way Dr Baxter suggested and so I did. Then I felt a bit scared having done it because thats about as assertive as I have been in a long time. I stayed in the house, intending to stay here all day because I was scared but then I thought about what you said Dr Baxter and it was such a nice day I thought I would go ice skating. Then I came home and thought I will go where ever I want today and everyday. So I went out again. When I came home, I hadnt got an answer to the e-mail to him, and still nothing now, hopefully that will be the end of it.

So, that is why I say thanks alot, I do feel better now and kind of happy I am finally sticking up for myself.
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
36
:yahoo: good for you adaptive!! i am really glad you got out and enjoyed the day :) being assertive is scary and it's just something we need to practice and over time it becomes second nature. you did great :goodjob:
 

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
Messages
552
Points
16
Still no reply to my e-mail you drafted for me Dr Baxter, I must say that is a tremendous relief. Thank you so much for doing that for me, its really weird but ever since I sent it I feel different inside, like just more at peace or something, I am not sure how to explain it. Maybe this is really the start of a new positive chapter for me in my life, I feel happy, for the first time in a long time I dont feel ashamed of myself or like I need to distract myself with compulsive behaviour.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,968
Points
113
I'm glad to hear that, adaptive1.

It's a step toward taking back control of your life and your world. :goodjob:
 

Latest posts


Top Bottom