I think this says a lot of it. that when you feel so deep into a depression the entire concept of being happy, being allowed and able to be happy just seems so weird. but you have to keep in mind that this is what depression is and if you could see past that for even a little bit you'd see that you do deserve to be happy and that you can be happy. I mean "seeing past this" not to say that it's this easy but in terms of if this were a possibility then you could see the potential you have and how all these feelings are depression.. think of it as a big black cloud, if you could push it out of your way for a centimetre you'd be able to see the sky beyond what you're used to... right? I think w/ therapy and a lot of work and determination this will happen one day...I am saying all of this because, I believe that when a person gets so deeply into a depression, they eventually have to teach themselves all over again how to express happiness... I have seen it over and over again in myself and in others who were suffering from depression. I had to convince myself that, first of all, I have a right to be happy, then I had to re-learn all over again what it feels like to be happy. For different people this may take different routes. I used drawing and writing to re-learn. It took a little while, but I was then able to claim the happiness without fear or guilt.
SadGirl said:Whenever I feel a twinge of happiness...I stop myself and get scared to go there...i dont know why...maybe i am afraid of the crash that follows...i dont know....
Depression... is not a character flaw or a sign of personal weakness. You can’t make yourself well by trying to "snap out of it."
http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/depression.html