Depressed On The Holidays

[zeborah]

Every year is the same. The holidays come so quickly and it's an important reminder of how alone I really am. I hate Christmas. First of all where we do we as a society get off telling our children that there is a Santa Claus that will bring you toys if your good, but if your bad, he'll bring you coal? Well I guess that means that all of the children who are in poverty and don't get that yearly visit from Good ol' St. Nick are just bad little children. And that my friends is the main reason that I hate Christmas. I for one cannot buy my children the things that their father can buy them and every year my good old Christian ex husband and his family remind my children of how terrible I am because I can't keep up with the Jones'. Well, that's fine. My daughter has already asked me if I bought her Christmas presents yet and not to forget that it's her birthday soon. She and my son are going to be 13 and 14 this December and I think it's high time that I let them know that not everyone has the means to keep up with the demand of spending, spending, spending. They need to understand that I am a woman who is not even getting by financially. They need to understand that I don't waste my money, I don't even buy myself underwear for God's sake! They need to understand that as selfish as their father thinks I am because of this, my education is extremely important. I'm not saying that after I receive my degree that I want to be rich, I just want to get by and I want that pride that I am an educated woman who is using the brain that God gave me. But there again, I have to fight against the Christians, because they tell my children that I am a sinner because God does not approve of people who are educated. They quote something out of Proverbs that says the wise are foolosh. Well, that's it. One more year to dissapoint my children. What are you gomna' do? Nothing to do, just do the best you can!

 

[ThatLady]

The holidays often bring on depression, especially for those who feel alone, or those who are facing stressful situations. The holidays only add to that stress. It's rather a vicious circle.

Your children are old enough to understand the reality of your situation. They're old enough to understand that education is as important to you as it is, and will be, to them. They're old enough to understand that you're unable to provide luxuries at this point in your life, but that you're working toward a better future for yourself, and for them. No matter what bad things others might say, your children are old enough to understand the truth of your committment to yourself, and to them. You are giving them a very valuable gift, hon. You're giving them the opportunity to learn that hard work, dedication, and an eye to the future is the best way to become an independent, healthy, happy individual. Just keep showing them that gift. They'll make good use of it when it comes their turn.

 

[Eunoia]

I agree, I think that both of your children are at an age where they can understand that they won't get everything that they want. It's better to tell them the truth then try covering this up, b/c if you have nothing to be ashmaded (and even though you may have been told you have, but you don't) then why not be honest w/ them, right? Christmas is stressful for everyone, but one of the factors is definitely the $ issues, which I always find very ironic considering that Christmas in itself is not about being the richest person in monetary value or giving expensive presents away, and now a days it is so commercialized. Honestly though, the best Christmasses I can remember were the good times spend w/ family, and things like decorating the tree and baking cookies- not each and every single present I ever received. And as ThatLady said, having an education and showing your kids that hard work pays off one way or the other, will install in them a great work ethic and appreciation for you, and for what they do have.

I know so many people who do have rich enough parents to buy them whatever they desire- but that doesn't mean these are the happiest families in the world, by no means actually. Also, are the some kind of programs in your community where families are helped out w/ buying Christmas presents etc.? depending on how "bad" your situation is, but there are programs like these... anyways, try not to let this get to you too much, but do consider being open about this w/ your kids.... you're living your life and taking care of your children, and your ex-husband and his family are living their lives and it's easy for them to talk.... but if they measure success and happiness w/ $ then they're the ones lacking here!!!

 

[zeborah]

Thanks for the replies. You are saying exactly what I know. Thisa whole holiday thing just gets to me. I did talk to my kids and they do seem to understand. They are good children and I'm blessed to have them. I think that this year I'm going to contact a friend of mine and volunteer with my children to distribute the toys for Toys For Tots. I seen that operation first hand a couple of years ago and it truly was inspiring. I think that my children will learn a lot from an experience like that.

 

[ThatLady]

The Toys for Tots idea is a great one, zeborah! To give is so much more satisfying than to receive. I'm sure your kids will feel the same.

 

[Eunoia]

I think that this year I'm going to contact a friend of mine and volunteer with my children to distribute the toys for Toys For Tots

that's so good that you're doing this with your children. I think they will take a lot from it. Anyone would really, but it will give them a much better understanding of their own situation too along w/ everyone else's.

 

[Diana]

What a nice family activity! And, inspiring. When I was a child we always had many presents on Christmas, but do you know one part of Christmas that sticks out in my memory? Sitting with my father at the kitchen table making out name tags while he wrapped the presents for other people. Children get excited about giving to others - and THAT should really be the true meaning of Christmas. Whether it's giving a present, a Christmas card or just acknowledging others.
Distribute the toys with your children, then go home, drink some hot chocolate and watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Sounds like a nice time to me.