Feeling a little lost

[Caligirl]

Hello everyone,

Well i have posted before about my deteriating relationship my fiance was being verbally abusive to me the last fight we got into really escalated to another level he was in my face and he threatened to slap me. He completely disrespected me called me every name in the book and i snapped we got into a huge arguement that didnt need to happen.

So that was my breaking point that was last weekend by Monday i started to pack my stuff and he started argueing with me again and my daughter packed all her stuff my dad got wind of everything and just told me to come home he didnt want for us to live like that he was scared for me and my daughter. So as i was packing my stuff it was making him more angrier so he was threatning me again so that night i got all the belongings that i could and left and went to my dads house i couldnt take it anymore. By Tuesday my brother and his friend went back to the house and moved all the rest of my furniture. An he had no place to go he thought after all of what was said and done that it was all going to blow over and everything was going to be ok thats the thing he thinks its just for that one arguement but i told him it was a build up of every fight every hurtful thing that was said to me i had reached my breaking point.

The problem now is that everything was in my name all bills for furniture etc. and now i am stuck paying for everything and i am so angry about that and he could care less i left him with nothing because he was not paying for anythung he barely came up with the money to pay the month of july's rent and he didnt have the money for august so we would have had to move i just couldnt take it anymore and then he was so apologetic and how he knew it was his fault for doing the things he needed to do and the next day it was my fault and i left him and we could have went to counseling i have told him that before but there was always an excuse.

So i am just feeling a little down and lost right now i guess its normal to go through the emotional roller coaster. sometimes i think if i would have stayed would it have gotten better or worse? I am just a little confued right now but i guess i did the right thing for me and my daughter i need to make myself happy first. I was so tired of walking on egg shells with him.

Did i do the right thing????

Thanks for listening,

Caligirl ;(

 

[Retired]

Re: Feeling a little lost!!!

my fiance was being verbally abusive to me the last fight we got into really escalated to another level he was in my face and he threatened to slap me...... it was making him more angrier so he was threatning me again.......and then he was so apologetic and how he knew it was his fault for doing the things he needed to do and the next day it was my fault and i left him and we could have went to counseling i have told him that before but there was always an excuse.

As an observer to what you have written, I have taken the libert to bold specific points you have made to illustrate what seems to be the contradictions in this man's behaviour, from a fiance who is expected to love you to a man who abuses and threatens you. Additionally his manipulation seems to keep you off balance between anger and aplology.

i guess i did the right thing for me and my daughter i need to make myself happy first. I was so tired of walking on egg shells with him.

I would say you have made the right decision, because this is no way to live for you nor for your daughter, who is being exposed to a perverted way of life that could affect not just your own safety but her entire perception of what a healthy adult relationship is supposed to be like.

No one should have to walk on eggshells with their spouse. A sound adult relationship should be based on love, mutual respect, tolerance where there should be no fear to discuss any topic.

I believe you have made the right decision to get away from this man, and now use the supportive resources of your family who seem to have your best interests at heart, to ensure this man stays away from you and your daughter.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Feeling a little lost!!!

I agree. That's no way to live. I would also point out that continuing to live that way would almost certainly have long term negative effects on your daughter.

 

[jovanna]

Re: Feeling a little lost!!!

You have done the right thing by leaving this abusive man. I commend you on your strength and courage. He will try to contact you, apologize and be on his best behaviour to try to win you back. Do not fall into this trap. The honeymoon period will be short-lived, and he will go back to his old ways once you are settled in with him again. This is part of the cycle of abuse. Dealing with the financial repercussions of your decision is going to be difficult, but your life is worth more than what you will have to pay for the furniture. Do what you have to do to keep you and your daughter safe.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: Feeling a little lost!!!

I think you did the right thing. For yourself and for your daughter.

 

[Caligirl]

Re: Feeling a little lost!!!

I would like to thank all of you for your kind words sometimes i just need to hear it again and again to tell myself that i did the right thing i know i was not happy with him for sometime and i am glad that i was strong enough to make the move with the support of my friends and family.

Thanks to all of you,

Caligirl

 

[Into The Light]

you did the right thing, i am so glad you have a supportive family. don't doubt your decision, it was the right one!