Dysfunctional Belief Systems

[David Baxter PhD]

Belief Systems
by Sandy Andrews, Ph.D.
Friday, September 11, 2009

One important therapy tool in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is exploring thoughts and beliefs that contribute toward an emotional or mental health disorder.

Thoughts can be viewed as relatively simple ideas or statements that guide our self-talk. These thoughts may seem quick and random, such as,:

• I'm never going to get this right!
• What is wrong with me?
• There's no point in trying.

Therapy involves paying attention to these automatic negative thoughts and coming up with alternatives. That is, ultimately changing them or replacing them with more positive, uplifting, and calming thoughts.

Often, in therapy, we practitioners look a little deeper for underlying belief systems that influence our moods and our actions. These belief systems, or beliefs, for short, can be made up of a single powerful statement, such as the following examples:

• I'm destined for failure.
• I can't say no. I hate letting other people down.
• Nobody will ever love me.
• Something is wrong with me.

Or they can be made up of a series of thoughts that clump together:

Why is my life so hard? At this rate, I'll never get ahead. Why keep trying? It's no use. Every time I take one step forward, something happens that sets me back. I may was well give up. ​

Dysfunctional belief systems are not always worded in the negative. For someone suffering from the extreme highs of mania, as with Bipolar Disorder, for example, the beliefs may be overly optimistic or euphoric,

• I'm destined for greatness!
• I need to seek adventure and excitement!
• The sky's the limit!
• You only live once. Go for the gusto!
• Buy it! I deserve to pamper myself.

So again, belief systems are typically made up of a complex pattern of thoughts that group together to feed and maintain the one, highly charged belief.

Let's take for example a common underlying belief, "Nobody loves me." This belief might be fueled by dozens or hundreds of smaller impact thoughts.

• I'm not in good enough shape.
• She won't come back, I just know it.
• I need her. There is noone else out there for me.
• I'm staying home tonight. There's no point in trying to meet anyone.
• I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else who will put up with me.
• I hate trying to meet new people. There's no point.

All of these thoughts could be related to the core, underlying belief, Nobody loves me. Or, I am unloveable.

Sometimes dysfunctional beliefs are formed in childhood. An abusive, neglectful parent can contribute to their formation. A group of teasing, bullying kids in the neighborhood can do the same.

Sometimes beliefs get started in early childhood, adolescence or later in life, say, when a cherished lover or spouse is abusive, unfaithful, or abandons.

Whatever their origins, the good news is they can be outed and purged using CBT techniques.

 

[Andy]

Ok, dumb question. Shocking.

I have done my share of CBT in the past and it took me quite awhile, I think because I am so negative towards myself. Anyway, when I started to catch thoughts and turn them around I really did notice my self esteem increase and I was a much more positive person.

Then things went down hill and it seemed like almost instantly, well within months, the years of building myself back up etc. were gone again. It was like I hadn't even done any work. The only thing that stayed was the knowledge of to go about changing my thoughts again to get myself back to where I was.

Why does it take so long for me to change my thoughts and then once I get there it can quickly reverse? It's so hard for me to get to a good place(where I WANT to be) yet so quickly I can go back to the bad place (where I DON'T WANT to be).:blush:

 

[Jazzey]

Why does it take so long for me to change my thoughts and then once I get there it can quickly reverse? It's so hard for me to get to a good place(where I WANT to be) yet so quickly I can go back to the bad place (where I DON'T WANT to be).:blush:

Definitely not a dumb question, STP. I've had the same thought process recently.

I can only answer for myself - I think sometimes, it's easier for us to revert back to the old patterns of thinking. The ones that we're familiar with. While we know that they're not good for us, they somehow appear 'safer' in that moment....

Yesterday, I had a session. I was pushed to think about something different for the future. I just couldn't do it. When I thought about it later, I realized that thinking about the future removed me from that horrible 'comfort zone' which, while demoralizing, is still an environment that I "understand" for myself. Thinking about the future, a different future than what I know - really scary and, for the time being at least, so surreal...

 

[Andy]

I can only answer for myself - I think sometimes, it's easier for us to revert back to the old patterns of thinking. The ones that we're familiar with. While we know that they're not good for us, they somehow appear 'safer' in that moment....

I still don't get that though because If I want to be at that healthy point and I finally get there wouldn't my mind want to stay there rather then reverting back to where I hated being? Do you know what I mean? I don't know if I am making sense or not

 

[Jazzey]

I still don't get that though because If I want to be at that healthy point and I finally get there wouldn't my mind want to stay there rather then reverting back to where I hated being? Do you know what I mean? I don't know if I am making sense or not

Yes. You're absolutely making sense, STP. I also want to be at a healthy point. I just think that when we're low, it's easy to revert back to patterns that are familiar to us.

Your mind, for lack of a better explanation - it has these tracks (from what I understand). In therapy, we're trying to change those 'tracks', the ones that are harming us. But, it still takes a lot of work, self-reflection. For me, the self-reflection is the killer...It's painful and, at times at least, it's easier to go back to my old 'tracks'. But, I am trying. But I also recognize that it takes hard work to change those patterns. It takes feeling pain again, on issues that I've conveniently pushed aside - because it was easier. Now I have to examine those things again. So the natural instinct is to go back to those old tracks - the ones that keep me 'stuck' where I've been. It's easier.

On those bad days STP, I need to feel all of the blame for everything. It's easier for me, it's familiar. And it's a heck of a lot easier than having to see something negative in others....

Boy, sorry sweets, I know I blabbed on this one. I hope it still made sense. We all process things differently. It just takes hard work and I think in our weaker days, it's easy to go back to what's familiar...

 

[Andy]

Ok bare with dumb dumb here.

I get what your saying but maybe I don't lol. Ok, so say your familiar (oh, not you personally) with being negative and all that. Then you use CBT and get to where your positive. Ok. So say your in that positive place for a really long time. That then becomes your new "familiar" so why wouldn't someone stay there instead of going back to where I use to be familiar but am no longer, it's unfamiliar now. Why would I go there?

lol Am I repeating myself now?

Also as far as self reflection and going back to past things, I have never really done the latter, but I would like to think that I am an open book to anything. I may not volunteer info, but if I was asked I think I would say whatever. I don't think that dealing with things like that (I do see what you mean though) would cause me to lose all that I had learned and go back to my negative. I know everyone is different.

I don't know.

 

[Jazzey]

Nothing is ever dumb about you, STP.

CBT really helps - it forces you to reflect on those patterns, challenge them. But, on those bad days, for me at least, it's really easy to be negative. i.e. - think: "what's the point of all of this?" I do know what the point is. I already see a difference in my thinking patterns, I really do. I see it in how I interact with people at times too.

I'm fairly new to therapy STP. Yesterday, was just a reminder of the hard work ahead for me. And that, at times, can be discouraging. As an example, yesterday, the need to look to the future and think of mechanisms to change old patterns - I just couldn't see that future. That new path where I was no longer to blame. Mostly because it means changing how I react to situations, to people. It means taking me out of my comfort zone of 'self-blame'.

It's all a process STP. I'm thrilled to hear that, for you, it's no longer 'familiar'. That's exactly where I'm trying to get - to that place where none of this is 'familiar', 'comfortable'...

So for right now, I'm just trying to do the work, not give up on the process itself so that I can get where you are. But, this is all fairly new to me. Sometimes STP, as it is true for yesterday, I just sink. I can't see precisely how these thinking patterns will change for me. And, on better days, I know they will.

Again, it's all a process, one which requires hard work, self-reflection and analysis. And through that process, we just have to remain positive about the 'good' outcome, remember that this is the goal.

It's just in the low points, the times when I'm tired, that it's easy to forget this.

 

[Andy]

No No Nooooo.lol This isn't familiar to me any more at all. It use to be a few years ago but now I am way back down at the other end and then some. I am worse off then I was before.
That would be silly of me to say it is all good now and then call myself a dumb *ss. lol

Well, I am glad your in therapy and working on things. It takes time. Hopefully I will get support so I can actively start with my CBT that I know, again. It's easier when you have an actual person to talk to as opposed to trying to talk to myself and changes things.

 

[Daniel E.]

Replacing Maladaptive Rules/Beliefs

A New Rule Book
by Robert L. Leahy, PhD

A lot of us have certain rules about how we should be and should think. These rule books can make us worried, regretful, self-critical, anxious, and depressed:

• I should be successful at everything I try.
• If I am not successful, I am a failure.
• If I fail, then I'm worthless (I'm unlovable; life isn't worth living).
• Failure is intolerable and unacceptable.
• I should get the approval of everyone.
• If I am not approved of, I am unlovable (ugly, worthless, hopeless, alone).
• I should be certain before I try something.
• If I am not certain, the outcome will be negative.
• I should never be anxious (depressed, selfish, confused, uncertain, unhappy with my partner).
• I should always keep my eye out for any anxiety.
• If I let my guard down, something bad will happen.
• If I make a mistake, I should criticize myself.
• I should hold myself to the highest standards all the time.
• I shouldn't praise myself unless I am perfect.
• I should go over my mistakes so I can avoid repeating them.
• If people see that I'm anxious, they will think less of me (reject me, humiliate me).
• My sex life (feelings, behaviors, relationships, etc.) should be wonderful and easy at all times.
​

What if you have a rule book that was based not on punishing yourself, but on loving yourself? What would these new rules look like?

Let's take a look:

• If I make a mistake, I realize it's because I am human.
• I can learn from mistakes.
• I should treat myself as well as I treat others.
• I should give myself credit for anything positive that I do.

If you followed these new rules, what do you think would change for you? Take some time to think about what rules you are using and what effect they're having on you.

excerpted from: Beat the Blues Before They Beat You: How to Overcome Depression