Disappointed

[GingerUK]

Good morning everyone!

Well...I've been doing SO well lately, I've been reading a book by Susan Anderson...I think that's her name! I cant remember. Anyway, there have been some excellent exercises in there that are really helping me.

But I had such a disappointed evening...and I felt so unimportant, so rejected.

My partner was called away on business the other night...so rather than miss our date yesterday, I got dressed up for him, lit some candles, opened some wine and we connected over the webcam! He was in his hotel room and I was here in Liverpool. I just wanted us to have a nice night together despite the distance. After about 15 minutes chatting, he suddenly said he was leaving because a business colleague had invited him for drinks in the bar.
I was so furious with him, because I'd made so much effort and I felt utterly rejected by him! I told him I was furious and he apologised but he HAD to go...now this anger has turned into just hurt.

Deep down, I know he was probably leaving to discuss business over drinks. He IS on a working trip after all...but I feel like I don't matter, it feels like I've been stood up on a date. As though he wasn't interested and didn't want to spend time with me. I think what hurts more is the fact that I had really tried and made a real effort, I was feeling good, feeling positive...and even that wasn't good enough.

Sorry...I am rambling a little today. But, I feel I need to post on here before I explode...I need to speak my mind.

 

[ladylore]

I'm sorry that happened. It would be a disappointment

 

[Into The Light]

did your husband know you were planning to go through all that trouble for the date? or was it a surprise for him?

i would probably feel hurt and disappointed too. logically you know he's away for business but logic can't always take away our feelings.

i think what you could do, if you feel it's right, is talk to him about it when he gets back home and how it made you feel, and maybe try to come up with a plan for the next time he has to be away that would work for both of you. if he knows in advance he has an evening business meeting he could let you know before he goes, or as soon as he finds out if he doesn't know til he's already left.

 

[GingerUK]

No, he did know. I called him earlier in the day to tell him. I think it is why I felt so rejected when he only stayed for 15 minutes.

I spoke to him today...told him how angry and hurt I was...he kept apologising and said it was unexpected...he didn't know his colleague was going to ask him for drinks. And it WAS business they were discussing.

But feeling how I do, and him KNOWING the problems and emotions I go through...I expected a little more understanding to be honest. Instead all my positive feelings just got brushed away and I felt like all that effort was un-noticed.

 

[Sparrow]

Hello CezUK,

First off, I hope your feeling better than when you posted. You didn't mention how long your partner would be away for (2 days or 1 year?) or who's idea this webcam thing was. He's on a working trip then gets called away to a bar, o.k., did he call you back later?

What with the candles, wine, and internet ambiance it almost sounds like you may have set yourself up though. Perhaps I'm wrong and there probably are other things involved, but from a guys point of view I really hope an anniversary wasn't one of them.

Stay chirpy CezUK

P.S.... Don't put yourself on a whipping post.

 

[Into The Light]

so the question now indeed is, does he understand how important it was to you. i think for a next time if something like this comes up unexpectedly, ask him to email you as soon as he can to at least let you know about the change in plan. he didn't tell you until the moment he had to leave, and that was a bit of a shock to your expectations. i think had you known up front, it might not have been such a let down.

when will he be back home?

 

[GingerUK]

He'll be home on Wednesday. I've spoken to him today...and he has been apologising, but I feel so alone at the moment! Like I am reaching out to people...constantly needing validation that I'm worthy, gathering any scraps of attention I can...but everyone is rushing past me; at least thats how it feels. I'm so tired. Tired of needing so much...tired of leaning on people. Tired of being too afraid to stand alone emotionally. And I'm tired of this front that I've adopted over the years...dependable, reliable, confident Cez! Being the strong one all the time...the rock! I can't keep it up any more.

Sorry...rambling again. :bonk:

 

[Sparrow]

Hey there,

Cut yourself some slack. Pull up your socks and put your best foot forward, but you don't HAVE to be some sort of rock. Also remember to take care of yourself, and do not brood in the meantime. You will see your hubby soon enough.
Why does communication come to my mind? - Joey -