More threads by fancy792


Need to talk and don't really know where to start. I'm lost in myself and it been almost a year. I can't sleep well anymore and always tired. Well the two extremes. In a lapse of time I want to get going and move on with work and my life but on the other hand just can't get to go. I have specific intention and goals and it like I can't grab it. I get scared and i give up. I lost my go getter attitude and lost me.

How do you stay strong and beat all.

I grow up being strong, always was curious about it but never needed to try. I was on a contract and got let go because they were not ready for their expansion and my French writing wasn't good enough to transfer me any where else. I went on underemployed and applied to many places. I either was to qualified or not enough. I felt that I was up to no good, lots of financial pressure and I just got more and more depress. Got to have to much time on my hand and got involved with the wrong environment. Got to see and be involved in an area that I didn't want to but gone more and more involved. It didn't take me long to want to try and started liking the fact that I couldn't fell my emotional pains. Making still money and having time to party which I never really experience before.

Always been a social butterfly and very outgoing. Always made new friends and never judged. After a few months I got to the point that I wanted to try and experiences. What a mistake? I never took in consideration that I could get addicted and lose it all. I always been in full control and could stop anything at anytime. Well I just decided that I'm there now. Time to gain control and pull myself back up. Spend the night researching why it so hard and what have I done to lose it all. Well naturally there's millions of reasons but I needed to understand the medical effect and how it controls your brains. Then I studied what can I do and how to get back on track. Well after many stories and medical advice I realized that I need to understand what triggers my need and how can I void it.

I wrote to my lover that now this is it, I said that maybe 200 times but I need to believe and take action. I need to create new habits, void places and people that I enjoyed partying with. The decision come from me and I'm now ready to face the reality. This week was studied from my part, spend money I don't have for a few hours of mental break. I have come to conclusion that I don't really reach that cause then I start thinking about whats wrong with me and I become paranoid with everything little thing.

I see things that aren't there, can't sleep well, lose control of who I am and mostly become discuss about who I am. I've been depress before but never to this extent. I'm about to lose my business, many friends and I'm affecting my life. I'm still in a bit of control but I'm losing it. I look at my craving and it not right. Earlier online I've done some test on addiction and I'm not far from a danger zone.

I barely recognize my true feelings and lost touch with my inside. I've tried meditating like I use to do all the time I can't reach the first level. I try to concentrate, be around people, memory and it not there.

I've don't have many years in this but where I am it wrong. I've stop drinking for 10 years after I heard some success stories at AA(I was 16th then). My grandma have been sober for over 30 yrs and I recognized myself at her beginning so I stop. I had a few drinks in 2000 but never out of control or emotionally unstable. I still keep that law even if sometime I want to let loose. Now I realise that with this addiction I can't, lost control!

Time to regain my control. Get my life back in order!

There is lots of help to get to a center but not a lot for the person that wants to get it under control by her or himself. I've surf and search but can't find nothing.

I was looking for information on triggers and dopamine.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I'm not sure what you mean by "triggers and dopamine" but what you need is someone truly experienced in addictions issues. I'm unclear if you are clean now - if so, possibly a relapse prevention specialist would be helpful; if not, you really need to get into some sort of program and soon.

There is a private program near Ottawa that specializes in addictions treatment for the employed, meaning that people can continue to go to work while participating in the program. There may be others like that in your area. Perhaps speaking to your doctor about what's available would be a starting point. Alternatively, look for active AA or NA chapters where you live. If nothing else, they may be able to connect you with other resources.
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