Could he be schizophrenic?

[Starbaby]

I have been dating a man for four years, and we have lived consistently
together for the last year. I always just thought he was a little
eccentric, but a friend of mine today suggested he may be
schizophrenic. Could anyone help me if I post a list of his personality
traits?

First off, when we met, and still today, I found his house to be
a total dump -- it wasn't just not kept up like paint, carpet, so forth --
you couldn't find a place to sit down and boy, the smell -- cats, you
know. His front yard consisted of old cars that didn't run in the drive
and monkey grass for his yard where sod should be. He never has
showed much interest in "fixing" the place up until I started talking to
him about how he was losing money on his investment.

He writes notes on yellow pads constantly and makes drawings,
encourages me to do the same -- claims that he is an engineer since he
graduated with a civil engineering degree but never worked a day in his
life as an engineer.

He bathes about every day or two, and all he really is interested in is
working out every day at the gym and spending hours on end reading
blogs on the internet. He is very controlling of me, although he thinks I
am controlling, and he believes that even the most benign things are
some sort of conspiracy.

He was a jet pilot in the Air Force for 10 years, having graduated from
the USAF Academy, but got out because he couldn't stand authority
and still can't handle authority today. He came from a fairly well-to-
do family, so after the air force, he took off for about FIVE years and did
nothing but read in the library all day! He has been tutoring college
kids in chemistry, calculus and physics for the last ten years. He has a
very high IQ, knows everything about everything - literally! He has
lots of pie-in-the-sky schemes, some are great ideas, but he never
follows through. He has been working on a rapid transit invention for
15 years and has done nothing to implement it, but still works on it
occasionally, and grinches at me if I bother him while he is "working."

He has absolutely NO motivation to do anything around our house, his
house, or in getting a job, or getting one of his grand ideas off the
ground.
He is very anti-social, thinks my friends are boring, although he is
always nice to them. And several times I have seen him speak
inappropriately to some people that he barely knew by arguing his
point so loudly and wouldn't let anybody else speak up -- he was very
rude!

He forgets things I tell him constantly, forgets where he puts things,
doesn't even know from day to day what time his tutoring appts. are.
His van is in the same shape as his house. And he does nothing around
our new house unless I suggest it. I go to work in the morning and he's
blogging when I leave, and he's still in the same chair when I get home
in the evening. I wonder sometimes if he even comes up for air. He
really feels that he can save the world. He worries about oil reserves
and running out of gas in a few years, says he has cures for cancer and
AIDS if anyone would listen, but doesn't really believe that anyone
would listen to him.

He tells me that his mind is jumping from one topic to the next
constantly, and he doesn't sleep too well at night, even after lots of
exercise.

He has a brutal temper, although it takes quite a bit to provoke him,
but once he's provoked, watch out! We have holes in the wall of the
new house, and last night I got a black eye! We are apart right now,
but in visiting with a friend, she suggested that he's schizophrenic.

Can anybody out there relate to any of this? And can anyone help me?
I know if I mention this to him, he will turn it back around on me.

Thanks for your reply!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Based on what you described, it really doesn't sound like schizophrenia, although it doesn't sound very healthy either and I agree that I would think he is beyond eccentric. I take it that he's been this way for as long as you've known him - do you know whether he was any different in the past? if so, how long ago did he start to change? do you kn ow anything about any psychiatric history in his extended family?

It could be several things ranging from a personality disorder to a psychotic disorder other than schizophrenia:

1. does he use drugs or alcohol to excess, or has he done so in the past? if so, the symptoms could be attributable to substance abuse
2. does he experience periods of depression or low mood? if so, it could be bipolar disorder or cyclothymic disorder - the irritability, racing thoughts or jumping from one thought to another, limited time sleeping, etc.
3. it might be a personality disorder with paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal features, and/or obsessive-compulsive features (the latter should not be confused with OCD)
4. it could be delusional disorder
5. does he have any known medical conditions, such as hyperthryoidism, or is there a family history of anything along those lines?

I'm not going to attempt to provide you with a diagnosis at a distance - he would need to be seen and evaluated by someone in person, and I suspect this isn't likely to happen, from what you say. But beyond questions of diagnosis, there is another perhaps more important question for you: do you really want to live this way? especially after he has already assaulted you at least once?

 

[Starbaby]

As far as I know, he has been this way for over 20 years -- I would assume it was part of why he quit flying in the AF. He still has great interest in planes, but has not kept up his license, which I find quite odd. He is 57 years old, although he only looks about 45 -- probably from all that exercise and no stress. He lied to me for two years about his age. He has lied also in the past and seemed to feel no remorse when caught.

He is very sweet to me, believe it or not, and has helped me in many ways. I don't mean to make him sound like an oger.

As far as family history, he has a younger sister (there are 4 children) who is a coke addict and VERY aggressive and very abrasive. She is so aggressive that her own teenage children don't want to be around her. They are from a family with both a VERY controlling father and mother -- the father has sensed passed away.

He has used alcohol, couple of drinks most every night, but only a few times to excess, in which a couple of those times, he became VERY angry and one time embarrassed me in public with loud talking and shouting, etc. He has also told me of marijuana use in the past - I would think like 30 years ago or so.

He seems to never be depressed. He is usually pretty upbeat except for the withdrawn loner type symptoms. He would prefer to never leave the house, I do believe. But I can't remember a time that he was "down in the dumps". Now he will get angry at himself if he can't find something or makes a mistake on a project, etc., but I even found it weird that NONE of the immediate family shed a tear when the father died.

I don't know of any hyperthyroidism in his family. The only mental illness, I believe, would be found in the sister. The father died of CHF. The mother is alive at 82, some dementia, but still has a social calendar busier than mine. She just went on a cruise to Tahiti a few months back.

I understand that there is no way to diagnose him online, that many tests would need to be run. I don't think there's any way that I could even mention that I thought he needed help. He thinks I need help, and maybe I do -- don't we all just a little bit?

As far as continuing to live with him, he is gone temporarily after last night, and I am going to take a few days to try and sort things out. I know I don't want to live in fear of when the next surprise lashing out will be. Maybe that will be an invitation for him to seek some professional help.

I do appreciate your quick response. If you have any other ideas, please let me know. I will try and let you know of my decision. Then we can talk about MY mother.

Starbaby

 

[David Baxter PhD]

He is very sweet to me, believe it or not, and has helped me in many ways. I don't mean to make him sound like an ogre.

Being "ill" doesn't make him an ogre but it does make it necessary for you to protect yourself and to think about where you want to draw the line and set limits.

I don't think there's any way that I could even mention that I thought he needed help. He thinks I need help, and maybe I do -- don't we all just a little bit?

) perhaps...

As far as continuing to live with him, he is gone temporarily after last night, and I am going to take a few days to try and sort things out. I know I don't want to live in fear of when the next surprise lashing out will be. Maybe that will be an invitation for him to seek some professional help.

If you can bring yourself to present it to him in that way - that you can't continue to live with fear and uncertainty - and make it a condition of reconciliation, that might work.