Depressed

[Cat Dancer]

I am struggling with bad depression right now. I am trying to keep myself busy when I'm not holding the little one, but I just feel like what I do in life doesn't matter and it isn't making a difference to anyone. I am sad that I didn't do with my life what I wanted to do. I can't go back and I feel like I can't go forward. I am not suicidal though, just really, really hurt and sad and depressed. I wish I could be on medication right now, but I can't and I know that is making a big difference.

How does one come to terms with a wasted life and try to make a new life?

 

[Jazzey]

I'm so sorry you're going through that CD. But your life does matter, to many of us. :hug::hug: Are you still having therapy sessions? When is your next one?

And by the way, feeling that you haven't accomplished anything in your life - that's just your depression talking CD. I can name at least a couple of beautiful things that you've done very right. And how do you deal with it? - you keep moving forward, you don't look back. We've all made mistakes in our lives. But you learn from them and you try not to repeat them again. And you just keep moving forward as best you can and enjoy even the smallest joys - the smile on your child's face, the smell of baking bread, seeing a couple that's really in love, etc...you focus on all those little beauties...

 

[Into The Light]

i am sorry you are feeling like this right now. that sounds so painful and hard to have those kinds of thoughts and feelings. there are things you have lost and they need to be grieved :hug: i also want to leave you with the thought that it's never too late to change your life for the better. you won't be able to undo the past and that is a huge loss and very sad, but you can still change your future. your future doesn't have to be a continuance of your past.

:hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

I am sending you some support to CD know it is hard somedays and glad you can reach out here for that extra help. When feeling really low just look at your little ones and know their love is there unconditionally This will help you through rough patches Hope you feel better soon. :cat3::hug:

 

[Andy]

Cat Dancer,

This I can relate immensely.

I do know that taking care of a child is one of the hardest jobs if not the hardest job there is. In my opinion that is hardly a wasted life and it does matter and makes a huge difference to that little one. I look up to people who are able to raise children, and I am not just saying that to try to make you feel better.

Is there anyway you can maybe do a little bit of something towards what you wanted to do? Slowly work at it? Even if it's not the full thing for now, you could at least enjoy doing some of it. It's never to late. I saw a story about a senior on the news a while ago who was receiving a diploma at 82 (or somewhere near there).

Anyway, I hope your depression lifts a little more each day so that you are able to see the light. Not that light! The light bulb light, where you can see just how important your life has been,is, and will be. :support:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Even if it were true that you had accomplished nothing (and I echo what other have said above - that simply isn't true), you're far too young to be talking about a "wasted life". You still have most of your life ahead of you. If you're unhappy with the life you've had until now, there is plenty of time to change it.

 

[coatbridge]

How does one come to terms with a wasted life and try to make a new life?

I am sorry for your struggle and do hope you are feeling a little better. I too have felt like this so many times. Depression clouds our thoughts to a point we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and there is one. I can say this now having thought last year I wouldn't see this summer that I would end up taking my own life or end up in a psych ward. But I am still here attending school and in the process of looking for a work placement in my field of accounting, a place I never thought I would be.

There is hope, try to think about this when you are tempted to dwell on the past. You cannot change the past but you do have choices for a better now, even if it's only one minute at a time. I know it's not easy, the tendency to dwell on things that should have or could have been lures us into the downward spiral.

I was listening to a motivational speaker recently and what he said really hit home with me, as I'm so good at ruminating. He said "Don’t allow those negative images, pictures, thoughts to play on your mind. You have the remote control – change the channel.

One of my social workers (I did have quite a few) said that I simply lack some essential skills which can be learned.

Take care
:wave4:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I am trying so hard to be ok. I felt a little better for a couple of days, but today I feel so hopeless. It is such an awful feeling. It's like I can't breathe almost. I will hang on. I will keep going. I will, but it is so hard sometimes. I don't understand the fact that I can feel better and then so much worse.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

CD, do you have an anticipated time frame for resuming medications yet?

 

[forgetmenot]

I am sorry you are not feeling the best today CD and hope these feeling go away soon. It is hard i know when you want to feel better but just can't some times. I hope distractions can help you keep your mind busy. Call your doctor as well anyone just to talk and maybe help you cope. take care i wish i could be more supportive just not good place so i understand where you are at Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Cat Dancer]

No, I don't. I've been trying to implement a little exercise into my life and I'm hoping that will help. I do need the medications though. I am also not self-harming or letting myself think about suicide (much) so I think the therapy is helping. It just seems like sometimes it's unbearable. I miss the Klonopin. I'm at a point of being totally ok with taking meds and I can't take them. mg:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am also not self-harming or letting myself think about suicide (much) so I think the therapy is helping.

It's definitely working. Try to remind yourself of this at times when you feel low, CD. This is a clear measure of progress and hope, and you should be proud of having accomplished this, especially in the absence of any medications.

 

[Jazzey]

CD, I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I understand it, I just wish that you weren't. :hug::hug:

Can you think of anything special that you can do for yourself right now? Something that you would really enjoy? When I'm struggling, I usually try and find that one thing that I would normally enjoy and force myself to do it....

:support:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thanks everyone.

Jazzey, that's a good idea. I am really wanting to get out somewhere today. I don't know where, lol, but somewhere. Maybe just the dollar store? If I can get Abigail to go with me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Maybe just the dollar store? If I can get Abigail to go with me.

Give her a dollar and tell her they have toys.

 

[Banned]

Therapy is definitely working, CD. We all see such growth in you. It's impressive.

You'll always have good days and bad days - that's just part of life. Sometimes I think recovery means never having a bad day again, and that's just not realistic. You can't have meds right now, but definitely stick with therapy...

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks everyone.

Jazzey, that's a good idea. I am really wanting to get out somewhere today. I don't know where, lol, but somewhere. Maybe just the dollar store? If I can get Abigail to go with me.

Woo-hoo!!! Dollar store - go for it CD. Nothing like retail therapy to put a smile on my face. I think this a great idea for both you and Abigail today - go out and enjoy it. :hug:

 

[Into The Light]

sending you lots of hugs cat dancer :hug::hug: i hope you make it out to the store today

 

[unionmary]

Most importantly, you know that you are cyclical,,,,good moods come, bad moods come,,,so accept each one, hell, you know it is gonna change.

Knowing it is temporary makes it easier to ride out the storm. A day by day approach to life is what you gotta adapt to at present. Take each day as she comes.

Baby steps!! Don't look much beyond tomorrow, just deal with what's on your plate.

It is working for me right now, and I sure hope it can work for you.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just feel so defeated. I know it's my thinking that's faulty at this time, but it's so hard to fight and I'm tired. It hurts so much inside. This time of year is too hard.