Disliked by most biological family members

[bb]

Hi,

I didn't know where else to post this, but I am going to post it here anyways.

I have found myself ignored, despised, or hated by almost all of my biological family members.

This started when my ex-wife divorced me in 2001.

I am now 30 years old and remarried again in 2003.

What has been the hardest part has been the behavior of my own biological parents who consistently support my ex wife in all aspects of life.

(financial, emotional, etc)

They continued to leave pictures of the ex and I in their home and discuss her in the most pleasant manner during visits by my present family.

They deliberately and consistently talked about the ex and praise her in all aspects in front of my present wife. (We never bring discussions about the ex up on our own)

They have often made extreme comments pertaining to the ex. (Deliberately made to get under my skin)

The ex often enters their home to socialize and they often attend family functions at the ex's house where they know that I am not welcome.

Many members of my biological family are also reportedly present at these functions as well.

(I have a 5 year old son from a previous marriage and a 1 year old son from my present marriage)

My parents excuse has always been that they behave in such a manner because they wanted to make sure that the ex provides them with visitation.

My visitation schedule is very generous, but any time that I have offered them has always been rejected, so that is no excuse.

They have left me homeless when I was destitute after the divorce on more than one occassion.

I have tried to keep them out of my life as an attempt to eliminate leaks about my private life (I have reason to believe that they consistently leak information about my personal life to my ex such as income, place of employment, and living conditions) but because I have gone through some periods of unemployment and have been overly burdened with child support and the effective consequences of such I keep finding myself needing to crawl back to them. I feel like an idiot when I get their help and then run as fast as I can. I want to keep away from them permanently for the sake and sanity of my present family, but my present family has no one. We have no biological family on our side, and have no friends that would back us up in any kind of fall.

Any effort to discuss these matters at all is consistenly greeted by complete ignorance of what I am trying to say, a complete lack of sympathy concerning what I am talking about, or a rapid change of subject.

Other family members such as cousins, uncles, aunts, grandmothers, etc treat me like there is something seriously wrong with me and/or ignore all efforts of communication whatsoever. I am treated like a junkie or a murderer trust me on this.

I have been diagnosed with OCD. After I quantify a family members' behavior as totally unacceptable to me, I find myself in many cases re-contacting the same people.

I am not sure if that is because I need genuine financial or logistical help at that time and think that contacting anyone is worthwhile, feel that perhaps that person is not that bad and might be more understanding at some later time, or maybe I am just addicted to talking to this batch of effective creeps.

Please help me.

Thanks

 

[Daniel E.]

Any effort to discuss these matters at all is consistenly greeted by complete ignorance of what I am trying to say, a complete lack of sympathy concerning what I am talking about, or a rapid change of subject.

I don't know if this is a good idea, but if your parents ever invite you and your wife over, tell them your wife won't be present unless they agree to stop humiliating her with comments about your ex-wife.

I feel like an idiot when I get their help and then run as fast as I can. I want to keep away from them permanently for the sake and sanity of my present family, but my present family has no one. We have no biological family on our side, and have no friends that would back us up in any kind of fall.

You can still have some relationship with your parents even if you keep your wife away from them. If you keep them at bay except when you need something, then they would naturally be less sympathetic towards you. Most adult familial relationships are at least somewhat reciprocal over time, e.g. "I help you in some way, and you help me in some way." Most parents are just happy if their adult children call or see them more often. Do you call your parents every now and then to see how they are doing, etc.? Or do you just call them when you need something?

If you don't want to have much to do with your parents, there is nothing inherently wrong with that. However, it may be in your best interest to keep some relationship going, such as calling every now and then to ask how they are doing. If you have a financial problem and they won't help much, you may want to contact local charities like the Good Will and government programs like your state's Department of Children & Families.

They have left me homeless when I was destitute after the divorce on more than one occassion.

This seems like a bigger issue than their comments about the ex-wife. Did they refuse to let you stay with them for a while? Or did they just refuse to pay your rent?