Chronic ED

[Ashley-Kate]

hi there everybody ,
well back to reality .. the good news could only last temporarily in my case now we can't expect miracles...i am not doing sooo good to say the truth i think i am falling back into my anorexic patterns and the thing is i have no motivation or will to get out of it sure i write to you guys for your opinion and hopefully someone will say this really interesting thing that may make me come back to "normal" again but i don't really know. i have been spending loads of time at the gym lately burning lots of calories and as much as i don't think anyone could even guess .. lets just say my new routine consist of going to the gym and not leaving until i feel sick i have over did it soo much.. i am eating very little compared to what i was doing a last week i just lost control of the hole doing good thing.. i could not take it i just feel that i don't deserve it. i have been feeling really depressed and i have started a different pattern that consists of cutting myself every time i eat .. i don't have many cuts to because well i am not doing such a good job at nourishing myself but when i do cut i don't miss .. i have one injury that is not healing at all and that probably because i am not eating enough vitamins and stuff but i just don't know what to do i am reaching 18 in like a month or so and that was my deadline the age i said that if i did not get through my eating disorder than i was this way for life .. but the thing is i have been this way for already 7 years i just can't beat the pattern .. is it possible that it has just become chronic and there is no longer anything to do but just try to live with it..
yours truly ashley

 

[Halo]

Re: chronic e-d

Hi AK

First of all I don't think that anyone that has had an e/d for 7 years is going to be expecting miracles from you. You did attempt to make a lot of changes all at once and maybe that is overwhelming and the reason that you feel that you are going backwards. I know that you posted before that there were a lot of things that you were trying based on the suggestions of your nutritionist but maybe it was just too fast too soon. Taking baby steps sometimes works (I know for me it does!) Have you went back to see your nutritionist since your last appt and since you feel that you have started to slip backwards? If not, than maybe it is time to call to tell her what is going on. She may have suggestions of how to slow things down so that you are not feeling overwhelmed and like giving up.

Secondly, I don't think that an e/d is chronic and I truly believe that you will get through this with help. You know that you cannot do it alone and with the help of your nutritionist and us here at the forum, I believe in my heart that you will make it. I truly do believe that.

Now as for the deadline that you set for yourself, I think that you need to look at what methods of help have you tried and how long have you been trying to get help. If you just started (as I know you did with the nutritionist) than maybe the deadline is way too premature. I also don't think that having a deadline is good because I would think to myself what if I gave up on trying and for some reason I was only a week or a month of a year away from beating this and living a happy and healthy life, than I would have given up to early and all because I had a number in my head.

AK, as I said before I truly believe in my heart that you will beat this.
Take care and stay safe.

 

[foghlaim]

Re: chronic e-d

Hi Ashley...

So you have hit one of the bumps in the road to recovery... it's a speed ramp ashley designed to slow you down abit..and to help you think. you've already done the thinking and posting... now it's time to start a new day... only at an easier pace... ask at the gym for some one (a trainer perhaps) to let you know you have been there for an hour or so.. then leave even if you really don't want to.
i agree with Nancy also.. you could make apt to see your doc or nutritionist and make a new plan. Speed ramps are not there to stop you reaching your goal Ashley only to make sure you do it safely!! And you will!!

I had a deadline of 21... and that my friend was a long long time ago.. I learned that deadlines can be changed so i keep changing it... even today i still dothis.. You are not alone Ashley.

don't know if any of this is helpful..

keep posting okay.. You remind me of myself when i was so much younger.. if i can stayhere and it can be hard!!! I really believe you can too!!

nsa

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: chronic e-d

thank you both as for answering to some of the question wel. i have been trying for over 4 years now to escape the patterns of my e-d and to get better in and out of hospitals and clinics for the lst 3 years i never experience the begening of school year because i was in the hospital all the time so i in my opinnion have been trying for a very long time and to say the turht ever since the begening of my e-d i was telling myself that i will stop it is only temporarly but the thing is it is not anymore i spent 2 months of 7 years without eating disorder behaviro those 2 months being in a suppervised clinic..i know that you guys are trying to be optimistic and stuff but does anybody see this hole thing through my perspective like fromt he age if 11 to now at almost 18 my deadline i have been this eating disorder i have functioned only in bettering this behavior.. i never did anything to help others only if it could bring me help.. (most of the time) my personnality is not my own but that of anorexia i don't know who i am how i could be without it and i am not sure anybody else does eigther.
yours trully ashley

 

[ThatLady]

Others have beaten this distressing problem, Ashley, just as you can. With committment to treatment, rapid action on your part when you feel yourself slipping, a helpful support system, and the willingness to do the hard work, you can come out of this as a productive, happy member of society. We just have to use the help at hand on a consistent basis, and fight to maintain hope and initiative. We're here to help you do that.

 

[Diana]

Hey Ashley. I haven't been around in a long time. Sorry. Anyway, sweetie, there is no harm in setting healthy goals for youself. However, you shouldn't set such strict, inflexible deadlines on yourself. Just like we do with our weight, we set these goals, but these goals are only numbers whether they be in pounds, ages, etc. You may well be fighting this past your 18th birthday and that is OK. As long as you are making progress, whether it be with your physical body or your mind or your emotions. You're slipping back, but you ARE recognizing it. And, you keep coming back here which means that you don't want to give up and call it quits after turning 18. I know, in some ways that seems easier, but it won't make you're life easier and I believe you know that.
So, if it's more help you need, then go out and seek that help. As far as I or anyone else here is concerned, you haven't failed. Slipping back happens to everyone to a certain extent. Make others aware of your situation. Whoever you feel comfortable with.
Keep us posted.

 

[just mary]

Hi Ashley-Kate,

Just wanted to add that I agree with what has been said here. I especially liked nsa's idea regarding the gym, letting someone at the gym know that you need to be notified when your hour is up. Maybe just talking to someone in the midst of your workout will trigger something.

And you can beat this Ashley, maybe not by your 18th birthday but soon. Just keep working at it.

Take care.

jm