Crossing the Line

[Misha]

Today was a bad day. I cried talking to two nurses. I cried talking to my dietician. So I thought I'd go talk to the doctor who runs the eating disorder program. He ought to make things better, right?
We argued back and forth about how I'm slipping, how I don't want to be in the program. He was frustrated with me, I knew, kept on telling me I just had to be there longer....just had to be patient.

Misha: "I don't want to be patient"
Doctor: "You need to be patient. You need to be healthy" (getting fed up)
Misha: "****, Doc, I don't have more time. I want to be out of here and skinny."
Doctor: (fed up with my "attitude") "oh, why don't they just shoot you..."

At which point I decided he must have crossed some sort of line and stormed out of his office. It was an insensitive thing to say. It was inappropriate. He knew I did not need to hear those words come out of his mouth. He has a wry sense of humor, so I let him get away with calling me scum of the earth when I purge into the blankets on the unit, and stuff like that.... but to call someone who tries to kill herself every few weeks that she ought to be taken out and shot.... that's low. I was chased (of course) by a nurse, and subsequently the doctor as well, because it was supper time and I'm not allowed to skip, so I didn't get away without talking to him again.... when I did, he said "I don't believe you have stooped this low as to try to go all borderline on me and run out of my office to go and overdose...," which hadn't even occurred to me until then.

Needless to say I am angry with my doctor and not looking forward to going in tomorrow.

 

[Daniel E.]

Yes, the remark was very inappropriate. Needless to say, I would try to focus on the positive. If the nurses seem nice to you, focus on the nurses and not on the doctor. Anyway, I would assume that the more you stick with the program, the sooner you will be out of there.

(If the doctor wanted to defend himself, he may say that what he meant by his wry remark was that if you don't stick with the program, you are putting yourself at grave risk.)

 

[Misha]

Yes, the remark was very inappropriate. Needless to say, I would try to focus on the positive. If the nurses seem nice to you, focus on the nurses and not on the doctor. Anyway, I would assume that the more you stick with the program, the sooner you will be out of there.

(If the doctor wanted to defend himself, he may say that what he meant by his wry remark was that if you don't stick with the program, you are putting yourself at grave risk.)

It's hard not to focus on the doctor... and "soon" is hard to take when it's already been half a year.

He wasn't referring to the risk of leaving the program... he was ticked off at me for arguing and was trying to illustrate my uselessness by saying I should be shot. Trust me.

 

[Daniel E.]

Hmmm..... My impression is that it's hard to get into another program, right?
Do you see a therapist as well? If so, does the therapist help you with compliance? Could the therapist talk to the doctor?

Have you considered filing a complaint?

 

[Misha]

There basically is no other program, unless I go to Calgary and after that I'd have to leave the province.... ick.
Um, I have a therapist she is on holidays, I have emailed her about this already.
I am normally a person to stand up for myself and advocate my rights so on and so forth, not in a complaints way but in a direct confront the doctor kind of way but I'm just doing so poorly I'm not sure I have it in me. But I don't want to file a complaint "behind his back." He's still my doctor. It just hurt and I'm raw.

 

[ladylore]

hi Misha,

Having your doctor say that to you was inappropriate. You can't be strong all the time, and if you were having a bad day, thats all it was. Only as a suggestion, you may want to chat with him about option programs, day program for instance.

I know myself, I make a terrible patience as it takes control out of my hands and I hate feeling helpless. I know easier to say, but doctors, like therapists are tools in your ongoing recovery. If you can, just tell him, you didn't like the way he spoke to you as you deserve respect, as so does he. The patient thing doesn't work for you so what other resources are there out in the community to assist you. Come up with a game plan.

And I hear you, I have a bit of a rough go of it when my counsellor is on holidays to.

Robyn:2cents:

 

[Misha]

Thanks for your response ladylore....
I am currently in the outpatient program, frustrated with being at the hospital every day. I started inpatient and moved outpatient after a few months. Any less is total discharge from the program. Which both my doctor and I know, right now, would mean relapse, and then I'd just end up inpatient again in a few months. Or worse, end up inpatient for some major overdose or something and have a long hospitalization in general psych.
You are right though that I should just speak to him.
I think what I was looking for here was confirmation that it was inappropriate and suggestions on what to do.... it's looking like just telling him I felt it crossed the line is the only way to go....