don't know me but that's best. (may be triggering)

[Painfully-Silent]

Okay so I might as well go ahead and throw this out there. I have known for a while that I share my body with others. But it seems like lately there is this interal battle going on for control, more noticable to me than usual. You see I don't cut, but a few of the others cut or do some other type of self-injury. Well, it is getting to be quite scary. I don't know when or where I'm going to come back and find new gashes and such all over me. I think they are trying to kill me. Do you have any suggestions. I seriously thought about locking myself in a hospital for a few days just to be safe from them. The others that don't self-injure are pretty scared as well. If anyone has any ideas please help me. Thanks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Do you have a psychiatrist or psychologist that you are seeing, Silent?

If not, you need to find one. Probably sooner rather than later...

 

[Painfully-Silent]

um..yeah i see a lcsw sometimes.

 

[ThatLady]

Hon, you need to be seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist regularly, not sometimes. You need consistent guidance to help you cope with what's happening. Medications can also be very useful. It may not be necessary to be locked up in a hospital if you can just get good, caring help in a timely manner.

 

[Painfully-Silent]

I agree with you both on the idea that yes I need some therapy on a regular basis, I do try but then I get into to trouble. Example, I am not supposed to talk about a lot of things that seem to be brought up quite a bit in my sessions. Sometimes I will talk anyways even though I know I will be punished for telling someone secrets that are supposed to stay locked away. But sometimes these secrets are so hard to hold in the pain from keeping them is worse than the pain inflicted on me later. I probably shouldn't be even telling you people out in computer land this, but for some reason i don't think that i'll get in as much trouble because of this shield it puts up. I don't know if I making any sense. In regards to medications, don't have much luck with them, right now the only thing I am on is an anticonvulsant, which they say is not controlling my seizures very well, going to have some test done and then possibly my seizure meds will be changed. Then the doc may or may not put me on some kind of other medicine. Overall I guess I am just confused about things. I am tired of this fight for control of the body, I am tired of the way that others use and abuse it, I am tired of the crying, screaming, and conversations in my head, and lastly I am tired of going through this with out being to talk to outsiders about it. I think the reason I am considering the hospital is because I know I will be safer from...whoever might want to control for a while. You're right maybe not a good idea, could get angrier and punish more. Hope I sorta made sense.

 

[ThatLady]

Hmmm. Therapy is all about talking about the things that bother us and trying to find better coping methods. Who tells you not to talk about the "secret things", and who punishes you, hon? It sounds like you're saying your punished after you get out of therapy for talking about the things that are troubling you. :-(

 

[Painfully-Silent]

okay, maybe i haven't made much sense. In the original post I sated that I share my body with others. I have done this for as long as I can remember. The only thing is we don't always agree on things. You see I know that some of the things in my past I have a hard time getting over, the memories haunt me. One time when I was in control I decided that I needed some professional help, I found somebody to help me that I could actually talk to about things. Well, some of the others that live in this body don't like it very much. They think that these secrets, memories, whatever should be kept inside, nobody should find out. When I talk about these painful secrets and memories at a session some of the others get mad. Sometimes they start to punish me before i can go completly away, other times I come back to find gashes and other markings on the body from them. I hate when I am still present because I see it happening but can't stop it. It's an internal torment really. I know I need help but don't want to be punished for talking about things, but then there are some I have to help out too. For example there is a little girl living in my head I call "cry baby" all she does is rock back and forth and cry, sad really I think I should help or protect her in some way. Amongst some of these others that I am trying to help is a silent girl, she talks to me in the head but won't talk to anybody else, sometimes I have to pass on communications for her. I don't know I am so confused and scared.

 

[ThatLady]

I can certainly understand why you'd be confused and scared, hon. I would be, too, if I were trying to cope with the things you're trying to cope with.

I'd suspected you were talking about the "others" when you said you would be punished for talking about secrets. I just wanted to verify that I was correct.

Again, it's important that you have regular therapy, not hit and miss. You can't deal with this alone, luv, since there are so many of you at odds over what needs to be done. A therapist can help you by acting as a mediator between the various entities you describe.

 

[Painfully-Silent]

i see my lcsw sometime this week. trying to hold off on commiting myself till then. I'll talk to her about it and see what she says. In the meantime do you suggest anyway that i could stay in control this time so i will not be hurt further.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Multiple personality disorder, despite what you might think from movies and novels, is not at all common. I wouldn't attempt to treat it myself and I don't think it's wise for anyone without specific training and experience to do it, or even to offer advice. For one thing, there is the risk of creating "new personalities" which may compound the problem as it is currently.

Try to get a referral to someone who is competent to treat the condition - that's the best advice that anyone can give you at this point.

 

[Painfully-Silent]

i understand what you are saying. i know you are not in the US but maybe you could suggest a way for me to go about finding someone who would be able to help me (i.e. is there a place i can look for someone who can treat me at not such an expensive price, the place i go now sees me at no cost). is there a specific place i can look for low cost psychologists or psychiatrists.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

There are a couple of places with therapist directories but the trick will be finding one with the right expertise. You mentioned that you were referred to the LCSW by the hospital, I think... perhaps they could suggest someone. (I'm not sure if they were aware of the symptoms when they made the previous referral.)

Alternatively, contact the American Psychiatric Association or American Psychological Association with a specific request for therapists in your area who treat MPD (I'm assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that you are in the US).