Don’t ask, Don’t tell: The Stigma of Going to Therapy
by Mary Russell, M.S., Albert Ellis Institute blog
Perceptions of psychotherapy have improved considerably. Nonetheless, a 2004 poll by the American Psychological Association reported that 30% of Americans worry about others finding out if they saw a therapist and 20% wouldn’t seek needed therapy due to stigma. Often, decisions to keep one’s therapy secret or, worse, avoid seeking help can lead to unhealthy negative emotions that interfere with daily life. Further, these emotions are almost always driven in part by irrational beliefs about what being “in therapy” means. What are some beliefs that cause people to feel so badly and how might we modify them to help them feel better and make healthier decisions?
Individuals considering therapy may think, “needing therapy means something is wrong with me and there shouldn’t be! It would be horrible if there was and it would mean I was crazy!” Though people may hold firmly to these beliefs, are they rational? Let’s assume there is something “wrong” with you- where is the evidence that you shouldn’t have imperfections? As humans, we all have our unique strengths and weaknesses – we are all fallible and flawed. If this is the case, is it really horrible that you are imperfect also? Further, how does it follow that because you are imperfect that you’re a crazy person? Aren’t you more than just a sum of your flaws? Would you tell a friend he was crazy because of his imperfections? Better to think, “I would prefer there was nothing wrong with me, but everyone is flawed. This doesn’t mean that I’m crazy, just that I could use some help coping with my flaws. This is unfortunate, but certainly not horrible.” Thoughts like these would lead to healthy negative feelings of regret, but not shame, and sadness, but not depression.
Alternatively, people in therapy may feel embarrassed or ashamed stemming from thoughts like, “If people knew I was in therapy, they would think I was crazy or weak or overly dramatic. They shouldn’t think that and it would be horrible if they did! I couldn’t bear it!” These thoughts don’t seem terribly rational either. Let’s assume people did think you were crazy, weak, or a drama queen [or king!], would it really be that horrible? Just because they think it, doesn’t make it true and it certainly doesn’t make it horrible. Would you cease to exist if people thought negative things about you? Surely, people have said bad things about you before and you’ve survived and tolerated it. Better to think, “I would prefer that people didn’t think such negative things about me but just because I want them to not say such things, doesn’t mean they have to. It’s too bad, but not horrible. It might be difficult to deal with their opinions, but I can deal with it.”
The decision to go to therapy is not always an easy one. That being said, if you are struggling to function in your everyday life or experiencing unhealthy feelings, therapy can be a valuable tool to help you cope and feel better. Do not let your irrational beliefs about what therapy does and does not mean prevent you from seeking help or feel badly about needing help.
“The difference between a normal and a stigmatised person was a question of perspective, not reality.” – Erving Goffman
by Mary Russell, M.S., Albert Ellis Institute blog
Perceptions of psychotherapy have improved considerably. Nonetheless, a 2004 poll by the American Psychological Association reported that 30% of Americans worry about others finding out if they saw a therapist and 20% wouldn’t seek needed therapy due to stigma. Often, decisions to keep one’s therapy secret or, worse, avoid seeking help can lead to unhealthy negative emotions that interfere with daily life. Further, these emotions are almost always driven in part by irrational beliefs about what being “in therapy” means. What are some beliefs that cause people to feel so badly and how might we modify them to help them feel better and make healthier decisions?
Individuals considering therapy may think, “needing therapy means something is wrong with me and there shouldn’t be! It would be horrible if there was and it would mean I was crazy!” Though people may hold firmly to these beliefs, are they rational? Let’s assume there is something “wrong” with you- where is the evidence that you shouldn’t have imperfections? As humans, we all have our unique strengths and weaknesses – we are all fallible and flawed. If this is the case, is it really horrible that you are imperfect also? Further, how does it follow that because you are imperfect that you’re a crazy person? Aren’t you more than just a sum of your flaws? Would you tell a friend he was crazy because of his imperfections? Better to think, “I would prefer there was nothing wrong with me, but everyone is flawed. This doesn’t mean that I’m crazy, just that I could use some help coping with my flaws. This is unfortunate, but certainly not horrible.” Thoughts like these would lead to healthy negative feelings of regret, but not shame, and sadness, but not depression.
Alternatively, people in therapy may feel embarrassed or ashamed stemming from thoughts like, “If people knew I was in therapy, they would think I was crazy or weak or overly dramatic. They shouldn’t think that and it would be horrible if they did! I couldn’t bear it!” These thoughts don’t seem terribly rational either. Let’s assume people did think you were crazy, weak, or a drama queen [or king!], would it really be that horrible? Just because they think it, doesn’t make it true and it certainly doesn’t make it horrible. Would you cease to exist if people thought negative things about you? Surely, people have said bad things about you before and you’ve survived and tolerated it. Better to think, “I would prefer that people didn’t think such negative things about me but just because I want them to not say such things, doesn’t mean they have to. It’s too bad, but not horrible. It might be difficult to deal with their opinions, but I can deal with it.”
The decision to go to therapy is not always an easy one. That being said, if you are struggling to function in your everyday life or experiencing unhealthy feelings, therapy can be a valuable tool to help you cope and feel better. Do not let your irrational beliefs about what therapy does and does not mean prevent you from seeking help or feel badly about needing help.
“The difference between a normal and a stigmatised person was a question of perspective, not reality.” – Erving Goffman
