Changing Therapists

[Banned]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get some insight from some of you who may have experienced this before. And I guess - I'm just so confused, I don't know what to think.

I've been seeing the same therapist for about a year and a half now. We knew each other beforehand, and after about six months I felt like things weren't really going well but I wanted to stick it out and see how it went. It's now been a year and a half. I haven't seen him for three months because he goes away for the summer. The last time I saw him was June 8. In his absence I was (am) seeing someone else that he recommended. She is absolutley amazing. I clicked with her right away, I'm not afraid to speak up, I feel like I can be open and honest. Pretty much everything I DON'T feel with my other therapist. Anyway, it's been a really hard decision but I've decided to continue with her and stop seeing him. The problem is, I don't want him out of my life, I just don't want to see him as a therapist.

Now that he's back I've been trying to get an appointment with him and every time I propose he just comes back and says "no sorry I'm busy then". I gave it one last shot today and proposed this Saturday. Right now I'm really, really angry and even hateful towards him. But, I feel like after three years (remember I knew him before) of confiding in the guy I'd like some level of closure and I also owe it to him to let him know that I'm not continuing anymore. I don't want it to end with me feeling like this towards him, but I'm not getting anywhere in trying to meet with him. I've decided that if he says no to Saturday I'm not even going to respond because what am I supposed to say at this point? I guess I'll just cease to exist in his eyes. Again, I don't want to end feeling like I'm hating him, and I don't want it to end badly, but I don't really know where to go if he's being less than cooperative.

Any help you guys can provide would be appreciated. I"m trying to not focus on what I'm losing (potentially a friendship) but rather focus on what I'm gaining (an amazing therapist who totally gets me on every level).

 

[ThatLady]

If you do find that he's unable to meet with you on Saturday, what about an email (or a letter) explaining your feelings? That way, you can at least communicate what you would like him to know and understand. That should give you some closure, at least.

 

[foghlaim]

The only thing i can think of here is to write aletter to him and explain that you are gonna stay with your new therapist and thank him for the refferal. Then maybe suggest you meet up after work some evening and have a coffee or a drink maybe.. that way you are still the same friend you always were and giving him the same option to remain your friend as well.

I'm glad you have found this amazing therapist.. good for you..

nsa

 

[Banned]

It might have to be an email. The main problem with that is that it'll be one way - he won't respond so I'll forever wonder. Plus, you can't read tone in email, so I don't want it to be taken the wrong way. I'm just so angry with him now that I'm saying I don't care, but I know I do. At the end of the day email might be my only option though...and at least I'll have said my piece.

 

[Into The Light]

is it an option to talk about it over the phone rather than send email?

 

[Banned]

Baseballcap -

Possibly. My problem with him is that he is incredibly unfriendly over the phone AND in email...but when you meet him in person he's the opposite...it's very bizarre. But, maybe phone is a better option than email....At least there's the chance that actual dialogue could occur. Yup, I s'pose that's an option as well.

 

[Halo]

I agree with BBC in that maybe a phone call will at least give you the closure and the feeling of being able to tell him what you want without wondering if you send an email first if he actually got it, whether he read it and whether he will respond. If you call him and speak to him over the phone than there is no guessing that he heard you and you hear him.

As for finding a new therapist....I am truly happy for you and think that this is a great decision that you are making.

I believe that not that many months ago I was in the same boat and I am so glad that I have found this new therapist .

Take care and good luck with whatever you decide but please keep us updated if you can. :goodjob:

 

[Into The Light]

or, the other option would be, why not invite him out for a beer, coffee or whatever and then bring the things up you wanted to tell him once you're out together? he doesn't even have to know that you have something to tell him. just invite him out.

just another thought.. no idea if this would work as i don't know either of you

 

[Banned]

Well, I have an appointment on Saturday with him. I'm planning my "speech" as we speak...I just don't want to lose touch with him but if I do then I guess that's the way it will be. I"m excited though to be switching over...

 

[ThatLady]

I'm glad you've found a therapist who really suits you, BG. Hopefully, you will be able to maintain your friendship with your previous therapist. If you can, that will be great. If you can't, what you'll gain from having a therapist who can, and will, really help you will be more than worth the sacrifice, I'll bet.

 

[Into The Light]

i am glad you've managed to get some time with him bg. let us know how it turns out. also congratulations on finding a new therapist whom you've really clicked with, always good to hear when people find such a good match.

 

[Halo]

BG

I am glad that you got an appt. this Saturday with him and that you will be able to have the theraputic closure that you want with him and hopefully be able to continue a friendship with him in the way that you want. I am also glad that you have found a new therapist which is helping you along the path that you so need.

Good Job and Good Luck :goodjob:

Let us know how it turns out and I will be thinking of you on Saturday

Take care

 

[Banned]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your input thus far. Tomorrow is the big day and I will let you know how it goes. I think I've discovered a different angle to present it so it's a bit more positive, and hopefully not closing off the future.

Anyway, I will keep you posted for sure!! Thanks for your help.

 

[Halo]

Again as I have already said, good luck tomorrow and I know that everything will work out for you as you have planned. If you need talk afterwards you know how to get a hold of me

Good luck and my thoughts will be with you.

 

[Halo]

Hey BG

I just thought that I would check in with you and see how your appt. today went with your therapist and whether you got the closure that you were hoping for?

Hope to hear from you soon.
:hug:

 

[Banned]

Hi Nancy,

He cancelled on me, so we've rescheduled for today. I think it's fate....

 

[Halo]

My first thought was well at least he gave you the option of another date and not just a cancellation with no other appt....now that would have been crappy.

I wish you the best of luck. Take care and let us/me know how it turns out
:hug: :hug:

 

[Banned]

So - it's done. It was pretty uneventful. I mean, what was he supposed to say - that I can't?! He said if/when I want to go back let him know, he's happy I'm doing this if it will help me more and that if I was leaving him to go to some quack the conversation would be very different :dimples: .

We talked a bit about the last year and a half, the ups and downs, and overall experience...typical "terminating" stuff, although I told him he's not allowed to use that word . And I told him it was a really hard decision to make - he said he could tell - so it wasn't a bad experience....and it's done.

I see my new one tomorrow. She had said that even if I decided to stay with him that she wanted to see me for the first few weeks he was back anyway...to make sure I'd be ok going back. But I'm excited - she's great and I think we'll work through alot.

 

[Into The Light]

bg i am very happy for you you got to see him face to face! it was important and definitely would leave me feeling better than just an email i wish you all the best with your new therapist.

 

[Banned]

Thanks BBC.

I almost choked when he thanked me for not being tacky and doing it through email I thought "Oh you have no idea how close I was"...but I didn't say that