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thephoenix

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As I find myself back in and out of depression and anxiety, I find myself battling familiar demons and encountering old fears.

I feel that for me the disease is constantly shifting and changing in order to keep my thoughts and thinking as upsetting as possible. Maybe an example will help explain what I mean.

I can read books about depression and anxiety and on some level know that what I am experiencing will pass and that I've recovered from it numerous times before. The problem is that my mind works against me convincing me this time is more severe, this time I really am going to go crazy, this time treatment won't work, this time there will be no recovery.

Its ironic that the problem solving skills that make me a good student and employee are now working against me to keep me feeling miserable. My ability to analyze an issue from multiple angles simultaneously and envision multiple outcomes is causing me a great amount of stress and strain when applied to my depression.

I really am struggling and I've made arrangements to get the help I need, all I can do now is wait and try to hold on to my sanity until the cavalry arrives.
 

Daniel

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Re: Encountering Old Problems in Lastest Relapse

My ability to analyze an issue from multiple angles simultaneously and envision multiple outcomes is causing me a great amount of stress and strain when applied to my depression.

Oh yes, I know that feeling :) Something I find mildly helpful in that regard is being aware of impact bias. (Though everyone wants to win the lottery and no one wants to be paralyzed, the emotional impact of these two events over the long term is not as great as people tend to believe.) Relatedly:

MISHLOVE: Then you go into a panic state.

ELLIS: That's right, and then you're not able to really correct the primary. And so in RET [a form of CBT] we first get you over your self-downing about your disturbance, then we go back to the original disturbance, showing how you mainly, largely created it, and how you have the power within you to think differently, act differently, and feel differently, and undo it.

http://www.intuition.org/txt/ellis.htm

Anther thing that makes me feel better is this:
Older may mean happier - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Forum
 

thephoenix

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Re: Encountering Old Problems in Lastest Relapse

Thank you both very much for your kind and helpful words. I know I just have to give it time, but as I'm sure you're aware, its one hell of a thing to go through.
 
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Re: Encountering Old Problems in Lastest Relapse

The problem is that my mind works against me convincing me this time is more severe, this time I really am going to go crazy, this time treatment won't work, this time there will be no recovery.
i haven't had a relapse since getting treatment but i do remember my therapist telling me that if i were to relapse i might very well be convinced that this time was different, that this time it was worse, etc. etc. it sounds like this is happening to you.

My ability to analyze an issue from multiple angles simultaneously and envision multiple outcomes is causing me a great amount of stress and strain when applied to my depression.
your ability to analyze can work to your benefit as well. you are probably envisioning multiple negative outcomes and are focusing on those. you should be able to envision multiple positive outcomes as well. try to focus on that.

in the meantime hang in there. you're doing the right thing by going for help with this.
 

ladylore

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Re: Encountering Old Problems in Lastest Relapse

Yes Phoenix - I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is one heck of a thing to go through. And sometimes if you haven't gone through depression what it is really like. I have had depression and relapses.

I really do like Into The Light's suggestion about envisioning the positive outcomes. You may want to write them down so it is more tangible. My own therapist calls this kind of exercise 'Reframing'.

One other thing you may want to do is keep another list handy of what has worked for you in the past. Some of the tools that have worked in the past may be out-dated and others you may want to keep.

Even if it does take a bit of time try to keep the hope that this one too will pass.

:goodjob:
 

thephoenix

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Again, thank you all very much for your support and help. I have been doing a lot reading in the site and I will try and write some things down. The fatigue is really kicking my ass these last couple of days so I'm going to have to try and work up to it.
 

ladylore

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I am wondering - if you haven't already done so - it may be a good idea to talk with your doctor about this episode of depression.

Take care
 

thephoenix

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I am wondering - if you haven't already done so - it may be a good idea to talk with your doctor about this episode of depression.

Take care

I've actually just got back the Doctor's office. She was very helpful, but this was the first time I've seen her. I only moved to Ottawa in 2006, and until very recently I was unable to find a family doctor. I did get assigned a family doctor a few months ago, but she is out of the office for a couple of weeks, hence seeing someone new.

I've gone from 50 to 60mg of Paxil daily and have Adavan (sp?) for panic attacks and we're going to give it a couple of weeks to see if the increase in dosage is enough of or if something new will have to be added etc.

I am going to see a psychologist on Thursday as well.
 

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