Don't think you are ever over it

[erinatkins]

Hi All,

I guess this is place to post. I was anorexic then bulimic in my teens. Hospitalized 3 times - seemed to do better over all. However I have noticed when I get stressed I go back to old habits. It has been this way since my teens. You can hide it well. Go a few months not purge but then its like you are compelled to. It is kind of hard to explain.

The last year has been a lot of stress - Daughter had 2 surgeries and has dealt with a lot emotional this year and is in counseling - husband with Hep C (from open heart surgery) has been stressed and it is showing - he is not eligible for any studies right now and blood tests are off. I am trying to keep us all together and I am stressing more and more. Last 2 weeks have been like a purge fest. It is hard not to eat and purge. I know is out of control now but it is like I cant stop.

Plus I am feeling guilty because daughter has gained weight from gall bladder removal and I look at her and think she really needs to loose wight and I am not sure real way to help.

I just need a break from it all but I know I can do that either.

Erin

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Your post is a good reminder, erin. Many mental health issues "get worse" under stress. Often, the best strategy is to anticipate this and to take steps to try to guard against or counteract the symptoms, as well as to work on your stress-coping skills where that's possible.

Do you have a counselor or therapist to assist you with this? If not, can you discuss it with your family doctor?

 

[erinatkins]

No I do not have a counselor and I haven't talked to my MD at all about this. I am sort of afraid to. I dont want my sister to find out about this because everyone says they are proud that I have done well and am handling everything pretty well. They just dont know how hard it really is.

I dont want to dissapoint them. Plus my MD is not aware this was issue in teens. I never felt the need to mention it which may have been wrong but he never asked. It just hasnt been this bad in so long.

I have to keep it together for everyone. And it is just rough right now.

 

[ladylore]

Hi Erinatkins,

I was reading your thread and wanted to ask if you think you could tell your family your feeling more stressed then usual due to what is going on for you right now. You may find that they can support you through this and maybe even give you a hand right now.

Everyone goes through rough times and stressfull situations. I know for myself, that when I have tried to keep it together for everyone elses sake, that even adds more stress on to what I was already dealing with.

:hug:
Ladylore

 

[Retired]

Erin,

I haven't talked to my MD at all about this. I am sort of afraid to. I dont want my sister to find out

Your statement raises some concers, because unless your doctor is your sister, there should be no reason for information you disclose to your doctor in confidence should get back to your sister.

Your doctor should not be judgemental, so based on your previous experience, is there a reason to believe your doctor would break your confidence?

The fact is we are all human, and each if us is dealing with our own variety of issues. With the help of therapies and support we learn to deal with most of these issues, but occasionally due to stress or other factors, the issues become more prominent.

There's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, because we are not robots that can be programmed, we are people with feelings, strengths and weaknesses.

At times of relapse, we should be able to rely and fall back on our therapists, doctors and support networks.

They just dont know how hard it really is

It's clear that you are a loving and caring person that you are concerned for your family. However in times of need, which appears to be the case in your current situation, just as you have been there for your family, you should be able to ask for your family's support to help you through your time of need.

Use Psychlinks as well as other reliable resources to gather information which you can perhaps print and give to your family to help inform them of the challenges you are facing.

 

[ThatLady]

Erin, you really do need to discuss this with your doctor. As you say, you're trying to keep everything together. What happens if you can't keep yourself together? Then, the whole game is lost, isn't it? When you're a caregiver for others who are having difficulties, it becomes critically important that you maintain your own health and well-being. If you don't, not only do you suffer but those who depend on your for strength and support suffer.

Your doctor will maintain your confidentiality. Your doctor will also be able to help you get the help you need. Do talk to your doctor. :hug:

 

[erinatkins]

I guess I will see if i can get into my MD soon. I guess reason I am worried is my sister is an MD and some other results in past with a partner in group did say something to my sister.

This is something I have been dealing with for years but circumstances have made things worse right now. I keep thinking this is control issue but I think it is more than that. Its like a need right now.

 

[ThatLady]

If things that have come up with a physician in the practice have been leaked to your sister in the past, it's very important that you make it crystal clear to your doctor that you expect your confidentiality to be maintained. You can even explain that your confidentiality has been broken in the past, and that you will not tolerate another breach. That will put the doctor on notice that he/she is expected to perform his/her function properly, maintaining confidentiality as all medical personnel are obligated to do.

 

[Retired]

I guess reason I am worried is my sister is an MD and some other results in past with a partner in group did say something to my sister.

As That Lady has alluded to, it is totally unacceptable that your doctor has broken confidentiality without your permission and discussed your medical situation to your sister.

You may consider changing doctor if that is possible and convenient, or do as That Lady suggests, make it clear to your doctor that you expect your privacy to be respected.

Have a look at this NIMH site which includes a number of resources on eating disorders:
Eating Disorders: Facts About Eating Disorders and the Search for Solutions

 

[Cat Dancer]

I struggle with bulimia and anorexia too and have for years. I am so sorry for what you're going through. It is so tough. I think the best thing to do is talk to your doctor about it, reminding him about confidentiality laws and that your information is private.

I wish there were some easy answer or easy way out of this problem. I am having a hard time with purging and eating or not eating right now. I have a therapist and I'm trying to get the courage up to let him know how bad it is. I think it would help you if you could get a referral to a therapist and get some help in that way.

Wishing you the very best.

 

[erinatkins]

Thanks for all the info and support. It is nice to know I am not alone.

I dont think MD meant any harm since they are friends and may not thought anything of it. I will make sure they know this is in confidence.

I guess I worry some that I am worried about my daughters weight too since she had gallbladder removed and she has IBS with constipation and she is worried about it and I dont want her to get into habbits I did. But I know she needs to loose weight to get healthy again. We dont keep many sweets in house but she seems to grab stuff with friends.I dont know how to help her without making her feel bad right now. I had scheduled an appoint with nutritionist but she cancelled and didnt reschedule yet.