Depression triggering flashbacks

[forgetmenot]

I don't know if i am making sense but these dam emotions are causing me to spiral downwards and i am so deep i can't seem to pull myself out of this.
The depression seems to be triggering flashbacks so many flashbacks feeling god i need to be able to somehow get control.

I need to have someone shake me tell me to grow up, tell me to stop being so dam stupid and weak.

I use to be able to get mad and the anger would pull me out but finding it so hard now.

To much to really deal with past soon in the future to much really for me to even try to make sense of. Logic was the only thing that help me keep control.

I am losing control because the emotion flashbacks are winning I don't want to understand anymore i just want to be me in control, me strong, me the carer not the one needing care.

Sorry depression,flashbacks, anxiety, seems like everything hitting me at once and i am trying to fight them all but not doing so well. I understand the wanting to run to hide but there is no place to go anymore do you understand. How ironic i am so lost yet know exactly where i am. I am not her anymore but yet oh god it doesn't make any sense the pain is not real it is not so i have to somehow just let it go.

I wish things were different it is what it is i can't do this i just can't. Please don't be angry please if it is not appropriate please just delete it.

 

[Jazzey]

Yes, I do understand the need to run and hide. But maybe what's more important is actually facing the emotions, the pain? Maybe that's what will make us better in the long run?

Just hang in there Violet. You are doing really well for yourself and I've noticed quite a different person immerge from the person who first came here. I know it seems tough, but you are really making progress from where I sit. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

Jazzey i know you understand but i can't do this.
This is not me. I see my doctor on Friday so many times i pick up phone to just cancel but haven't
I will go this time as i need to talk with him about things about to happen. I just feel so weak and i have never let anyone or thing make me feel this way never
I am not her and never will be never.
Jazzey im sorry for your pain and i hope you can stay strong you have showed so much strength and i am glad you came back here for support take care of you okay thanks for your response and your insight.

 

[gardens]

Hi Violet,
I understand the pain. Yet I have no words of comfort for you. Here you are bringing me comfort on my post, and you are in you own world of hurt.

"I need to have someone shake me tell me to grow up, tell me to stop being so dam stupid and weak."

I really understand this one too. Oh Violet, be well. I'm glad I have found people like you to at least share with. I can't fix you, you can't fix me, but we can share pain, so no one has to bare it alone. :grouphug:

Take good care
Gardens.

 

[Domo]

Hi Violet,

I am new here so don't know anything about you but i understand feeling weak and pathetic.

My psychologist said to me one day, the fact that you are here, facing your issues is proof of how notweak you are. It's easy to avoid, hide and deny.

It takes courage and shows your strength for you to come here and say the things you have

 

[Jazzey]

Jazzey i know you understand but i can't do this.

Yes, you can. I play the fatalistic thing quite well myself Violet. In those darker moments, it's really easy for me to believe that I can't do 'this' anymore....Whatever 'this' is (haven't figured that part out yet)...But, the truth of the matter is that I obviously can since I have been doing it for a while and I will likely keep doing this, except hopefully this time the path is towards something better.

This is not me. I see my doctor on Friday so many times i pick up phone to just cancel but haven't. I will go this time as i need to talk with him about things about to happen. I just feel so weak and i have never let anyone or thing make me feel this way never, I am not her and never will be never.

I'm happy you're seeing your doctor on Friday. As for the temptation to cancel, I understand. But, I'm happy you've kept the appointment.

Jazzey im sorry for your pain and i hope you can stay strong you have showed so much strength and i am glad you came back here for support take care of you okay thanks for your response and your insight.

Thank you, Violet. I hope you feel better very soon.

 

[forgetmenot]

Thank you Garden and Domonation for your feedback I guess it does take some strength in posting in reaching out thanks for seeing that. Your right Jazzey being negative is not going to accomplish much I fully understand the thoughts emotions are not real they are over,past tense so why let them take away all i accomplished. Pain well i have conquered that one before so it can be conquered again. I just wish i could undue some things. It doesn't matter now I will continue to try thats all we can do right is try but in making sense of it all it may never happen Ijust have to move on let it go and be thankful for what i have now and for the help recieved for my family now. I will not let these emotions from past tense win i won't.