Dilemmas of being a single parent

[Atlantean]

Well, despite what I wrote in a previous post, my husband and I will not be reconciling.

I feel really torn between the thought of staying single forever and the thought of finding another relationship (when that time comes).

On one hand I love just being able to devote my life to my son. I love sleeping with him every night and just laying there listening to him breathe. (Hes nine months old). Regarding being single, I love being able to do whatever I want to do whenever I have to do it without having to take another persons thoughts into consideration. If I want to stay up until 3am listening to music, I can. I dont have to ask for anyones input regarding any decision I make, and that feels really good to me.

...on the other hand

I struggle with feelings of loneliness and depression, and I would really like to have the right person in my life, and a good role model for my son, and just a partner to live out the rest of my days with. I would really love to have another baby and that obviously wont happen if I dont have a partner. (LOL, I dont know of any sperm donor labs here in the area).

I cant even imagine finding someone who would really love and accept me like my Ex did (until things went south, of course). I feel like I cant even open up about anything from my past or show any cracks in the surface of anything undermining absolute normalcy, when sometimes I feel anything but normal.

Ive gone out on two dates since the break up, and I found a really cool guy that is coming over tomorrow for pizza and a movie, and he is also a single parent, and we both agree that if anything is going to happen (be it between the two of us or with anyone else either of us may choose, we arent exclusive and are just friends at this point), it will have to be very much a slow-going process. I know thats really important to me, because my ability to trust and really give myself to someone has been severely compromised.

I guess there are several issues all being brought up here, and maybe I just needed to vent I dont know if anyone has any thoughts on the matter or can really help, but I just called mom and it was relatively useless , all she could tell me was my thoughts were perfectly "normal". (Ha! Imagine that, me having normal thoughts...).

Anyway, any supportive advice or insight would be much appreciated..I wish there was some in between, I dont know what to do. I dont know how to make that decision. I dont know what I need more, and ultimately whats best for my son.

 

[Halo]

Re: Dilemas of being a single parent

Atlantean,

I am sorry that you are not getting back together with your husband however I think that putting your son first is beautiful.

I don't have a lot of experience with relationships myself but I don't think that just because you are not with your ex that it means that you are destine to be alone. I think that it is possible for you to fall in love again and be open and honest with someone else but it is just going to take time to find that right person.

If it is meant to be, it will happen but looking after yourself and your son now is the best thing.

Remember that we are always here for you if you need support or just to vent.

Take care

 

[Atlantean]

Thanks for your feedback, Halo. I guess in the back of my mind I know that when everything is "right" the situation will just fall into place, but sometimes I just really get torn between what I want, when my feelings towards both things are so strong.

Thanks again.:dimples:

 

[Halo]

Your welcome Atlantean

I know that your feelings can be pulling you one way or another but I think taking it one day at a time right now is probably your best bet. As you said, I am sure that in time when things are right everything will just fall into place and will happen before you know it.

Take care

 

[Into The Light]

that's a really tough situation you're in. i think i would be struggling with the same issues myself if it were me. i think maybe for now just take it slow and enjoy your alone time with your son, but also enjoy your new friend's company and see where it goes. if he turns out to be the right person for you then i think it would be wonderful for you to have him as a partner and a role model.

 

[Atlantean]

Yeah. hes a pretty awesome guy. It would be cool if it were him, but even if its not hes great to have around just as a friend.

Thanks. And believe me, Im definitely enjoying the time I have with my son now, and taking everything very slow.

I actually was talking with Neil (cool guy) about this dilemma, and he pointed out that the right person would encourage my personal freedom, not stifle it. He had a few other things to say, but I felt much better after I talked to him.

 

[Into The Light]

that's great to hear! i think ultimately if you meet the right person then just go for it, but if you don't, you still have your son to be with and enjoy. both scenarios have their positives about them, so whichever way it turns out, i think it will work out fine for you.

your friend sounds pretty nice and smart, that was a great point he made. he's off to a good start with you

 

[HBas]

Hi Atlantean,

Reading your post just put me exactly where I was two years ago
1 Year old son, dealing with a divorce and having met a good new guy that helped me deal with a lot of my emotions ...

My son is 3 now and still the best thing that ever happened to me! He is stable as can be and doing great ... so am I

These feelings are VERY normal and I think you are dealing with the situation in the best possible way! AWESOME ...

Take care of you and follow your own advise - KEEP TAKING IT EASY!

HBas