Coming out of the forest

[BushCap]

So I finally decided to make an introductory post after having this account for a few months.

For most of my life I've been struggling with moderate/severe depression, I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and dyslexia, and as of recently I think I may also have a touch of ADHD and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Ever since I was a little boy all I could ever do was cry, it happened whenever anybody said anything harsh to me, and it continued into my adolescence. As you can guess the crying got worse when people started beating me up, and I got beat up a lot. I eventually turned into a shut in and my grades went down to where they've stayed at a C - B average. I hear voices of people laughing and calling me faggot and gay and retarded all the time, it disturbs my thoughts and its something that's only marginally decreased over the years.

I'm just finishing my first year of university and I've hated it. I've got nothing to show for it except low self-esteem and 14k of debt. I'm not particularly smart when it comes right down to it an the only people in my life that I feel really care about me is my parents and my fiance, and I may have just ruined the engagement for a while...

I feel trapped in my own life, I hardly have an appetite, barely anything interests me anymore and I doubt I could keep focused on it if anything did interest me, I have a hard time staying awake during the day and I have difficulty sleeping some nights. I can't even cry anymore, bad things happen and I just feel like I'm having an out of body experience. Watching some poor wretch sink further into depression.

I'm in the Army and going on a lot of taskings and courses in the next year to pay off my debt so I don't know how often I'll be back on. But since I made the account I thought I might as well give my two cents and see if there's a wishing well around here that could give me some answers...

 

[Retired]

Hello Bushcap and welcome to Psychlinks! Glad you decided to join in. Hopefully you can get some direction prior to your deployment so you can address some of your important issues.

How do you think you may have ruined your engagement?

Have you ever received treatment for the mood disorders you've described....your depression?

Have you ever received counseling to help you learn strategies to live with your Asperger's and dyslexia?

Has the army provided medical assistance, counseling and or therapy for you?

Your feedback should provide some insights into your circumstances for some suggestions to be offered.

 

[forgetmenot]

Just want say hi and i too hope hun you have recieved some councilling before being deployed Hugs

 

[making_art]

Welcome BushCap!

Sorry you had such a difficult childhood with bullies, BushCap. I can only imagine how painful this was for you. I too hope that you are able to get support and therapy to help you cope and deal with all of this.

So glad you joined us and look forward to your participation. There are others who read these forums who have had similar struggles so I hope they will share their experiences with you too.

 

[BushCap]

Thank you all for the warm welcome I really appreciate it.

Well things have been rocky for a while with my fianc?e, I think everything makes us stronger, but sometimes I don't feel like I know anymore. Recently we had some trust issues and because of that neither of us were in a state where we could eat or sleep for a little while. I guess you could say we're getting on the right track again, but idk, it's going to take me a long time to build up both our respect and trust towards me...

I was on an orally given liquid anti-depressant for a little over a year but it didn't cause a noticable change. I'm currently trying to get a prescription for anti-depressants and a light sedative to help me sleep.

I've basically had to deal with aspergers and dyslexia my own way, aspergers has been kinda weird, not really sure if I even have it anymore. I'm definitely socially awkward, but that could come from being a shut in. As for dyslexia, it's a minor problem, just makes things kinda silly when you're looking at a horror movie and wondering why it's called "WAS VI" xD.

The only benefits I really get as a reservist are my pay and pension. Although I have a right to seek counselling from a padre, I'm in the process of getting ahold of the padre at my garrison. Don't know when he's in though.

I have a tasking coming up soon hopefully, then I go for my trade course in the summer. After that; I don't really care so long as I can get things cleared up.

 

[MHealthJo]

Welcome BushCap! Hope you'll continue reading and chatting here and find more relief and answers for yourself...

 

[Retired]

orally given liquid anti-depressant

Was it fluoxetine (Prozac)? Why was it decided that the liquid syrup was more convenient than the usual capsule?

You are correct in seeking treatment for your depression, anxiety and sleep.

Are you and your fianc?e committed to making your relationship work? Is this situation aggravating your stress level?

 

[BushCap]

yes Prozacs! It was on the tip of my tongue, thank you. I don't know why they didn't give me anything else, I had anaemia a few years later but other than that I have no health problems. My file with the mental health clinic was closed shortly after I was given the prescription though, they said they needed to concentrate resources on more severe cases. Yes we are committed, but stress gets to both of us. We don't fight like most couples though, we argue, but usually talk things out. She's still with me, but like I said its going to take a long time for her to completely trust me again. I should add that I was able to get one session in with my universities therapist before I dropped to being a part time student, and she said it sounds very likely that I have some kind of disorder thats seriously affecting me. I don't remember specifically all she said, but she made me fill out some sheets and when she tallied up the results it said I qualified as a severe case for a counsellor, and there was something else about levels of depression.

 

[rdw]

Welcome to Psychlinks!

 

[Retired]

We don't fight like most couples though, we argue, but usually talk things out

People in stable and loving relationships disagree, but should not fight as that usually damages the relationship.

If you are both committed to succeed, in view of the issues that appear to exist, particularly with trust, you might consider couples counseling with a professional who can help you resolve your issues.

Trust in a marriage is crucial, and if there is lingering mistrust, it would be better to postpone any marriage plans until trust is restored.