More threads by Thelostchild

For the last week I have felt like crawling in a hole and not coming out. I feel so emotional. No it's not my hormones.:red: I can't tell you what my problem is, I can't figure it out my self. What I really want to do is take a bunch of Xanax and sleep. It's real easy to make up and say that you're fine and that life is great. But it's not and I'm scared to tell anyone that. I want to put my wall up and never let anyone in.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
You have a lot going on in your life at the moment, TLC, and it sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed by it all.

Apart from the pain and the unaccustomed restriction on your mobility (and in turn on your independence), you're also facing surgery (anxiety ++) and your family and marital issues. That's a lot to be dealing with when you can't use your normal methods of getting rid of stress (like riding).
its real easy to make up that your fine and that life is great. But its not and IM scared to tell anyone that. I want to put my wall up and never letting anyone in.
Its easier going back to your old ways of doing thing to cover up your pain then it is to just face it. Eventually everything will be done and over with. And after its done IM not going to worry about anything. Haha I will.


Dear Thelostchild,
I do remember feeling after being rape, wanting to crawl into a hole, in many ways I did. I shut down everyone, everything, but it did not work.
It did not make my feeling go away, it made it worse thelostchild. You can believe me are not, I am telling you I had lost everything, I was so scared to lose anything again.
I did not even know where to begin to pick up the pieces.
Scared I know scared, putting a wall up is not going to make the pain your in go away.
You know that, trying to run it did not work for me, I did have to face the rape, whether I wanted too are not. I did have to face the problems that it caused in my life.
I hope this helps you understand getting help is ok, you are facing so many things like Doc said, I truly hope you do not put your wall up because we all care.
I can only let you know, putting the wall up it is just about as painful, as it is to be living in pain.
Both are not easy Thelostchild, take care you are in my thoughts.


I put a wall up yrs ago, many yrs ago... but recently it came crashing down.. and i couldn't stop it.. i felt it happening tho i didn't really recognise what was happening, (if u can understand that), and it's still falling.. rape is just one issue among the rubble.. even tho i thought i had dealt with it already, diff aspects are now haunting me. DON'T put a wall up if at all possible.. it wil inevitably come crashing down and believe me the pain and all the other emotions are just as real now as they were back then. I dread having to deal with any of this, really i do, it terrifies me.. but i have nowhere to hide now..
i know the feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole.. but guess what.. we have to come out again ... in the end.
i'm sorry you are going thru so much right now,,
will keep u in my thoughts.

I understand that putting a wall up isn't going to help but in the mean time it does help. But like you all said it will come crashing down. Like having an emotional break down. I understand everything all of you have said. I appreciate everyones support. Its easy to think one way and give up and to think that you can do this any more. And then on the other hand you can aproach everything in this world. It just takes a lot of courage. And I have to move on.Old ways are easier. of course everthing is easier said then done.


It doesn't surprise me one bit that you feel overwhelmed, TLC. I'd hazard a guess it wouldn't surprise anybody who knows you, considering your current circumstances. Heck, you're going to have to have an operation. You can't get around the way you're accustomed to being able to get around. You're in pain. If someone you knew had all this going on, wouldn't you expect them to be pretty darned overwhelmed? I'll bet those close to you feel the same way about you. Maybe they're just waiting for you to reach out to them.
well thats something I have a hard time doing. I don't ask for help. Never really have. Of course growing up I took care of myself.
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