Hi Guys,
Im new to this and really I guess its comforting seeking the advice and guidance who have already experienced.
I have been married for a year. The violence started straight after I came back from our honeymoon. It carried on through out the year, and than after my parents intervened it stopped for about 4 months. However of these 4 months the last two were great, finally after ten months of marriage I started to feel loved up and had forgiven him for the violence.
However three weeks ago the violence happened again. He hit me because I said something in an argument that he did not like. I told him I thought his best friend looked at me in a pervy way.
Now im at home with parents. He keeps saying hows hes really sorry and he knows that he did not treat me right and how much hes changed these last few months (which to be fair he has).
He keeps telling me that im quitting on this marriage even though I have not given therapy (for him) a chance and that he is changing and i should stand by him.
He maybe right, but im confused. All this year hes hurt me so much, the violence, his controlling behaviour, verbal abuse in front of his friends on the odd occasion.
All of this has created a monster out of me.. an aspect of me that I dont like has come out In this last year I have noticed rage inside of me building up as I felt so trapped in the mental prison. I would break things, and smash things and break down and cry. I would not hit these things at him, but I found myself breaking things around the house.
We had numerous problems in our marraige. I never felt i was his No.1, it was always his friends or social life that took precedence.
Hes told everyone that I push his buttons and its because i say things to make him mad. He said I emotionally abuse him. Yes I have said things to hurt him in arguements, just as he does with me... or maybe I have been resentful to him because of how violent he was with me? i dont know.
Now I have the option to walk away and start again. I am scared to be alone, to be single, but it maybe the only choice I have.
His family are too scared to tell him otherwise. Its almost as though they are selfish and have 'washed their hands with him'. I feel I have very little support from them- none in fact. As his parents are seperated, I feel that the father pumps him up against me, and plays on the 'im old, i need lots of attention' routine and tries to make my husband feel guilty that his dad is alone, which is taken out me. Im constantly told im disrespectful to his dad etc, which is strange as I know that not true, ive not been brought up that way!
Given the circumstances would I be mad to walk away from this marriage without giving him a final chance , especially as now he want to have therapy? ... im scared of thinking a year from now ' what if he did change ?' What have you guys discovered from your experience?
Im new to this and really I guess its comforting seeking the advice and guidance who have already experienced.
I have been married for a year. The violence started straight after I came back from our honeymoon. It carried on through out the year, and than after my parents intervened it stopped for about 4 months. However of these 4 months the last two were great, finally after ten months of marriage I started to feel loved up and had forgiven him for the violence.
However three weeks ago the violence happened again. He hit me because I said something in an argument that he did not like. I told him I thought his best friend looked at me in a pervy way.
Now im at home with parents. He keeps saying hows hes really sorry and he knows that he did not treat me right and how much hes changed these last few months (which to be fair he has).
He keeps telling me that im quitting on this marriage even though I have not given therapy (for him) a chance and that he is changing and i should stand by him.
He maybe right, but im confused. All this year hes hurt me so much, the violence, his controlling behaviour, verbal abuse in front of his friends on the odd occasion.
All of this has created a monster out of me.. an aspect of me that I dont like has come out In this last year I have noticed rage inside of me building up as I felt so trapped in the mental prison. I would break things, and smash things and break down and cry. I would not hit these things at him, but I found myself breaking things around the house.
We had numerous problems in our marraige. I never felt i was his No.1, it was always his friends or social life that took precedence.
Hes told everyone that I push his buttons and its because i say things to make him mad. He said I emotionally abuse him. Yes I have said things to hurt him in arguements, just as he does with me... or maybe I have been resentful to him because of how violent he was with me? i dont know.
Now I have the option to walk away and start again. I am scared to be alone, to be single, but it maybe the only choice I have.
His family are too scared to tell him otherwise. Its almost as though they are selfish and have 'washed their hands with him'. I feel I have very little support from them- none in fact. As his parents are seperated, I feel that the father pumps him up against me, and plays on the 'im old, i need lots of attention' routine and tries to make my husband feel guilty that his dad is alone, which is taken out me. Im constantly told im disrespectful to his dad etc, which is strange as I know that not true, ive not been brought up that way!
Given the circumstances would I be mad to walk away from this marriage without giving him a final chance , especially as now he want to have therapy? ... im scared of thinking a year from now ' what if he did change ?' What have you guys discovered from your experience?