Emotional reasoning

[forgetmenot]

New term today in therapy I Have to put someoneI care so much about into nursing home

emotional reasoning says not right thing to do but logic reasoning know it is the only thing i can do.

emotional reasoning brings on guilt sadness it makes me second guess that what i am doing is not right thing

yet logically god it is the only thing to do for her.
She will be in a setting that will be able to take care of all her needs not that i could not do it i could but i am just too tired right now

I am hoping when i am stronger i will be able to take on this task but not now it would not be fair to either of us

I just wish emotional reasoning would go away because it makes me feel like a failure

---------- Post added May 4th, 2012 at 07:33 AM ---------- Previous post was May 3rd, 2012 at 10:23 PM ----------

Don't know if i can do this today is the day i don't know if it is right thing now her tears her anger maybe i am wrong god help me make this right decison
so much to do today Emotional reasoning maybe it is there for a purpose

 

[rdw]

You know it is the right decision as you said they can look after her needs. And of course she is upset - this is a huge change for her and change brings worry and fear and often manifests itself as anger. Most importantly you need to set aside your guilt and make the best choice for her and for you. Keep strong!

 

[forgetmenot]

I took her she reacted very much anger i am glad she cannot see i am glad dam it this is not right this is not right i need to rethink things somehow take her home she has suffered enough enough this is not right something is not right because if it was i would not feel this pain and sadness She need care and i can give that too her i can but it will just mean more sacrifice that all ya maybe talk with twin see if we can work something out she need compassion over all other needs that is what she needs

 

[Cat Dancer]

You might break down and not be able to deal with anything if you have to take this on too. Please don't be hard on yourself for making this decision. I can only imagine how hard it was to make, but it might be best for everyone at this time.

 

[forgetmenot]

i have to think rethink what i have done I have done to her what was done to me years ago i can't do this no wonder it does not feel right i am givning her away to be cared for by others just as she did to me and my twin i am doing the same she did to us years ago she could not take care of us she had too many to care for I can't do this omehow i must find away to bring hr home somehow to be cared for by people who love her and will respect her dam this is so hard but i cn see more clearly now what needs ot be done they keept pressuring me to make decison the y did not give me time to think now it is done i know it is wrong decison i know that now.

 

[forgetmenot]

I will go and get my mother tomorrow
i will do the right thing for all
she gave so much now is not time to put her away like some animal no she will come home iwill take care of her as will my twin
shehas suffered enogh time for compassion now i can do this i will set up thehelp i need so it does not overwhelm me and my twin
we can make my mothers last years ones of healing

 

[Mari]

What about the possibility of letting her stay in the nursing home for a short time? This would give you some time to set up the help that you need and a chance for you to take care of yourself.

 

[forgetmenot]

No hun no my mother can not stay there another night it is not a good place it is not good i want her home with me and my twin where she will be safe i don't need tobe taken care of now i am ok i am a professional i can do this i have to If only they haad put her in a home where i could see the care but no not there i can see i was wrong i felt it was wrong why god did i leave her there Tomorrow i will be better after i see her home She deserves to hve family around her now oh god i just wish tomorrow was here now

---------- Post added at 08:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:47 AM ----------

went and got my mother out of there
she is home now with my twin and myself who will care for her
i am glad it is over i am tired
yet everything seems to be moving in slow motion so slow and i am calm unreal calm
she is safe now god sheis safe

 

[David Baxter PhD]

But safe from what and for how long?

Sometimes you have to make tough decisions for the people you care about, espeically wqhen what they want isn't necessarily the best option.

 

[forgetmenot]

No my mother is of sound mind she is just blind and has been neglected The health professionals i had in place did not keep her safe. Her medication was not given to her for 2 weeks i showed them this they were to monitor my brothers ability to give my mother her meds they did not i am tired of putting my family care in the hands of others i am tired of seeing this medication she needed and was not to be stopped cold turkey when my brother became ill and sent to hospital noone followed up with giving my mother her meds dam dam i showed them 2 weeks packets of meds still sitting on table who is at fault here I walked away remember i let them take over ilet them because they promise me they would monitor her care It was an act team that looks after my brother that phone me not my mothers care giver i had to step in call in work emergency i had to step in because noone else would

i did put her in nrsg home the care the care again was not followed through ic na't do this i know what good care is ok and i know now what i have always known you cannot cannot leave the care of your loved ones in others hands you cannot do that. I will take care of my mother and she will be safe in a home environment and if i need to iw ill ask for help i have been in this profession for 30 yrs now iam not stupid far from that.
What a loved one needs is compassion is understanding and if and when i find a facility that i know has compassionate care givers i know that my mother will not be neglected i will let her make the choice she is of sound mind and yes she needs help but i will never never do that again put her away never never if i cannot look after her needs then i will find someone to come in to my home my twins home to look after her
Funny how when people get old their voices are silented too dam eh by people who think they know what is the best LISTEN to your loved ones ok really listen they know what is best for themselves they do The guilt i k now is common i know that but i also know there is noone who will look after your loved one better they you

 

[SuzyCerca]

Have you read the forum at healthboards.com for Alzheimers and Dementia? It is very helpful.

 

[forgetmenot]

my mother does not have dementia or alzhiemers if she did then that would be a different story then she is of sound mind just blind im tired im sorry there are times when family are unable to look after their loved ones but this is not one of those time