Dating Issues

[suewatters1]

I always had feelings for this man I knew from when he worked at the same place I work now.

His life is full with his health issues mostly his broken back and his 3 kids who are grown up and out the door. He has his own business he is trying to expand.

He also helps people like me and other with our Workers Compensation Claims for free. He also is going to class at night 2 night a week for assertiveness.

When I got back into his life last May for help and the way he is now is unbelievable. He changed so much for the better with counseling and stuff.

New Years eve we got intimate and I wasn't expecting that from him this soon even though I was ready for it. We didn't go all the way but I think he wanted to wait to New Years Day as I was making him a meal. Well New Years day he was so tired and burnt out because he over did it. So nothing happen and since then nothing has happen.

I once left his house and he realized my jacket wasn't zipped up high enough he did it for me saying it was cold outside. He said also his plate isn't full it's now a bowl. Which means to me that his life is not as hectic as it once was..

We talk on the phone sometimes work stuff or I just asking him what kind of day he is having. We can talk for a about 1 hour some times but I rather see him face to face since we live only about 5 minute away from each other.

He is the one that let me stay at his place for the night when I needed a safe place to go not to long ago.

We had a talk 1 week ago and I got the impression he is still interested but he want's to fix his health issues which one is of his broken back. But he has had that problem for 10 years.

I feel his bowl just became 2 plate over flowing. He is a shy man so things are not easy for him when it comes to relationships.
Now today I have a Valentine Card for him but not sure if I will be able to go see him to give it to him.

I feel a persons life might be full but having someone in your life makes life feel less full. We do share stuff about each other so when he is having a bad week he can unload on me on the phone and vice versa but I want to see him face to face. I want him to express to me what kind of feelings he has for me so I know where I stand.

PS: He know how to give great message when your back is hurting.

I just don't know what to do next. I might just end up spending Valentines day alone.

Sue
frustrated and upset :sob2:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's hard to know what he's feeling or thinking, of course, but it may simply be that he's trying to go slow... not a bad strategy if you been burned in relationships in the past.

 

[suewatters1]

Yes that makes sense we both got burnt in relationships. But New Years Eve he made the moves which surprise me. I realize if he is not ready to go all the way that is not a problem. We use to in the past talk for about 3 hours about our deepest personal stuff that happened to us in our life time. 2 or 3 hour conversations on the phone was the norm for a while but now that has cooled also.
Also I know he has issues with his kids that he is trying to deal with.

All I need is some time alone with him for maybe no more then an hour a couple times a week and some time on the phone talking.
It doesn't help he broke his only pair of glasses yesterday and he can't get a new pair till Wednesday and he has to do a important report to show some people his business plan Tuesday morning.
So he has a lot on his plate and the timing for him to be in a relationship is all wrong right now.

Thanks for your advice DR. Baxter

Sue

 

[Halo]

Sue,

Although you say that the timing for him to be in a relationship is not ideal, this is the time for you to step forward and offer him some support and a shoulder to lean on. It sounds like he is going through a lot (and not saying you aren't) but he may not be able to have time or be available for the 3 hour phone calls etc.

I would think that if you could support him through this rough patch that a further and better relationship between the two of you will happen.

 

[suewatters1]

Hi Halo I am not expecting the 3 hour calls. Times flies when your having fun that is why it sometimes ends being 3 hours but I would prefer 30 minutes if possible; sometimes not all the time.
Also I am always offering to help him in anyway I can and I tell him that all the time. He discusses all the problems he has with his kids right now and that helps him get it off his chest and I let him talk about whatever he wants and I offer to help him.
He doesn't like receiving help. He is so use to do thing without any help from anybody
He knows he can lean on me anytime. Last year when he was going through a rough time physical and wasn't eating right I brought him some Gatorade, chicken noodle in the box and the instant oatmeal cereal to help him get his strength back.
He knows that he just has to call me and I would be right there for him.

Thanks for your advice

Sue

 

[Halo]

Sue,

Based on your post it sounds like you are doing everything that a friend would do to help him out. I understand that you would probably like more from him right now but I am just hoping that you can see that he may not be able to give it. You are a good friend to him by helping him through his rough time and I am confident that the two of you will get through this....it is just to weather the storm for now.

Take care