Differences In Recovered Memories Of Childhood Sexual Abuse

[forgetmenot]

i have started to remember things not pleasant ones i don't know if i should tell him i remember being told by my mother and aunt to keep my filthy mouth shut abt my filthy nightmare i remember her saying id be taken away by children services if i or my sister said anything we told together

 

[Jazzey]

i have started to remember things not pleasant ones i don't know if i should tell him i remember being told by my mother and aunt to keep my filthy mouth shut abt my filthy nightmare i remember her saying id be taken away by children services if i or my sister said anything we told together

I think it's important to share these memories with him. But if this is your first session, you may just want to jot down some of these memories for a later date. But definitely share them - they're important for your recovery.

The first session will mostly be about why you're there - in general terms. I hope I'm not misunderstanding - I understood this was your first session with this person.

 

[forgetmenot]

jazzey it is notmy first session but i have never let him to believe there was any thing wrong my session withhim before dealt with my daughter and my fear of losing her i can't be seperated from her without having anxiety attacks i never brought up my memories from past he has brought pain back by asking me abt my family first session he ask abt abuse i never answered him just yelled at him i didn't want to go back to my past wanted to stay in present

 

[Jazzey]

The past can be hard to go back to Mary. And you don't have to tell him the details of the memories just yet. But you do have to tell him that you've been abused. And, from what you're telling me, I'm guessing that he already knows.

Your daughter is really important to you - I know how much you love her. What better gift to her right now than to provide her with a mom who is whole again? A mom who is working on herself, willing to work on herself to be better and feel better...Not to mention what it will do for you... that inner child is letting you know that it's time to deal with a bit of your past Mary. .:support:

 

[amastie]

Mary, wanted to add to Jazzey's words that you owe it to your daughter and to yourself to heal whatever pain you hold in yourself. Tell your memories if it helps you to feel that you no longer need to hold them in. If you do it in the context of therpay, it is safe to do.
:heart:

 

[forgetmenot]

thanks amastie i know what your and jazzie are saying is correct i know and jazzie is probably right the t probably know something up as well but i was told never to tell and we didn't now at 50 it is all coming to surface because of what is happeining with my daughter i will try to tell him but i won't tell him everything noone needs to know

---------- Post added later and automatically merged ----------

thanks jazzey i will try tommorrow to tell him im sure he know something he is a smart t i just want this other child gone so i can deal with my daughters saddness and illness god how many of my family are ill then now her it is not fair but life has never been fair take care jazzey thanks again for getting me to oopen up a bit mary

 

[prayerbear]

No offense-this is my favorite site, but I am going to be honest-the inner child is New Age and my family has been destroyed by New Age thinking. My oldest sister is a witch and my abusive father intimidated me with his occult Silva Mind Control abilities. New Age belief ruined my whole family.

 

[forgetmenot]

so your saying this new way of thinking is wrong that innerchild doesn't exist what are you trying to say to me i don't get it it doesn't matter anyway because i won't except the pain i just live present anyway im sorry your family is a mess prayerbear i hope you are able to take care of you now mary

 

[Jazzey]

No offense-this is my favorite site, but I am going to be honest-the inner child is New Age and my family has been destroyed by New Age thinking. My oldest sister is a witch and my abusive father intimidated me with his occult Silva Mind Control abilities. New Age belief ruined my whole family.

I'm not sure that I understand either Prayerbear. I think you're saying that the inner child is a concept based on spiritual beliefs ....I'm attaching a link about the inner child Prayerbear. I'm sorry you went through what you did. But the inner child is not a creation of New Age thinking.

The Child Within - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

 

[amastie]

...i just want this other child gone so i can deal with my daughters saddness ..

I'm confused,Mary. What child are you wanting to go away. Do you expeience a child inside yourself? Do you dissociatie?

As for you father and family using New Age techniques (which you referto in another post) as having been abusive of you, Beliefs don't abouse people. *People* abuse people. I'm terribly sad that your father and family used their beliefs to inflict pain on you, ,but again the cruelty was theirs. They could have used any belief at all to carry out their abusive intentions.

I'm so sorry that you went through that :support:

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Amnastie

It is prayerbear who is talking about her beliefs - new age techniques of inner child. Jazzey or myself didn't understand what was being said. My statement of having this inner child go away is that this child from the past causes a lot of pain and confusion. My guess now they are flashbacks I am having from my past.

 

[amastie]

I'm sorry, Mary. Yes, I can see that it was prayerbear who experienced that.
Popping in very briefly so that friends know that I am still thinking of them, but cannot linger. Will catch up again.
For now :heart:
amastie

 

[Jazzey]

I'm adding to this thread only because I've had recent experiences with this. For whatever reason, I'm getting more (I think) memories right now.

I was recently on vacation and shared a room with a friend. She told me that I talked all night. Sometimes in English, sometimes in French.

I'm adding this only because I think it may be relevant - it seems to be my time stamp right now. I'm not really sleeping right now because whenever I do sleep I'm visited by serious dreams (actually, the same ones over and over and over again - well, you get the point) . I use language to try and pinpoint time frames for myself.

Here's the weird part - as part of this experience, I have what I can only term loosely as body memories. And I'm not sure if it's a memory or just a dream. Some of it pertains to the rape - and now I'm left wondering if I blocked out anything during those 2 days, things that are now coming back to me. But I'm not sure that I know what's reality and what's imagined.

I do have one piece of information (if you will) that I'm pretty sure that is real - the most distressing part for me and that I have in all honesty denied for the past year. I say honestly because I thought I was being honest when I was denying it - now, I'm fairly certain that I shouldn't have been denying it so fervently.

Sorry - I recognize that my post is cryptic. I wanted to write this without providing details because I'm not sure that I can (mentally) and I'm not sure that it would serve a purpose here. The pertinent point being that I have these dreams/memories and I don't know how to decipher them.

 

[suewatters1]

I do have one piece of information (if you will) that I'm pretty sure that is real - the most distressing part for me and that I have in all honesty denied for the past year. I say honestly because I thought I was being honest when I was denying it - now, I'm fairly certain that I shouldn't have been denying it so fervently.

So correct me if I am wrong but a new piece of your puzzle has come back but you denied that it happen because you believe in the information you had instead of questioning it. But now you know the truth you wish you didn't deny it.
That could be that you couldn't mentally cope with the truth then but you can now.

Maybe with time your dreams will be the way you will solve the puzzle of those 2 days.

I hope you find help to deal with your dreams.

Sue

 

[Jazzey]

Kind of...I've denied this part of the assault for the past year because I thought I remembered everything and I didn't think this was part of it. Now I'm not sure because of those memories. The only reason for regretting the denial is for medical reasons.

But again, while I say I'm fairly sure, I'm not sure that I can deal with it so we're back to square one - i.e. I'm leaving it alone. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter to me is just moving forward with healing. I'm not sure that the details of the assault are necessarily important, whether real or imagined. But I do wish I'd stop dreaming about this stuff.

As for the references of the 2 days - I was raped over the course of 2 days. I'm not sure that I understand your post on this point. I'm not saying that I want to figure it out in 2 days, simply that I was raped during 2 days - so I think I may be a little foggier about the events than I initially thought?

Thanks Sue.

 

[suewatters1]

Hi Jazzey sorry what I meant to say was those 2 days last year are a puzzle in your mind you wish you could put the pieces together to get the whole story so that you don't have to question any of the memories.

The main thing is you are right in moving forward and healing. You were rape that is all you need to know. That is the only truth you need. You know it happen. Someday when you are more into the healing process maybe the events of those 2 days will slowly come back if you want to.

I hope I clarified things. Sometimes I have a hard time explaining things.

Sue

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks Sue - sorry, I misunderstood. I thought I remembered every detail of those 2 days. But I'm ready to acknowledge that maybe I didn't?

And, you're absolutely right - I'm not sure that the details are necessarily important to my progress. Once I figure out who I am now, none of those details will be important to me. And nor are they right now. I just sometimes get frustrated with my own memory. Or, this is symptomatic of middle-age (ok, sorry - couldn't resist a moment of levity )

:hug:

 

[busybee]

You all are remarkable people, and for sharing yourselves and your stories. It seems to me that in your cases with your families that this abuse may have been a generational occurrance and therefore Normal.. It is a terrible silence that many families have incestual relations that occur and it is okay. Chances are these events have happened to your mothers your aunts and the silence becomes the secret. It is so sad that you have been touched and abused by someone who as a child you would trust and even love. The secrets and the silence can be the killer. Not being believed and hiding the truth. While I was raped when I was 6 i suppose in my benefit the blessing was that it was not a relation. I was in a orphanage and these people were my christmas holiday guardians?? But still strangers and not loved ones who I had to maintain contact and have in my life. Hopefully by breaking your silence in this forum you can address the issues, that the child is not to blame, forgive yourself you have done nothing wrong. Nurture the child within. Know that you are valued and show great strength.

 

[Murray]

I am so sorry that this happened to you busybee,it must have been so painful for you. I don't know that it would make it any easier that it wasn't family. I think it is a horrible thing that you were subjected to regardless of whether it was family or not.

My mom and her siblings were in an orphanage for several years before they were eventually adopted. She doesn't talk about it much but it was very difficult for them. She has told me that she was sexually abused while in the orphanage as well as after she was adopted. It just makes me so sad to think of all of these children who have been abused.

I think that you are right about this being "normal" in some families. As far as my family goes, the incest and abuse was definitely a multi-generational thing and sort of "normal" on both sides of the family. Otherwise my grandma saying "boys will be boys" when she heard about my abuse wouldn't make so much sense. It is just so sad.

Sorry I am rambling again today, my brain is a big foggy right now. I just wanted to say that I really feel for you busybee and I am truly sorry that you had to suffer in this way.