DOING the hard work!

[sunset]

This is part of what my therapist told me the last time I spoke with him... I need to do the hard work.. I said, well, what does that mean? Is it something I should be "thinking" about? Is that the hard work?
I need to stop negative thinking and keep a gratitude journal (which I am finding hard to do!). Is THAT the hard work? I mean, ok, it takes an effort to catch myself and say ok, that was negative, so let me turn it around and say something positive.But what is really "the hard work"? I guess I just dont understand really... I will see my therapist again tomorrow evening and I am kinda nervous, because I feel like I am not going to measure up. He was sort of angry with me last week on the phone...

What does it mean to you when you are in therapy, and they say you need to do the hard work? What is your hard work?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

He was sort of angry with me last week on the phone...

Why was he angry? Or why do you think he was angry?

 

[sunset]

He was angry, and I could tell from his tone of voice.. He said I was not doing the work, but I am confused as to what the "work" is. He dosent get "angry" or frustrated with me a lot, but when he does, I know about it.

He told me to write things down, because I forget things, and I told him I was writing things down, as we were talking..

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Hmmm... it seems to me that this is the first thing you need to talk about tomorrow. Tell him that you don't understand - why he was angry or what "the work" is.

Ask him to write it down for you - or take a notepad and make notes during the session to help you remember.

 

[sunset]

Ok, Dr B... I am taking a notepad with me, and will ask the question you mentioned. At least this will show him I WANT to do what he asks of me, I just dont quite know what that entails... Does that make me stupid?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Not at all, Sunset.

I have several clients who take notes. I also have a several who bring notes - sort of agenda or a list of questions or items they don't want to forget about.

 

[sunset]

Thanks Dr B! I will let you know how it goes... :dimples:

 

[Halo]

Sunset,

I just wanted to let you know that I often will email my psych before an appt (and if email was not avail I would bring a list) of things that I want to discuss in my session. I have also told him that I need time at the end of a session to recap what it is that I need to focus on and do in the upcoming week. I don't take notes but doing this recap helps me with knowing what is expected.

Good luck with your session tomorrow and bring a notepad sounds like a good idea to me.

Take care
:hug:

 

[sunset]

Thanks Halo! So... You actually walk away from a session with "things to do"? Just curious, do you have something to do each week, and is that how most therapists operate?

 

[Cavi]

Sunset...I would be confused to of what he means by hard work...To me, going into a session and going over painful stuff is hard work...guess his meaning is flying over my head...(Heh, that happens often)....RIMH

 

[sunset]

Hey RIMH... GLad I am not alone in thinking like this..

 

[sister-ray]

Sunset,

i dont see a therapist at the moment, but when I did I always made notes of what I wanted to discuss and I always came away from a session with things I needed to do for that week, I would then do them, write down what happened etc and take it all back to the next session. If he/she says something you dont understand or think you might forget ask them to write it down for you. One therapist I had use to give me these worksheets with stuff I needed to do on and then I would fill them in and return them, they where very useful. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

 

[Halo]

Thanks Halo! So... You actually walk away from a session with "things to do"? Just curious, do you have something to do each week, and is that how most therapists operate?

I don't know about other therapists but with mine I tend to have something to focus on or work on between sessions yes (i.e. homework of sorts). I seem to express myself well I think in writing and my psych knows that so he will often ask me to do some writing in between sessions especially if I am having a hard time with expressing what I am really feeling. A lot of times it comes easier on paper then it does in a session. Then I will forward it to him or bring it with me next session and we discuss it.

While I will admit that there are some weeks that I have too much else on my plate or just getting through each day is about as much as I can handle and he will not say anything about homework or writing but he seems to be a good judge of that and doesn't push it.

I hope this answers your question

Take care
:hug:

 

[sunset]

Sunset,

i dont see a therapist at the moment, but when I did I always made notes of what I wanted to discuss and I always came away from a session with things I needed to do for that week, I would then do them, write down what happened etc and take it all back to the next session. If he/she says something you dont understand or think you might forget ask them to write it down for you. One therapist I had use to give me these worksheets with stuff I needed to do on and then I would fill them in and return them, they where very useful. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

We dont have any kind of worksheets, but I will take a notepad and try to write things down. I will also ask him what I should be working on till I see him again, and hopefully this will work for me. Thank you for your input!

 

[sunset]

I don't know about other therapists but with mine I tend to have something to focus on or work on between sessions yes (i.e. homework of sorts). I seem to express myself well I think in writing and my psych knows that so he will often ask me to do some writing in between sessions especially if I am having a hard time with expressing what I am really feeling. A lot of times it comes easier on paper then it does in a session. Then I will forward it to him or bring it with me next session and we discuss it.

While I will admit that there are some weeks that I have too much else on my plate or just getting through each day is about as much as I can handle and he will not say anything about homework or writing but he seems to be a good judge of that and doesn't push it.

I hope this answers your question


Take care
:hug:

Yes it does Nancy, and Thank you! I sometimes find its easier to write things down, and then try to make sense of it all. If I try to verbalize what I am feeling or trying to say, sometimes I cant say it right where it expresses what going on with me, and I get discouraged and say forget it, or nevermind.

 

[Halo]

Yes it does Halo, and Thank you! I sometimes find its easier to write things down, and then try to make sense of it all. If I try to verbalize what I am feeling or trying to say, sometimes I cant say it right where it expresses what going on with me, and I get discouraged and say forget it, or nevermind.

I am glad that it answered your questions Sunset and I can tell you that I was exactly like you (and still am). Many times I will have lots of thoughts that I just can't seem to verbalize and put feelings with and at the beginning of therapy I was struggling a lot with that until I started writing more and that is when I think we both realized that my writing is the best way for me to express myself openly and honestly with no hesitation. I also find that it serves as a good icebreaker (sort of speak). Things that are too hard to say sometimes are much easier to write and send/hand to him and then he reads it and we talk about it.

Bring a notepad and asking what he thinks that you should be focusing/working on till you see him the next time is a great idea

Take care and let us know how it goes.
:hug:

 

[sunset]

Re: DOING the hard work! UPDATE!!

I walked into therapy last night armed with a pen and notepad. First topic of discussion was, I told him I wasnt really sure what the "hard work" entailed. Even now, its not totally "clear", but I have an idea what he is getting at, and he said we will get to it, but dosent want me to get ahead of myself.

He said I need to understand the damage that was done to me as a little girl, before I can go about changing things, or I will repeat what I usually do.. Which is, put up walls, isolate, and get depressed.
He said I was brought up learning (not intentionally!) that I was not good enough. He said we either become "super performers" or "Rebels" or a combination of both. In my last job I was a super performer until things caught up with me, then I became a rebel, and started to get in trouble with my boss, which is how I found my therapist!

It was a good session and he really got me thinking about some things that I thought was ok for me to be saying and doing, when in fact, I am most likely wrong about it all. He mentioned something that I didnt think had much to do with that particular session, and it stopped me cold. I was upset, but I am beginning to see its all related in how I deal with people and daily problems..

I am going to continue to write things down. Kind of like a daily log, to try and catch myself being negative. I will also take notes at my sessions too, as I do tend to "forget" what exactly he said, and it becomes a jumble of words in my head...

He brought up my dream again, and I said it was scary and didnt want to even remember it, and he said he is not going to let me forget it, because its important to understand and learn from it. He said I am trying to stuff it down again, and I need to let it out.

So, I have a ways to go, but I think I have a better understanding of "me" and how I need to go about changing my thinking..

I am thankful for this forum that I can share these private thoughts without judgement or criticism. :dimples:

 

[Halo]

Sunset,

Sounds like you had a good session...I am happy for you

Good work :goodjob:

Take care
:hug:

 

[sunset]

Sunset,

Sounds like you had a good session...I am happy for you

Good work :goodjob:

Take care
:hug:

Thank You Nancy! I would be lost without my Therapist. He really is a wonderful Dr.

 

[sister-ray]

Sunset,

Im glad to hear you had a good therapy session