Definition of DID

[NightOwl]

I'm pretty certain I don't have DID, but maybe someone could enlighten me. Since I was attacked, I have purposefully split my personality to some degree. In my waking hours I walk around as the business woman, being totally capable; the me that was hurt walks along beside me and sometimes I'll turn round and mentally tell the me that was hurt that I'm here and totally capable. That helps me ground and cope.

I'm in no doubt as to who I am. I am the capable business woman and also the one that was hurt. My main trouble is panicking when it is time to go to sleep because I feel that I don't have any control over the two of me coming together and the nightmares begin, and so I work as long as I possibly can. I don't feel sleeping pills are the answer and I won't take them.

The flashbacks I have are few and far between and I know I'm awake and I've learned to ground myself by sitting on the floor and looking all around me.

As I've experienced this type of trauma, I am hoping to use this within my studies.

NightOwl

 

[braveheart]

My experience is that splitting doesn't necessarily mean DID. I have 2 me's. Splitting is a way to cope with extreme pain. Birth and attachment trauma, emotional abuse and long term severe bullying did it for me. Mostly my anger and self-destructive states are split from my adult compassionate articulate self. The Other Me doesn't have a full voice, because it was taken away from her. But adult me definitely has a voice. I don't have DID, although under stress it can definitely seem/feel like that. But, I am always conscious of my different parts/states, even if I can't immediately intervene in their distorted vision of the world based on the past. I tend towards Complex PTSD [PTSD with some borderline-ness thrown in, it comes from multiple traumas].

From what you're saying, I sense that you cannot yet believe the capable business woman was able to be hurt the way she was. Its possible that this is protecting you from the full impact of the trauma.

Forgive me if I'm not explaining myself or things very well.

 

[NightOwl]

Thanks very much for your reply. You have explained yourself very well. Yes, your description of being a capable business woman is very accurate. I find I can't fall to pieces in front of people, it's just not expected. I also feel very embarrassed that I ignored very obvious warning signs. It's just so unlike me but I was in a situation that made it very difficult, I employed him and found myself keeping on dismissing the obvious. Now I have to live with the consequences and my only way of getting through this is my determination to get him put behind bars.

NightOwl