More threads by newyorker



My name is Michael and it is the 1st time I am posting here. I have googled my question and unfortunately I can't find an answer.

I have been battling depression forever. I am 36 years old and I just cannot deal with life much longer. I was diagnosed with chronic depression around 10 years ago and the only thing that I was given was some Zoloft or something like that!!. Maybe I should have been a doctor, you know....

On the outside, I live a rather normal life. I have a good paying job and a nice place to live. I also look physically fit and I am not a bad looking person. But that's where it ends. I have started having suicidal thoughts so .......

Here is my question. There is something that I simply cannot figure out or understand or find an answer for. I day dream quite a lot and they are mostly about women. They got similar story lines: I meet a beautiful woman, we are friendly, I want to say how much I like her but then one day something comes up that is not my fault and she stops talking to me!!. So in each and every one of these I am waiting for the girl to apologize or I go and apologize to her. Once when I was a kid, I read a book and it mentioned the name of this illness/sickness or whatever this thing is that has gone hand in hand with depression and screwing up my life. This apologetic behavior in day dreams had a name and I thought maybe you know.

Can anyone tell me what this is? does it have a name? is it an illness? Your help is appreciated.

-= Michael from NY =-
Re: Any insightful help is appreciated

I just wanted to say welcome to Psychlinks. :) :) I don't have any answers for your questions, but I hope you can find some soon.


Re: Any insightful help is appreciated


Welcome to Psychlinks; we're glad you found us.

I don't have the training to interpret your daydreaming, but I would be interested in knowing what are you doing to treat your depression?

You mention being prescribed Zoloft 10 years ago; are you still taking medication and/or are you seeing someone in connection with your depression?

The illness of depression is a treatable disorder and no one should have to compromise their quality of life for the illness.

There are treatment strategies that sometimes take time, and patience and some work on your part. There is no magic bullet treatment for this illness, and the treatment has to be tailored to the chemical imbalance within each person's brain chemistry.

This can take time until your doctor finds just the right combination for you, and once that is achieved, the chances of having more good days than bad days are greatley improved, given today's treatment technologies.

We'll be looking forward to getting to know you better.

Daniel E.
Re: Any insightful help is appreciated

As you probably already know, the most clinically proven treatment for depression is therapy + meds + exercise. Anything less is often due to a sense of withdrawal and hopelessness, which is also a symptom of depression. Therapy, especially, can also help prevent relapses down the road.

newyorker said:
I meet a beautiful woman, we are friendly, I want to say how much I like her but then...

As a layman, everything I read after that statement seemed to be related to the very common fear of rejection. In evolutionary terms, rejection from one's tribe could mean death by starvation. So it's very possible that the apologizing behavior is just one manifestation of the fear of rejection.


Re: Any insightful help is appreciated

Source: Medline

Imagery as an aid in reducing depression.
Jarvinen PJ, Gold SR.

Hypothesized that encouraging depressed subjects to attend to nondepressive daydreams could reduce their level of depression.

Subjects were selected on the basis of their scores on the Beck Depression Inventory from a pool of 350 Subjects administered the Inventory. Subjects were assigned to one of four groups: A no treatment control group, neutral daydreams, positive daydreams, and daydreams developed by the individual and the E. Each Subject in the treatment groups met with the E once a week for 3 weeks. Subjects were instructed to practice each daydream at least twice daily. All measures were readministered the week following the last session. The change toward decreased depression was significant (p less than .01) for the three treatment groups, and the control group was not significant (p greater than .01). Level of depression can be decreased by diverting depressed Ss' attention from depressed themes to alternative daydreams.

PMID: 7263879 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]


Can this be interpreted that a person's depression can be improved by thinking positive thoughts? and by extension ruminating in negative thinking in daydreams might exacerbate the depression?


Hi All

Thank you so much for your help. Here are some answers to your questions:

I have been doing virtually nothing to treat my depression since I took Zoloft around 1995/1996. I know it sounds stupid and everything but I guess I am used to the fact that days come and days go. The things that has been carrying me all along are A: Believing in god/going to the Temple (suicide is wrong...) and B: The fact that I cannot see myself leaving my parents to all the heartache. One thing that I have stopped doing is going to the Temple every Saturday because I see it as rather fruitless as I don't even say two words. I just don't want to see the other shoe drop.......

I am under so much pressure by family/relatives/co-workers to get married and here I am never taking a chance on a girl and being sooooooo afraid of rejection.

What stopped me from going back to the doctor was the fact that he gave me Zoloft and Adios amigos!!!!

I thank you all for your help and your suggestions are quite appreciated.
if you get proper treatment for your depression, life will get better and you will gain confidence. treatment includes medication, therapy and some lifestyle changes (exercise, socializing, taking time for yourself to recharge). therapy can also help you with your fear of rejection and in time you would be able to ask women out. getting well takes some work but it is definitely possible. you just have to keep trying, so go back to your doctor again and find a therapist. the forum on therapy and therapists has a lot of good information as well.


Hi Michael and welcome to the forum...
When I first read your post, I thought maybe you suffered from lack of good self esteem, but hey, I am not a Dr..
I suffer from depression too and took Zoloft for many years , and it really did help me. I had a chemical imbalance and this corrected it. I am no longer taking zoloft and still struggle with depression, but I found other ways to deal with it than relying on an antidepressant. Dont get me wrong, I NEEDED the pill then, but I am managed ok now without it.

I dont really know if there is a diagnosis for what you are describing, but I believe EVERYONE is afraid of rejection. Trust me, the girl is just as scared as you are. My Dr told me to "ACT AS IF" things were going well, and it will be a self fullfulling prophecy!
Good luck to you Michael.
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