Coping with life

[Carrie]

I can't seem to cope with life anymore.

My mum used to hit me as a child but as I got older she stopped but the namecalling never stopped. She curses at me and calls me stupid and an idiot, things like that. I know I should shrug them off because she is just acting like a bully but it still makes me cry.

At school things were okay until my friends thought I was too boring to hang around with and I became pretty much a loner. Usually I can cope in school but in one of the last few weeks of school, some kids were laughing at me in class and I got angry. That made them laugh more. So the next class I pretended to have a headache and went to the bathrooms to cry.

The teachers caught up with me though and thought I was being bullied. But I didn't tell them anything.

I started cutting myself over the summer, and it's something I'm very ashamed of. At the time when I'm emotional, it seems like it will make things better, but afterwards I feel worse. And it's not just because of the pain, it's because I feel dirty inside.

I've always had low self esteem and the first time I really talked to my mum about problems with making friends she told me I was a bundle of nerves the whole time, that I'm too shy and quiet which is what I guess is the problem.

Sorry for the long and rambling post if you took the time to read it, but what I'm trying to say is I'm worried about starting to cry over all the little things that seem to hurt me so much? It has started to effect me in public places when I'm on my own and I'm nervous enough as it is without that.

 

[Carrie]

I can't seem to cope with life anymore.

My mum used to hit me as a child but as I got older she stopped but the namecalling never stopped. She curses at me and calls me stupid and an idiot, things like that. I know I should shrug them off because she is just acting like a bully but it still makes me cry.

At school things were okay until my friends thought I was too boring to hang around with and I became pretty much a loner. Usually I can cope in school but in one of the last few weeks of school, some kids were laughing at me in class and I got angry. That made them laugh more. So the next class I pretended to have a headache and went to the bathrooms to cry.

The teachers caught up with me though and thought I was being bullied. But I didn't tell them anything.

I started cutting myself over the summer, and it's something I'm very ashamed of. At the time when I'm emotional, it seems like it will make things better, but afterwards I feel worse. And it's not just because of the pain, it's because I feel dirty inside.

I've always had low self esteem and the first time I really talked to my mum about problems with making friends she told me I was a bundle of nerves the whole time, that I'm too shy and quiet which is what I guess is the problem.

Sorry for the long and rambling post if you took the time to read it, but what I'm trying to say is I'm worried about starting to cry over all the little things that seem to hurt me so much? It has started to effect me in public places when I'm on my own and I'm nervous enough as it is without that.

 

[ThatLady]

An emotional attack can be just as painful as a physical attack, just in a different way. The results of continued emotional attacks can be just as devastating as continued physical attacks. The way your mother is treating you amounts to abuse.

You didn't say how old you are, or what grade in school you're attending. (Edited after I read you're 15 in your Intro post.) Kids can be notoriously cruel to one another, and tend to pick on those whose emotions are close to the surface, and who have low self-esteem. This happens a lot in your age group. Those who are picking on you have no more self-esteem than you have. They just show it in a different way...by endeavoring to bring others down to the level at which they see themselves to be.

It's harder than it sounds, I'll admit; however, what will help is to realize that you're just as good as anyone else. Nobody is "better" than someone else. So, in reality, the cruel things these kids say and do to you have no meaning other than that which you give them yourself. If you'll think about it, they're simply not true. So you're shy and quiet. Lots of people are shy and quiet. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. It just means they're shy and quiet. I'm an introvert myself, and I'm certainly not ashamed of it. It's who I am. I've learned to like me. It took some effort, but it's been well worth it. I think, with a bit of effort and, possibly, some therapy you can learn to like who you are, as well, hon. Then, when others say hurtful things, you can just smile at them and give them the pity they deserve. They're only trying to make up for what they see as their own shortcomings.

 

[ThatLady]

An emotional attack can be just as painful as a physical attack, just in a different way. The results of continued emotional attacks can be just as devastating as continued physical attacks. The way your mother is treating you amounts to abuse.

You didn't say how old you are, or what grade in school you're attending. (Edited after I read you're 15 in your Intro post.) Kids can be notoriously cruel to one another, and tend to pick on those whose emotions are close to the surface, and who have low self-esteem. This happens a lot in your age group. Those who are picking on you have no more self-esteem than you have. They just show it in a different way...by endeavoring to bring others down to the level at which they see themselves to be.

It's harder than it sounds, I'll admit; however, what will help is to realize that you're just as good as anyone else. Nobody is "better" than someone else. So, in reality, the cruel things these kids say and do to you have no meaning other than that which you give them yourself. If you'll think about it, they're simply not true. So you're shy and quiet. Lots of people are shy and quiet. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. It just means they're shy and quiet. I'm an introvert myself, and I'm certainly not ashamed of it. It's who I am. I've learned to like me. It took some effort, but it's been well worth it. I think, with a bit of effort and, possibly, some therapy you can learn to like who you are, as well, hon. Then, when others say hurtful things, you can just smile at them and give them the pity they deserve. They're only trying to make up for what they see as their own shortcomings.

 

[just mary]

Hi Carrie,

ThatLady has made some very good points. And just to let you know I'm quiet and shy too, and it's not a problem, it's who I am. And you are coping with life, you wrote to this forum and asked for help which is a great start. Every journey starts with one small step...

Take care.

 

[just mary]

Hi Carrie,

ThatLady has made some very good points. And just to let you know I'm quiet and shy too, and it's not a problem, it's who I am. And you are coping with life, you wrote to this forum and asked for help which is a great start. Every journey starts with one small step...

Take care.

 

[Carrie]

I know I probably need therapy, but like I said, I don't get on with my mum. I don't talk to her ever, about anything and I know she will tell me I don't need it. She just doesn't understand and I can't tell her that she's one of the main problems. I'm starting to become very like her in ways and I think she needs help too and she came close once to getting help, but decided that it was nothing and has never talked about it since.

 

[Carrie]

I know I probably need therapy, but like I said, I don't get on with my mum. I don't talk to her ever, about anything and I know she will tell me I don't need it. She just doesn't understand and I can't tell her that she's one of the main problems. I'm starting to become very like her in ways and I think she needs help too and she came close once to getting help, but decided that it was nothing and has never talked about it since.

 

[ThatLady]

There may be counselling available through your school, hon. It's something to check into.

 

[ThatLady]

There may be counselling available through your school, hon. It's something to check into.

 

[Heather]

I think that Therapy somehow is a good idea especially being as young as you are, at least look into it as a possibility. I had a mother who was always putting me down and I felt so crap that all I wanted to do was hide and cry but I didn't seek any help for it until I got to being an adult (I am 23 now) and I couldn't cope anymore, I wish I had done something when I was younger.

I hope what I am about to write is appropriate to put on here but I have been physically and emotionally abused by my mum (and other ways by others) and yet out of physical and emotional abuse the emotional hurt and effected me more because it got into my head more and faster and I started to believe what they were saying I failed school so I must have been useless. But you know what after that I found another way to get into university and I am passing it and am almost finished my degree I know I am not fantastic but is that being useless?

Thinking of you, Heather...

 

[Heather]

I think that Therapy somehow is a good idea especially being as young as you are, at least look into it as a possibility. I had a mother who was always putting me down and I felt so crap that all I wanted to do was hide and cry but I didn't seek any help for it until I got to being an adult (I am 23 now) and I couldn't cope anymore, I wish I had done something when I was younger.

I hope what I am about to write is appropriate to put on here but I have been physically and emotionally abused by my mum (and other ways by others) and yet out of physical and emotional abuse the emotional hurt and effected me more because it got into my head more and faster and I started to believe what they were saying I failed school so I must have been useless. But you know what after that I found another way to get into university and I am passing it and am almost finished my degree I know I am not fantastic but is that being useless?

Thinking of you, Heather...

 

[Carrie]

I don't think my school has a guidance counselor. A girl I knew who said she had problems just talked to different teachers about it.

 

[Carrie]

I don't think my school has a guidance counselor. A girl I knew who said she had problems just talked to different teachers about it.

 

[Heather]

Do you feel that you can approach one of your teachers and ask them for help?, maybe they may know where to go.

Heather...

 

[Heather]

Do you feel that you can approach one of your teachers and ask them for help?, maybe they may know where to go.

Heather...

 

[ThatLady]

You might ask your friend which of the teachers she felt was most helpful to her and ask to speak with that person (or those particular teachers).

 

[ThatLady]

You might ask your friend which of the teachers she felt was most helpful to her and ask to speak with that person (or those particular teachers).