Extreme Anger / Rage Outburst

[Nex]

Had my second instance of extreme RAGE about a week ago. The first time: Punched out a window.

Latest:

Was pretty drunk, jumped into a school. Was walking around when security guard started chasing me (I'm in Brazil, they might beat us up) [I know how utterly idiotic this was, but I was drunk]. Got an extreme pump of adrenaline and fear, which might have triggered the built up rage.

Had to jump a barbed wire fence, did so and slashed my hand a little bit. Turned back, looked at the security guard staring at me through the fence, then at my hand, and watched as my vision pretty much turned dark.

EXTREME ANGER came over me, RAGE. I lost all cognitive thought and just looked for the nearest thing to destroy. Found a cone that was in the middle of the street to divert traffic, picked up and started smashing windows with it. Smashed several... can't remember how many. I could not control my actions.

Then screaming my lungs out I started kicking a car till I dented the door...

I was screaming "F**K ITALY!", and stuff like that, since my parents are in Italy and it's frustrating.

Then ran home because there were other people with me and I didn't want to get them in trouble (I couldn't care less about what would happen to me at the time).

Now what I want to do is RELEASE the anger. I feel that there might be alot of anger in me, and I want to release it in a relatively harmless way before it "builds up" again and I explode. And even if I don't explode [by avoiding things that could trigger it, like alcohol], it will still have to manifest itself in one way or another.

Ideas?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes. Get yourself to a therapist. Quickly. Before something happens that you'll regret for a very long time.

The issue here isn't about controlling rage -- it's about identifying what is building to that point and addressing those issues.

 

[Nex]

Therapy is not an option, unfortunately.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I do recall you said your parents were anti-therapy but I wonder if they know the full extent of your anger issues. A school counsellor if there is one or your family doctor might be a starting point -- such a person could perhaps convince your parents that this is necessary, not optional.

 

[Nex]

David Baxter,

Thanks for the imput. Thing is: I'm living practically alone right now. Family is in Italy (father going to England this week probably), while I'm in Brazil.

I really don't want to talk to them about this, we've got enough problems as it is, and having them worrying about me while being so far away and unable to offer any help would just be a real inconvienience.

Living with: Granpa (sometimes), Uncle & Aunt (as in uncle's sister, not wife). Been asking for way too much $$, I feel that I'm already a burden and will not go about asking for therapy now. [They are not my parents.]

What I am doing as of now . . .
When I feel angered I'll raise voice tone, back a way into an unoccupied place, and punch the wall a couple of times lightly enough to not hurt my hand, but strong enough to release some anger . . .

Oh, I'm also not in school at the time being.